how do I tell the guy ive been sleeping with that I have herpes?

[my_eggo_is_preggo]

Ive been sleeping with an amazing guy. I want a relationship but he wants to take things slow. After we began sleeping together I found out I do infact have herpes and I dont know how to tell him. I dont want him to get mad or never talk to me again. I really do love him and im afraid to lose him

[WCSDancer2010]

Well if you have just started sleeping with him and you are having your first OB there's a VERY good chance you got it from him. How were you diagnosed? Bloodwork or swab? If you had an Igg blood test and it registered H+ then you have had the virus for more than 4 months.

 

Give us a bit more details of your diagnosis and we can give you a better idea how to approach telling him... ok??? But do know we have a lot of great results on here ... and I can point you to success stories so you can see how others have approached their partners.

 

(((HUGS)))

[my_eggo_is_preggo]

I was swab tested and it came back positive im not really sure about anything else cause I havent even talked to a dr about it yet my 1st obgyn appointment is july 1st...I slept with a guy back in december and in april I found out he had a girlfriend the whole time and she told me she has had it since she was 18...I then got the flu like symptoms and got tested but it came back negative ( I believe it was blood work the 1st time) so I thought I was free n clear I recently met this guy and started sleeping with him about 2 weeks into it I started another ob and went to the er and they swab tested my leg and called me last week and said im positive

[WCSDancer2010]

Ok - so you are not having OB's in the genital area?

 

So the first guy is the baby's father? Does your BF know you are pregnant?

 

You certainly need to tell him ASAP. Honesty is best. The fact that you had a test back around April that was negative at least will help him to understand that you DID do the right thing around testing (has HE been tested for everything???) and that you didn't know until you went for the second test. I'd tell him what you just said about the ex and his GF telling you, the first test, and then the most recent OB and test. Print out the handouts and e-book on here and send him here if he wants more info. Tell him to stay the hell off Google because a lot of sites are either incorrect or "scare-mongering". Or take him in with you if your OBGYN seems to have a good way of explaining the implications of the virus so he can ask directions directly. Get yourself informed (read as much as you can on here) so you can feel confident when you tell him.

 

I'll post a few success stories so you can get an idea of how others have handled it .. hope it helps :)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3036/i-had-the-herpes-talk-and-he-said-thisisgoingtobeok

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3439/tonight-is-my-night NSgreenville (male) (READ TO THE END!!)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3453/proper-vocabulary-i-have-herpes-vs-im-a-carrier-of-hsv blueeyes… ending 8 yr dry spell from terror to elation

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3337/i-did-it-and-i-am-ok- Murbs

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2921/met-a-new-guy-and-have-a-few-concerns-not-ready-to-tell-him-i-have-herpes inspired 32

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3498/exhale-finally Aimi

[my_eggo_is_preggo]

No the ob is only on my leg above my knee...ive been keeping a bandaid over it and even took the medicine the er called in for me but it hasnt went away....the babys father is not the one who gave it to me...he is someone I slept with after I thought I was negative. ..he doesnt want any part of the baby so I havent even told him cause he wont talk to me...the new guy ive been seeing does know im pregnant and is fine with it...I just found out today that the guy who gave me herpes is the new guys friend they work together and that makes it 10 more times difficult cause he'll probably think im just bad mouthing his friend...im in an awful situation

[WCSDancer2010]

The fact that you were H- a few months ago and are now H+ isn't "bad mouthing".... it's just plain fact... it takes up to 4 months for enough antibodies to show up so this just shows that you got it in your time with the baby's daddy....

 

And the fact that he want's nothing to do with the baby speaks volumes. If your current guy can't get that this guy isn't taking responsibility and may not be the "friend" he thinks he is, well, maybe he's not a great match for you either if his loyalty is so divided that he sides with the guy.

 

So with luck you only got it on your leg ... you won't now for sure unless you have an OB on the genitals but the longer you go without one there the better the chance it's quite localized... in which case it will likely go quiet after awhile and not bother you much.

 

I still maintain .. tell him the truth and what you have told me here. His reaction will tell you a LOT about him... read my Wingman blog to see what I mean as well as Adrials video here ;)

 

http://herpeslife.com/using-herpes-as-your-wing-man/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

 

When to have the H talk Adrial

 

[KLB]

I just wanted to add a comment that just because your OBs have only appeared on your leg, you can still be contagious from your genital tract. it's surprising how many doctors (including OB/GYN's) don't know that so just thought I would mention. :)

 

I too only have had OB's on my thigh (and butt) and my first few years before suppressive therapy were rough. I suggest starting with 500 mg of Valtrex daily to help get it under control.

[my_eggo_is_preggo]

Thank u both so much.