scared

[confused1988]

Hello out there I am in need of some support. Recently my boyfriend of two yrs ended things btw us. I was diagnosed with HSV type 1 and I felt he had accepted it. In fact when I told him I had it...he was veey sweet and supportive (we had broken up for about 6 months inwhich time I had intercourse with another guy). Anyways due to the fact that he accepted my herpes I really felt he was the one. I even overlooked other red flags in the relationship.....he was very possessive and controlling. I began justifying his actions and telling myself he really loved me. I mean who else would be ok with hsv. Well now that we r done...I know he was not for me .but I am so terrified of having the talk wit the next guy I date. I mean..I stay up at night thinking about it......I get serious anxiety from it!! Ive only had one outbreak (genital) and I am on suppressive therapy..i feel i have a good grip on this virus and ive educated myself. i just need some support. You guys are all amazing on this forum.

[HerryTheHerp]

Hey, Well, HSV1 is about as common as they come. In fact, about 80% of adults have it. So, you really have nothing to feel too guilty about.

 

Look at it this way: You're out of a bad relationship. That's a good thing. Being in a bad relationship will only bring you down and make you miserable. It's better to be alone than to feel bad with someone who's supposed to love and support you. I know it may not seem like it now, but trust me, this is a blessing.

 

Being in the dating pool is scary. There's lots of sharks, a bunch of jellyfish without spines, and a handful of guppy's who always want to mess up your day. It's a big ocean, and getting out there to explore it is one of the hardest things you will ever do. And, you feel like you have a scarlet "H" on your chest all the time. But, the truth is, we all have our own Scarlet H's on our chest. Life gives them to us, and we learn to either hide our heads in shame, or hold them up high. It's a choice; and if you hold your head high, well, the next guy you attract isn't going to be a snake...he's going to be a gentleman who loves you and treats you the way a lady should be treated.

[confused1988]

Wow. Very good advice....u really helped me with these words thank you!

[WCSDancer2010]

@confused1988

 

Ya know, the longer I live, the more I realize who screwed up we humans are. I'm literally watching a program right now about the pressures Black women feel to get a weave... that they need it to boost their self worth. They spend THOUSANDS of dollars (and many are solid working citizens who can barely afford them) to boost their feelings of self worth and to "fit in". And the ironic thing is most of the hair comes from India from women who have had their heads shaved in a religious ceremony because hair is considered to be a sign of vanity...and they are getting shaved to give that up to their Gods.

 

There are so many things that can trigger our insecurities.... the thing is to recognize that we are just being triggered ... that it's not about the Herpes, or the nappy hair, or our skin color, or whatever. We all have the capacity to find and deserve love. But until we love ourselves first and foremost, with ALL the things that we see as our "flaws" ... we will will find it hard to accept love from someone who genuinely loves US. We will continue to stay in bad relationships because we feel we "deserve" to settle with someone because who else would accept us as we are?

 

(((HUGS))) to you

[confused1988]

Thank u dancer.....u lifted me up....