Worried, Sad, Angry and Bitter. Just found out the love of my life gave me HSV2.

[misslost]

Hi All,

 

New here, obviously.

 

I found out a few days ago I have HSV2.

 

I'm LIVID. I'm more livid, worried and unsure than anything.

 

Let me explain why. My fiance? He could have stopped this. I never could have had it. Our baby wouldn't have been exposed.

 

I tested clean for everything in September at my OBGYN's office ( I was pregnant), and again 2 years before after we got together we both were tested. I have been with no one since. Neither had he ( work together, sleep together, go EVERYWHERE together. So I'm positive). In October we had been fighting. We agreed to take a break and work on our relationship. We were living together again shortly after. I asked my fiance "if he had been with anyone, if he had to tell me, he could get a free pass because I needed to know to protect our baby, and that condoms weren't a sure thing if he did" He insisted all this time he had not. I asked my doctor for an STD test because I suspected on 2 days he was unaccounted for he was with someone else ( from Craigslist no less) My results didn't get put into my file. Just that I needed some shot to stop an out break? I told him I had no herpes, he looks at the form I filled out when I came in, says " Ok . Oops!" and that was that.

 

Which leads me to a few days ago. I was having symptoms of an infection after I had our baby girl. My doctor and I agreed to retest me for STD's because it could have taken a while for something to show up " incubation" or whatever. I get hit with the biggest slap of my life. He says " You have herpes" and went on to explain it to me and that it was in the COMPUTER from December, not the paper file. All I heard was "HERPES" That's it. My brain shut down. I went to the car. My fiance FINALLY admits to sleeping with this girl. I wanted to kill him. He tells me the whole thing. I'm dying inside, scared to DEATH for my daughter.

 

My GYN checked while I was there and saw one little tiny bump. He tells me I'm having my first outbreak but he's intrigued as I have the flu symptoms, etc. But says normally the first is very painful and raging? I just had the one little bump. As if this isn't bad enough. I get a phone call saying I also have "Tric" ( an std PARASITE) I have never felt so dirty in my life. NEVER. Fiance says " She smelled...should have known" WELL NO KIDDING. So much for making me feel any better at that moment.

 

Anyways. I called the girl. To tell her. She basically knows and doesn't care. She knew about me before, and didn't care then either.

 

He is obviously disgusted with himself, remorseful, guilty. But also seems like it hasn't hit him...

 

Me on the other hand? I'm ashamed, I feel dirty. I'm scared. I'm angry my baby girl was exposed needlessly. I'm afraid my children got it from the toilet seat after me ( is this possible?) I'm washing all of our clothes separately. I feel like I lost my normalcy. I feel like I'm too soiled to touch my kids. I'm ticked I can't bath with my baby, or kiss my children. I feel like they're losing a piece of their Mommy because I'm mentally exhausted and messed up. I feel like I lost what my fiance and I had. We were doing better than ever. We were PERFECT. I'm confused. I have NO idea what this all means, the internet has conflicting information. I'm confused about what this means for our sex life.

 

This can't be me, can it? I have never even had a cold sore. I've never had anything down there. I actually looked yesterday...that ONE little tiny bump and a bit of red is what is taking over my brain? Changing my life?

 

But things I HAVE learned in a few days? Herpes has too much negative stigma attached to it. Now that I have it, I told my fiance I'm going to try and view it as " Contagious Sex Acne" Cause really, that's all it is. I learned to NEVER joke about things like this. I've made a herpes joke a time or two, it's really NOT funny to joke about ANYTHING that may affect someone. I've learned I'm going to HAVE to learn to love myself, and that I am not just someone with herpes. I will learn who the people worth keeping in my life are and I have learned my couple best friends, really ARE my best friends. I told them. I told them I was more scared about what they would think? Every morning since they've texted or messaged me to let me know they love me no matter what and ask how I am doing.

 

Any advice? I feel so stupid...

[misslost]

Wait, wait, wait. SEE I am clearly confused. Now more so after reading a post

 

My BLOOD test said HSV 1. But I have an outbreak on my genitals. Doesn't that mean HSV2? When he did the DNA test on the bump he just called it herpes. Here I am thinking I may have both. I am so lost and DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

 

I think I will go read everything the ADMIN sent me right this second.

[WCSDancer2010]

Awwww @Misslost.... First.... BREATHE!!! Take a nice, deep breath and exhale. All this anxiety isn't going to help you (because Herpes LOVES stress and drama), or your baby. If nothing else drives you to regain control of the anxiety and upset, your baby needs to be your driving force to get grounded and back to some sense of normalcy.

 

So - one of the first things I want to clear up..

 

Me on the other hand? I'm ashamed, I feel dirty. I'm scared. I'm angry my baby girl was exposed needlessly. I'm afraid my children got it from the toilet seat after me ( is this possible?) I'm washing all of our clothes separately. I feel like I lost my normalcy. I feel like I'm too soiled to touch my kids. I'm ticked I can't bath with my baby, or kiss my children. I feel like they're losing a piece of their Mommy because I'm mentally exhausted and messed up.

 

Honey, there is no logical reason for you to feel dirty other than that you are buying into the stigma that you recognized further down in your post. One thing you need to understand is that your kids won't get it from the toilet seat, your clothes, or by having a bath with you...and you certainly won't give it to them by kissing them. The herpes is on your GENITALS... not your lips or anywhere outside the "boxers" area. Sounds like yours is very localized, so I doubt it's even much outside the genital/crotch area. I have 2 daughters, both born after I got Herpes... I raised them in a time when we were not told much at all about it... AND I have the Oral version as well (which thankfully I knew could be passed by kissing and sharing drinks if I had an OB so I did take some precautions in that area but I didn't go crazy with it). You are certainly NOT soiled.

 

I get you are mentally exhausted...that comes with having a baby without this kinda mess to deal with. But try to put all that into perspective. You will be fine being around your children, you don't have to do separate washes for your clothes (herpes doesn't live long outside the body and soap will kill it pretty quickly) ... and you should be fine having a bath with them tho I might abstain during an actual OB simply because they may reach out and touch an area by mistake and their little systems are not set up for H yet.

 

As for your baby being exposed, have they tested her? Mine were routinely tested a week after birth and then 6 months later. Usually it will show up quickly in them soon after birth because they have no protection against anything..so just be aware that if she starts to run a fever or act ill, get her to a Dr. Odds are it will be an ear infection or whatever but I would keep an eye on her simply because you were only recently infected and that is the time that you may be more likely to shed.

 

And I'd read the Dr the riot act... that was a terrible breach in their system and it *could* have been far worse than it is right now.

 

As for your fiance, well, sounds like he's in denial and probably feeling pretty mortified that one fling (likely done while drunk and depressed about your situation) caused so much heartache and pain. I can't tell you what to do... except that the guy has a lot of trust to rebuild whatever happens and he has to man up and accept that. But if you stay with him, you will HAVE to eventually forgive him and let it go. You can't keep it hanging over his head for the rest of your lives. We are all human beings, being human. Yes, he lied...likely because he was ashamed. People do stupid things all the time (I'll bet you can think of a few things you would rather not have in your history :P )... and we usually get lucky. Men do even MORE stupid things because their testosterone clouds their brain ... it's proven fact that their blood supply can't supply both heads at once, and when you add depression and/or alcohol, well, it's a pretty lethal combination.

 

I'm glad that you have already changed how you view STD's and the public perception of them. Most of us here eventually come to realize that H gives us a great place to learn and grow, and it seems like you have had a HUGE lesson in empathy and compassion... now you just have to apply it to YOURSELF ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[WCSDancer2010]

My BLOOD test said HSV 1. But I have an outbreak on my genitals. Doesn't that mean HSV2? When he did the DNA test on the bump he just called it herpes. Here I am thinking I may have both. I am so lost and DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

 

So - I can't say for certain (and likely your Dr will need to run more tests) but I'm *guessing* you have had HSV1 Oral for most of your life (I got it at about age 3... up to 60% of young people have it by the time they are young adults) and that your fiance brought home HSV2. Have you got the results of the swab back yet? Hopefully you will have a confirmed result that will tell you what you have down there.

 

I've had Herpes (both kinds) longer than most - got HSV1 at age 3, HSV2 with my first sexual encounter at age 16. (Lucky me :p ). I was fortunate to go through most of my life not affected by any stigma....it's only in recent years that it's gotten out of hand as it is right now.

 

Either way, whatever you have, you WILL be fine. The only thing is, if you have Oral HSV1 you will need to find out if your fiance has it too...otherwise you could give it to him through kissing or oral sex. It's nothing that bad...just that you will need to discuss it with him and be cautious about oral sex, esp if there is any chance of you having an OB.