Can I please just make a big deal out of this for a minute?

[verysadfornow]

I started therapy (the talking kind) this morning, because things have been getting out of control in my head. I have other issues in my life to work on, too.

 

Part of what I have been struggling with is that I was diagnosed with HSV-2 because I was having ongoing vaginal symptoms (burning, tingling, itching, irritation...no blisters). The initial “outbreak” was negative on all tests, and didn’t have sores (and now my doctor doesn't even think that was an outbreak). After months of different doctors and tests I learned it was all a simple bacterial infection which cleared up with metrogel. So, I have had no actual herpes symptoms it seems, and only know about this because of additional blood tests that I got during the whole process of being misdiagnosed.

 

I am coming to terms with having it, and I think it is good to know my status because I can protect future partners (if I find one), but psychologically it has been really hard for me to deal with because I might be one of the people who never has symptoms and maybe shouldn’t even have “known” about this. I feel like I’m being punished by finding out (I know this isn’t the case and again, as a health conscious, responsible individual, I know it is better to know my status – but hence the reason I’m in therapy, I need to work this out).

 

Also - I know in a sense I am very lucky because I'm not experiencing symptoms. The BV was a 3-4 month long constant nightmare that made me hate my vagina, so I do get some of it, but of course not all.

 

Anyway, I really liked the therapist and she was easy to talk to and very understanding, but she said to me, “if you don’t have symptoms, then why do you have to tell him you have this?” (him is the guy I’m seeing who I will need to disclose to sometime very soon) and I said, “because I could still pass it on” and she said, “but not necessarily – you probably can’t pass it on most of the time.”

 

And I know in reality, she’s probably right (about the minimal risk of transmission, not about withholding the information), because I am taking Valtrex daily and I would use condoms, so, reasonably, I probably won’t pass it on (and that’s part of the whole disclosure speech), but is there something I’m missing that everyone in the medical field knows that makes them treat this diagnosis so casually? I understand that in reality, the physical manifestation of herpes is usually not a big deal…but it is still considered a public health issue and it is still psychologically traumatizing, so why are they so cavalier about it?

 

Even my sisters, whom I love dearly, are getting annoyed with me for having these feelings of shame and fear. One of my sisters gets cold sores on her face regularly and she said that I was being inconsiderate because I never have to deal with symptoms and even if I did, I don’t have to experience the embarrassment she does because no one knows. I do feel for her, but it has never been an issue in her dating life. She’s now engaged and her fiancé has no problem with her oral herpes at all, but has said (he doesn’t know about me) that genital herpes is filthy and disgusting.

 

TL/DR: I just want to hurt and make a big deal of this diagnosis because despite not having symptoms it has had a huge impact on my life; it will affect all of my future romantic relationships and isn't it okay to have some anxiety about that as I try to come to terms with it? Aren't I allowed to make a big deal out of it, at least for a little while?

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@verysadfornow

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Of course you are entitled to be mad/sad/outraged/pissed off and a whole lotta other emotions ... and it's VERY normal. We are just here to keep reminding you that you don't have to HOLD ONTO those feelings. Experience them, then let them go. Do what you have to in order to move THROUGH this part, so you don't get stuck there. ;)

 

but she said to me, “if you don’t have symptoms, then why do you have to tell him you have this?” (him is the guy I’m seeing who I will need to disclose to sometime very soon) and I said, “because I could still pass it on” and she said, “but not necessarily – you probably can’t pass it on most of the time.”

 

So - I gave you a suggestion for your Dr on your other post ... and I suggest you print the same info out for your therapist. As a therapist, she is not properly trained (and not really expected to be) around every illness and the implications of the illness ... but YOU can educate her which I am sure will be welcomed and enlightening for her. And I'd suggest that you ask her to look on here and see how H affects people .. and tell her that even with a 1-2% chance of passing it on with Antivirals, it's a matter of Integrity to give your partner the CHOICE in the matter. AND that your "giver" believed he couldn't pass it on to you, but he did. If she doesn't get that, you may want to think about whether she's a good CHOICE for you to see for the long term ;)

 

She’s now engaged and her fiancé has no problem with her oral herpes at all, but has said (he doesn’t know about me) that genital herpes is filthy and disgusting.

 

Well, I would see if I could engage him in a conversation that came around to Genital Herpes or STD's and see if you could get him to utter that and then gently advise them that she needs to be careful about oral sex because she could pass it to his genitals even without an OB. If he continues to act like an ass, well, sit back and wait to see if Karma gives him a viral kick in the ass :(

 

I know you feel it will affect all your future romantic relationships ... but get this, it MAY affect them for the BETTER ... because the bond you will forge before disclosure, and the vulnerability and honesty that is opened up with disclosure can combine to make for a relationship that is better than anything you have experienced in the past. And that's not such a bad thing, eh?

[whitedaisies]

Good idea about going to therapy. For me, being diagnosed with herpes shook me at the foundation and I went to therapy and for the first few weeks all I spoke about was herpes...it was crazy, but now its helping me focus on other stuff in my life that is more important (can't believe I am saying that...lol...huge step for me!).

 

So, it will get worse before it gets better, but it doesn't take as long as I thought. I have been in therapy for 2 months and I am seeing progress with other things in my life. I am positioning myself to get the life that I want.

 

So good on ya...rant, cry, laugh...whatever you need to...it will get better and you may find that herpes will actually help you find the life that you want. THat's what I am finding.