I am going to have the disclosure talk in 24 hours. Successful tips?

[pepper90]

I am absolutely terrified. I think that he really does care and we have been seeing each other for about 3 weeks, I can tell that he is falling for me, but I have a huge guilt associated with the fact that I have not disclosed to him yet. I dont know what to do. any advice is much appreciated. I would love some advice from people who have been asymptomatic since their initial outbreak and what having a relationship while knowing there is constantly a risk (small since I am on acyclovir and will definitely use condoms) for transmitting. does the fear subside?

[WCSDancer2010]

@pepper90

 

THREE whole weeks, eh..... *grin* ... There are sooo many things we don't tell immediately when we date and 3 weeks is barely getting going in dating... so drop the "guilt" my friend. It's not like you kept him hanging on for 6 months or whatever. Herpes has a way of slowing us down so we can step back and see a potential mate in a clearer light, because they have to EARN the right to see us so vulnerable so early in a relationship.

 

Have you read the links I've posted about successful disclosures??? It may be good for you to read how others have approached disclosing...

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2384/successful-herpes-disclosure

Bookworm_21

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2386/ive-been-gone-for-too-long

klopz

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2390/update-on-my-for-my-h-opp-peeps nic4897

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2445/my-success-story simplyme24

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2495/a-coming-out-story- DanieM

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2544/disclosure silentstandoff

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1644/having-the-herpes-talk-with-a-new-partner Daisy

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2689/first-time-disclosing-herpes-and-very-very-nervous paleogardenerkika

 

And have a copy of the disclosure paper with you too. And tell him to NOT go on Google images or the Yahoo groups that have so many negative people on them ;)

 

Handouts:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

Disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

Good luck. Be Strong. We'll be cheering you on over here :)

 

 

[pepper90]

Thank You darlin! Yes three weeks is very short, however the anxiety I feel about having to disclose/not having disclosed yet is really (excuse me) fucking up all the enjoyment of falling in love. I have read all the handouts, but I will venture into the other successful disclosure stories and try and use some of their wisdom for my own disclosure adventure. I wasn't able to say anything tonight to him, cuz he worked so late. I was hoping I could get some advice on what having a relationship is like WITH herpes, is there guilt associated constantly... like "i didn't pass it on this time we had sex... but what about next time?"

[WCSDancer2010]

I've been with 2 guys for 3 years each who were H- and no, I didn't worry about it constantly. Once we got to the place where they told me what they were comfortable with (one was ok with me not taking the anti-virals, the other felt more comfortable if I took them) I had to *trust them* to be adult enough to make those choices as long as I did what I could to keep them H-free.

 

 

[lt05]

hey @pepper90

 

i just disclosed one week ago.This was a first for me. i was seeing a guy for 4 months! it was not easy,and we all choose to disclose at different times for different reasons, and i agree with WCSDancer, 3 weeks shouldnt make you feel horrible for not telling him. If you think he truly cares about you and you can see it going somewhere then go for it. I found that it helped to know all the facts before i told him. Also I made sure to come across as confident, not so worried, and knowledgeable. I really made him understand before i told him that this is a very manageable situation, and does not/should not be the end of the world. That gave him the thought that I am okay with it. If you make it seem like its so horrible, and your terrified, worried, then he will feel the same. let him know that you are and will do everything you can to protect him.

I hope he appreciates your courage! You will feel very relieved! Good luck and keep us posted

[pepper90]

Thank you both so much, this has been really helpful. I still have not had the opportunity to bring it up due to my own fear, and it being finals week here. I have so much anxiety I almost cannot wait to disclose just so I can have an answer if he is ok with it or not. I'll let you guys know as soon as I build up the courage!

[WCSDancer2010]

Most of the time, the story in our head is far worse that reality.

 

We're cheering you on over here...... :)