Scared to lose him after disclosure

[Alie34]

Hello all,

 

First of all I have to say what a great site. I find this so helpful to read everyone's stories and related to them. I have hsv2 and was diagnosed 2 1/2yrs ago. I got it from my then boyfriend that knew he had but didn't tell me and apparently he was shedding the virus and eventhough we used protection I got it. I was devastated and thought my life was over. After seeing that it's not as bad as people made it sound (only get 1 ob per year maybe) I came to conclusion that this isn't as bad... Actually there's times that it doesn't cross my mind the thought that I have it.

 

Anyways I did disclose to 2 guys before and one accepted me which we broke up for other reasons and the other didn't want to take the risk. I've now met this amazing guy and we've been dating for a few weeks and are exclusive to eachother, he's everything I've ever wanted in a man and he's head over heels for me.

 

He keeps telling me he's in this for the long haul and isn't going anywhere. Yesterday he told me how happy he is and how great it is for him to be able to just be himself around me and that torn me up inside as I really want to tell him so bad because I feel that I'm keeping this from him. I haven't been able to tell him just yet because the environment hasn't been appropriate, I don't want to tell him at a restaurant or a bar where there's loud music. I definatley have to tell him this week either Saturday (invited him for a night in) or during the week he might be coming over.

 

The thing is I'm mortified, I am most probably going to cry because I'm so scared that he's going to walk away. Now I need help as to how I should start the subject. I know I'm going to tell him that I want to be honest with him and that I love what we have and I want to see it going further plus I feel safe to be vulnerable in front of him. Then I'm stuck as to how to tell him and I need help badly. I know I want to tell him that there's 2 types and the difference between them, that it's a skin condition and it really isn't as bad as the stigma is out there. I also want to tell him the numbers and want him to know that he's safe with me as I'll do anything to keep him safe. Btw I get 1ob with anti virals... With acyclovir I don't get any at all. Please help me as I'm really scared that he might judge me and think that I'm promiscuous. Sorry for the long post and any help will be much appreciated.

 

Alie

[WCSDancer2010]

@Alie34

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

There's a wealth of information on the site ... you seem to have the right idea of what you need to tell him ... so I'm going to mostly give you links to help you get your facts straight and to give you examples of successful disclosures to give you ideas how to approach it and to give you courage. Bottom line, if he says he's in for the long haul, well, that means through difficulty and unforeseen hurdles, ... I say H acts as your Wingman and it will show you who he REALLY is (even if he chooses to discontinue the relationship, HOW he handles it will tell you if you have someone who might be a great friend to you, or if he just jumps ship at the first sign of something that scares him)...

 

Several things to think about:

 

Have the Handouts (links below) with you as well as links to RELIABLE sites like this, the CDC, Westover Heights, and MedHelp so he can look up information if he want's to get educated (and I would encourage him to so he can make an informed choice). Tell him to stay the hell off Google images (if he really needs to see what *most* OB's look like, we can help him out here). Encourage him to talk to his Dr if he want's professional advice. We have a section here for partners of H+ people so he can always come and ask anything he wants for clarity.

 

So here are the links:

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes-detailed.htm

 

http://herpeslife.com/using-herpes-as-your-wing-man/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

 

This is a handful of the success stories we have had since January:

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3036/i-had-the-herpes-talk-and-he-said-thisisgoingtobeok

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3439/tonight-is-my-night NSgreenville (male)

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3453/proper-vocabulary-i-have-herpes-vs-im-a-carrier-of-hsv blueeyes… ending 8 yr dry spell from terror to elation

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3736/disclosed-to-the-guy-i-like-on-the-first-meeting Helzbelz88

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3744/its-just-a-thing- dudereally

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3337/i-did-it-and-i-am-ok- Murbs

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2921/met-a-new-guy-and-have-a-few-concerns-not-ready-to-tell-him-i-have-herpes inspired 32

 

And this is a great Facts video by the H Opp Founder, Adrial ...

 

Herpes facts video

[Alie34]

Thank you so much for the helpful information. I've been doing lots of research and read those already. I'm planning to see him tonight and will be disclosing to him... Wish me luck

[WCSDancer2010]

We're cheering you on over here!!!

 

Good luck!

[Alie34]

I did it!! He came over that evening and started by telling him that I've been holding something inside and I've been waiting for the right time. I also told him that I want to be honest and don't want to hold anything from him and that I feel safe to be vulnerable in front of him. I then told him about my hsv2 status.. I told him how my ex didn't tell me he had it and passed the virus to me, I gave him all the stats and gave him the chance to walk away if he wanted and that if he did I'd understand.

I then said that if he stayed I promised that I'd do everything in my power to keep him protected. He could tell I was upset and hurt and he held my hands tightly throughout the conversation. He was even chocked up a little. He then said that he wants to read about it and get educated. However it didn't change anything between us. He thanked me for being so honest and said that he has a new level of respect for me. After he left I felt relieved as if a lump has gone from my stomach, I was worried that he'd change his mind but yesterday he was normal and sweet as always and today we spent an amazing evening together. H was never part of the subject and I'm truly happy that he saw me for who I am and didn't let my silly skin condition come between us. He's an amazing man and I just couldn't be happier that he came into my life.... He's definitely a keeper!! Thank you so much for all those stories, if it wasn't for this website I would still be in the closet. I can now be happy, with a man that's crazy about me and I'm crazy about him. Thank you and I'll keep you posted as weeks progress.

I might need to start a new thread under the successful disclosures.

[WCSDancer2010]

I'll see if Adrial can move it there for you!

 

Congratulations! I hope you gave him all the info we gave you .... just to make sure he has good info .... more for his understanding of what it means for you and such.... but this is awesome!!!!!! Sooo happy and proud for you!!!

 

(((HUGS)))