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Urgent Advice Needed: Irresponsible with Herpes.

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Hi all,


Recently I found out that one of my friends from work has been diagnosed with HSV2. As for me, I have been diagnosed for about a month now. Since my diagnosis, I have become very optimistic about my situation, found amazing support from my family and this wonderful H community. The problem is that my friend is in denial and is already putting others' health at risk.


This week I received a facebook message from a girl who I was acquaintances from my old gym. She was asking if my friend "had anything". To my surprise, I did not realize these two knew each other. Turns out my friend had unprotected sex with this girl AFTER knowing his diagnosis. When she was consulting me about the situation, I was horrified! I immediately called my friend about the situation to see what the hell he was thinking. Despite me previously telling him about asymptomatic viral shedding, he claimed he didn't think anything would happen if he wasn't showing symptoms... I don't think I have ever been so disappointed with someone in my life. For me, I can handle HSV2 but the thing I wouldn't be able to handle is knowingly putting someone at risk for transmitting it as well like he just did.


I did not disclose to the girl about his specific condition because it isn't my place to disclose for anyone else. However, I did strongly urge her to get tested, and to abstain from sex until she knows any further information.


Currently, I am trying to break through to my arrogant friend by getting him to man up by being honest with this girl and the risk he has put her through... Any advice in how to get through to him?? I feel like Ive tried pleading every angle with him... I just don't want him to put anyone in danger...

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Part of me is sad for your friend. I understand his denial. That doesn't give him the right to play chances with other people's lives. I feel like when people cannot be honest to their partners about herpes, they are only giving into the stigma. Unfortunately, there are people who find it to be a deal breaker. I don't necessarily blame those people. They have the right to know about the virus, and also have the right to decide to stay or leave. It helps figure out who is right and wrong for you. By not disclosing the truth though, we are making the virus worse than it actually is.

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The thing is, they aren't even in a relationship. My friend tends to have a "player" mentality and merely hooks up with girls... When I talk to him, it seems like he listens but then does the opposite. Im trying not to turn him away by reprimanding or yelling at him but he cannot keep acting so carelessly...

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So here is what I would do - print out the handouts from here and from the CDC (lins below) and underline/highlight the parts I'm copying below. It will be harder for him to ignore something that is put out by the Gov't health agency. Beyond that, there isn't much you can do...tho you can warn him that in some states, if he has sex without disclosing now that he knows he has H, and the other person gets it, he *could* be taken to court in some states.


You may also want to encourage him to get on here. I expect he is in denial because he doesn't want to give up his player status. Thing is, there are people who continue to have hook-ups who have H who disclose to each one and rarely get turned down ... the more "free" a person is with their sexuality the more likely they are to understand the risks of that lifestyle ;)


@ihavehope - I don't think @Tallboy is not open about hookups ... rather he is concerned about his friend spreading Herpes to unwitting partners, that's all :)


Here's the links:


Handouts + disclosure e-book:





How do people get genital herpes?


Infections are transmitted through contact with lesions, mucosal surfaces, genital secretions, or oral secretions. HSV-1 and HSV-2 can also be shed from skin that looks normal. In persons with asymptomatic HSV-2 infections, genital HSV shedding occurs on 10% of days, and on most of those days the person has no signs or symptoms. [4] Generally, a person can only get HSV-2 infection during sexual contact with someone who has a genital HSV-2 infection. Transmission most commonly occurs from an infected partner who does not have a visible sore and may not know that he or she is infected. [5]


Good luck .... you are in a sticky spot there....




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Thank you @WCSDancer2010.


I will definitely share the handouts and cdc facts with him. Like you said, it isn't like I don't condone him "hooking up", he just really needs to understand how his actions can affect others now that he is H+.


Thank you for the helpful information!

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