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How contagious am I? - What touch is not risky?

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Well, I am thinking of disclosing to this man I like and met; he is in his early 60s so I would hope that he would be more mature about the whole situation. I am not going to see him til next week-end, but I wanted to clarify what touching is appropriate and least risky besides vaginal or anal sex?


So, if we lie naked in bed together and cuddle without any genital rubbing? I am taking antivirals, get no visible sores, but do have pain in the vaginal area on and off. Is that risky? Could he get it if we just cuddle?


Could we shower together?


I am assuming oral sex is ok and me touching him.


I want to progress the relationship physically without going all the way....I am not ready yet. Of course, it's up to him and up for him to decide if he still wants it to progress, but in case he says he's ready and ok with it, I want to be prepared.


Any advice would be appreciated.



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Simple rule is: Wherever you acquired Herpes (and the immediate area around it) is where you *might* pass it you can on. And it's generally direct, sustained skin-to-skin contact/rubbing, etc that is the most risky.


So if you have Genital Herpes, can definitely cuddle ... even without clothes on (tho that runs the risk of things going further than you may want right now from what you are saying.) Yes, you can shower together too ... you are not a walking Petri dish ;) . Yes you can definitely give Oral (I believe you don't have oral herpes but in all honesty most who are sexually active have it and don't know it ... if you are on anti-virals and let him know the risks and are responsible then it should be his choice).


Can he give you oral? If you have Genital H2, then his risks are VERY low to get it orally - only 1% of all Oral herpes is H2. If you have H1, the risk is higher but still pretty darned low if you are on anti-virals (lower than kissing ... because shedding of H1 genitally is lower than orally). Of course, it would help if he knows (for certain) his status too. If you have H2 and he has H1 oral, you DO stand a slight risk of getting H1 genital from him. Don't forget in your worries about protecting your partner, about protecting YOU!.


And yes, touch away! If anything, use this time to not get sexual, but to get INTIMATE! It's a whole different angle on the physical part of a relationship... but in the end, you may find that by using this time to get to experience each other without all the expectations that are surrounded with sex, the more satisfying the relationship will be in the long run ;)


And while being in his 60's would hopefully make him "more mature", it doesn't mean he's well educated around H. Make sure you have the handouts and a few links for him if he needs more information. And whatever you do, don't take ANYTHING he may say personally .... if anything, how he handles it will tell you a whole lot about HIM... even if he chooses to walk away ...


(((HUGS))) and good luck friend!

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Ah, I am going to chicken out, I think. I waffle back and forth, disclosing/not.....I was the "perfect package" before H (my old BF told me), and now I just feel less than that. What guy is going to want to be with me after they find out I am not so perfect...especially in this way! I wish I was brave like so many of you on this forum, but it just seems like they are so much younger and maybe its easier to disclose....I dunno, but I am in my 40s and I just feel like a walking virus sometimes, especially because I have it in different places. I am petrified to have sex, but I would if I really trusted and cared for the guy, the problem is, you have to disclose to get to that part and I just don't think I can....and since antivirals aren't helping these constant outbreaks, the chances of someone getting it are pretty high....


I know it;s strange, but I envy those who get outbreaks, then have periods of nothing and then outbreaks again. I wish I could get herpes like that....but this is what I got...emotionally I am so much better than I was, but physically I am worse, so why can't I be emotionally and physically good at the same time!?!?!?!?!?


So sorry, anyone has to read this dribble. I am on this forum giving objective advice to everyone else (good advice I think...lol.... :) )but I can't take my own...I know I am worthy to love and to have someone love me, I just can't get to the point of actually telling someone out loud of what I have and I can't imagine them wanting to risk their health for me. And I know, you can get hit by a car, die in an airplane crash, but those things you have no foresight about, no knowledge of plane malfunction or drunk drivers when you get in the car, with herpes, you have knowledge that the risk exists, its there everyday staring you in the face, it's like getting in the car everyday and expecting an accident.


Blah, blah, blah....thank goodness therapy is tomorrow. Had another bad outbreak today so I'm not my positive self...ugh.


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