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When will I find a new normal?

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Over the past 1.5 years I have lost over 100 lbs, and in December I finally built up the confidence to have sex for the first time at 28 years old.


Last week I found out my boyfriend gave me genital HSV1 when I had my first (and very painful) OB. I could not be more devastated about the diagnosis, and now the insecure girl I have known for years is back in full force. My boyfriend never told me he had oral HSV1, and I can't help but feel angry with him for not disclosing this to me. And now I feel like our physical relationship will be impacted with his high concern for contracting the disease--not sure where that concern was when he knew he had oral HSV1?


There is not an hour that goes by I don't think of this disease and what this will mean for my life going forward. Any words of advice to move past this? Any advice on how to repair a relationship after this?


Thank you in advance!

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Hello and Welcome!


First, well done on the weight loss - I hope you will continue to remember what you went through to achieve that ... it shows you have the ability to dig deep... so pull from whatever source that helped you through that ... because Herpes isn't one half as big a deal as your mind will have you to believe... ;)


So your BF gave you HSV1 through oral sex ... and while he may have known he had cold sores, it's very likely he didn't know he could pass it to your genitals. Sadly many people are misinformed - they either don't know they can pass it at all, or they think they can only pass it if they have an OB... This mis-information is the reason that 50% of all new genital cases are from oral sex/HSV1. So you are FAR from alone with having genital HSV1.


He's worried about catching it back from you...what irony, eh??? :/ So the "good" news is that because he has HSV1 already he has the antibodies to it...so he would be far less likely to catch it from you. Also, once it settles down (4-6 months hopefully) it will shed a lot less than HSV2 ... and if you add anti-virals and/or condoms he'd be pretty darned safe. So tell him to get informed... either he needs to go to his Dr or come on here and we'll help him to get educated ;)


Your reaction is very "normal". Most here will tell you they reacted in the same way - so be patient with yourself. Take one day at a time. Read as much as you can on here. Ask all you need to and rant when you need to. We'll help you to get your bearings again. It WILL happen ... I'm a 35 yr veteran of H and I can assure you it shouldn't affect your life any more than YOU let it ;)



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Hello meggie0330,


As someone who has lost nearly 70 pounds since January I say congratulations and job well done. Losing weight can be tough when temptation is lurking around every corner. Knowing how difficult it can be for a woman to lose weight, you have shown that you have amazing perseverance. That perseverance is what is going to help you through this. The early days of having this virus are the hardest. Once you have yourself educated, know your prodomal symptoms and more or less get used to having the virus, you won't think about it so much anymore. That will take some time. It's kind of like the grieving process. Denial, anger and acceptance. That is more or less what you are in the midst of now. Dancer and I are old timers at this. We've both had this virus for well over half our lives and it really is nothing more than a blip on the radar. This site is the best place you could have come to get your H education. You will find many wonderful people who are at various stages along the H highway. So, take a deep breath, exhale, put one foot in front of the other because life does go on.

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