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Herpes newbie


Lisa

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Hi there… I am a newbie to all of this – about a year now that I found out. I struggled with feelings of self doubt and would ‘I ever be the same’ kind of thing. But – it is what it is and life goes on. Sure I would love to be in a relationship right now – rather than being alone. But- I look at it this way- what i’ve had to go through has and will make me a stronger person in the long run. I will find that special someone – it’s just gonna have to wait awhile… lol and I will not jump into a relationship for all the wrong reasons anymore… it makes you think about yourself and what you’re worth and what you deserve in life… just a thought I had… hope this helps whoever reads this…!!! nite…

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Hey Lisa, I love what you said about not jumping into a relationship for all the wrong reasons anymore. Having herpes gives us pause to think about what’s truly important in someone to become intimate with. It also allows that person to see your raw vulnerability and strength when you share that you have herpes. It can actually be a very connecting and beautiful moment to disclose something so private with someone (believe it or not!).

 

My advice? Don't be so hard on yourself! Amidst your positivity and healthy relationship with herpes, I also hear shame seeping into your post. Reinforce your own deep worth by recognizing maybe you need this time alone … to be with yourself in a quality way; being alone is being a loving support to yourself. It’s nothing to feel ashamed about. It’s natural. And then when you feel whole enough again to share yourself with someone, then you make the decision to be open to the vulnerability that is relationship (with or without herpes). It’s an ebb and flow … being alone in itself is beautiful, then being in relationship is beautiful, too. And being open to which part of that cycle you are currently in is powerful and self-loving. It also shows great self-awareness.

 

Thanks for your post, Lisa. It reminds me of that part of me that we share in common. I appreciate you sharing that with us.

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Hi again… tnx for the kind words! I am a magnet for ‘bad romances’ (Lady Gaga here I come…lol) Always jump in too quick and too deep…. now my common bond makes dating even harder than before… I’ve been burned by men who don’t have this who choose to walk away. Just very painful to keep trying with this non H group… I won’t go there again. I have been alone for awhile now – even before I got the gift. So, I don’t think it’s the gift that I’m struggling with here… or maybe it is… lol As you pointed out – I do feel somewhat ashamed still – like it was my fault this happened. Heck – I haven’t even told one person close to me that this has happened to me… just can’t bring myself to confess… lol the support group has really helped me over the past year – without it I would have been toast… The more I chat with others like me – the more I come to terms with it and move on. I knew I was a strong person – but this has made me really stronger. Must be that Italian bloodline… ha ha ha I know what I have to work on… a little bit at at a time! Anyone else care to chime in? :-)

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  • 1 month later...

Lisa,

I totally am right there with you. Every single thing in this last post of yours is me to the core, even down to the strong italian woman :p. Except a few people in my immediate family DO know, such as my mother and twin sister, which has helped a lot when I need advice on when to tell boyfriends or potential boyfriends. I told them when I first got it and honestly, I don't think I would have been as "together", I guess, as I am now if they didn't know. I have been struggling with depression ever since I got it (maybe even BEFORE I got it, I don't know...), but I try to take life head on and not let the little things get to me anymore.

I'd like to think I was a strong person before this happened to me, because I wait tables for a living :p. So I need to have a tough skin. But this has changed my life more than anything. I always say I have no regrets, and it's true. While having herpes is a struggle sometimes when trying to be with someone else romantically, and of course the occasional breakout isn't pleasant, I have found overall that it has changed my life for the better. I was young when I got it (19) and still am young (22 now, almost 23), so I'm not sure if I was even DONE growing up yet... but I can definitely say it's made me become a realist, for sure. Shit happens, you know? We just have to deal with it the best we can.
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  • 3 years later...

I've had hsv1 ever since I was a kid. I now have hsv2. I contracted hsv2 about six years ago and I must say that it devastated me. I am not quite sure but I believe I contracted it from my now ex wife. On the day of our divorce we had sex, I know it sounds crazy but yeah anyways, three days afterwards my body started feeling really weird. I knew something was wrong. I didn't get an initial outbreak until a week later. Now that was a double whammy, a divorce from the woman I truly loved and to be hit with the news that I now have hsv2. I've managed to finally accept it but I still have days where I get depressed. As time goes on I've noticed that my outbreaks are few and far between. So I just want to say this, the worst part of this virus to me is the embarrassment. The physical part of it really doesn't bother me. So keep your head up, things will get better with time.

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