Coming to Terms

[lbbd8154]

In the almost 4 years I have known I've had herpes, I like to joke to people that I have bad luck. "...no, really," I always say, because it's not generally known that I have it, but it's like my own private joke (heh, heh?). It's not something I would like people to know about me unless I tell them first, if only because I would hate to be judged by people I don't even know, based on something I can't change.

It's definitely been really hard for me, coping with it. It has made me a stronger woman, overall, but it was a rollercoaster ride to get here, with more downs than ups. I contracted herpes when I was 19, from either my first or second boyfriend (both of them deny having had it, so I'll never know, ha). Now, almost 4 years later, after a string of rejection and failed relationships (some on my part, some on theirs), I have currently been single for almost a year and a half. I was all set on solitude for the rest of my life, jokingly saying that my cat is the only male I need in my life. It was only after reading your blogs did I realize I am actually severely depressed. When I thought I was being independent, I know now that I have just been afraid to open up again. And when I've been saying, "ah, screw relationships, they're just a waste of time and someone ALWAYS gets hurt", now I know I was just setting myself up for failure.

Your words have given me hope. I have always known the statistics of people with herpes since I contracted it (which, in theory, means that roughly 20% of the people I know have it also...), but somehow I still considered myself alone in this situation. I never thought about looking for support. When I read the blogs I was crying; crying with hope, crying with shame for ever FEELING ashamed, crying with a renewed purpose for life again. I know that my heart won't unfreeze instantly, but I think I'm ready to start feeling again.

So I really just wanted to say thank you, and I don't think I've ever meant those words more.

[mr_hopp]

I've said it before and I'll say it again ... ;) ... With tears streaming down my face, I so appreciate you and how you are appreciating yourself. The hardest part of the herpes healing process is when you are HARD on yourself, when you are JUDGING yourself, when you are your own worst enemy. However, when you are KIND and LOVING to yourself and see the process as a process instead of a brick wall standing in front of you, everything can change in an instant. You're demonstrating that. Thank you for being a role model for that kind of awareness. It's inspiring. I honor you. Here's to a renewed purpose for life. :)