Intimate and have yet to have the herpes talk

[Kim25]

Hello Everybody,

 

I've been following this forum since I found out I had herpes in Oct 2013.

Since October, I haven't dated or anything until recently - 2 weeks ago. Also I just started taking suppressive therapy last week.

 

Ok so I met a lovely lady 2 weeks ago and we've been having a great time. I really like her. Before our first date, I was worried about if this would even work because of my herpes condition. Plus we have the same circle of friends, so I'm like if I tell her, what if she tells all our friends (because people like to confide in their friends).

 

So by our 3rd date, she spent a night and we cuddled in the bed and made out and that was it - I made sure to not do anything else because I didn't want to put her at risk.

 

A few days later, we had dinner at her house and then I followed her to her bed. We made out and I made sure to not do anything else. She got kind of excited and started grinding on my leg. We both had shorts on, no underwear. So she is straddling my leg, and then she almost reaches In to my shorts but I grab her hand so fast, lol, and bring it back up to my chest. After that, I just told her I was tired and we stopped. During this time, my vagina did not make contact with any part of her body, because we had shorts on and I made sure not to go near her in that way. Still she may have received some vaginal liquids on her body from my shorts but I'm not sure. I read that herpes cannot be passed through fluids, only skin to skin contact so I thinks she is fine right?

 

So I feel really guilty because even though, we did not have full on sex, I should have told her before we got intimate. I want to tell her tonight about my condition. But I'm also scared because she is about To go out of the country- and I won't see her till July. I was thinking about telling her then when she comes back but I feel like I need to tell her now. I'm going to apologize and explain what herpes is and also give her the handouts.

 

I'm really nervous and scared. I feel guilty but I am trying not to beat myself up because this is going to by my first disclosure and I am learning from my mistakes. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Kim25

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

So - you can stop panicking... you didn't have skin on skin contact and you kept your clothes on ... so you are in the clear as far as disclosure timing ... and it's totally understandable that you want to wait until she is DESERVING of being privy to you being vulnerable enough to tell her. That is one of the blessings of Herpes - we are less likely to just jump into intimacy until we get to know the person better.

 

We have tons of successful disclosure stories on here - I'll drop a few links below so you can get an idea of what you may want to say and some confidence that this needn't be a big deal ;) There's no perfect time as long as it's before intimacy ... so you need to figure out what is right for YOU and go with that ...

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2833/this-was-a-first kitcattat

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2892/first-disclosing-talk-with-a-new-guy-so-relieved Figuringthisout

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2879/rekindling-an-old-flame Valkyrie

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3021/successful-herpes-disclosure Starsinhereyes

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3036/i-had-the-herpes-talk-and-he-said- thisisgoingtobeok

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3271/first-disclosure-was-a-success-i-can-breathe-now- Rogue1313 (casual friend)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2921/met-a-new-guy-and-have-a-few-concerns-not-ready-to-tell-him-i-have-herpes-#Item_7 inspired 32

[HerryTheHerp]

Well, your risk is extremely low. I'd say pretty much non-existent. While herpes is transmitted via skin to skin, it can also be transmitted via fluid that comes into contact with infected skin. Thus, if you had a lesion or a prodome, vaginal fluid comes into contact with it, and voila, it transfers.

 

As far as disclosing, I don't think you've done anything wrong. You've done the right thing by not letting things get too far, and well, I think it's up to you as to whether you want to wait or tell her before she leaves. If it were me, I'd wait until she gets back, but definitely tell her before it goes any further than it already has. For now, enjoy getting to know her, and enjoy the intimacy that is building.

[Kim25]

Thank you Henry the Herp and Dancer! You both made me feel so much better! Also Henry, I am going to wait until she comes back in town! Also thank you dancer for posting successful disclosure stories!

 

Ok so yesterday, 30 mins after making this post. I received a call from my doctor and she told me I tested positive for HPV. I thought all I contracted was herpes and I was over it, but now HPV all from that one sexual encounter. I contracted herpes and hpv back In October - ugh!!!!

Now I have to tell her I have two STDs! Please send me good vibes :)

[WCSDancer2010]

Kim

 

HPV is the most prevalent STD out there ... the CDC says that basically anyone who is sexually active will get at least one of the 40 strains in their life (it can even get passed while using a condom :P ) Did they tell you which one it is and how it's expressed (warts/cancer/changes in the cervix, etc)

[Kim25]

Thank you dancer for the information. I am feeling better. Trying to worry less. Right now I am trying to connect with my higher self. Meditate, connect with nature.