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Trying to Keep My Head Up.


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Well, I really dont know how to go about this sort of a thing, but I am going to give it a shot. I am 22 years old, and I have had HSV-2 for a year now, but am just not coming to terms with it. My story is a pretty messed up one, well I think it is anyways. I should probably start from the beginning. I had just moved back home from school, and was kind of searching for a girl to spend time with. I had girlfriends before, but I was only wanting a girlfriend because I wanted to have sex, and not really create a relationship with her. So this time I really wanted to find someone who I could be friends with first, and then try to be sexual. Just to now, that it was real, and not just for the sex. I met my exgirlfriend, and she was one of the most amazing girls I had ever met. She was smart, she liked to read, she was an artist, she liked music. I thought she had it all. So I wanted to pursue being with her. I went on many dates with her for a good month, before I even attempted to hold her hand, or even kissed her. But, after a month, I was pretty love struck, and knew I wanted to be with her. So we started getting sexual, and it was a good time. She told me she loved me, and that she was really happy that I was with her, and I had never really been in love, so I didnt know how to react, but I did figure I was falling for her. We spent all of our time together at this point. And so after us dating for a month, we started having sex, and for 3 weeks everything was amazing... Then just as we are in her bed about to have sex, she says she needs to talk to me... She told me that she had genital herpes. I was speechless, I couldnt believe it. In the begininng I wanted to ask, but I figured someone would say something after hanging out for a month, and having sex for 3 weeks... I left after her telling me, and told her I would have to think about it. I gave her a few days, and I was already in love with her, and I wasnt sure if I had it yet, but I could feel tingling down there, but no signs. So to say the least, I was very scared. I was scared of being alone, and I thought she loved me, and I thought I was starting to love her. So I went for it.

After a week, I couldnt handle it. I had to tell someone, I turned to my sister. She told me I needed to get out. She said, that even if you have herpes, that is the least of your worries with her, She lied to you. So, I thought it over, and I broke up with her. But after 2 weeks of seperation, and her talking to me all the time, telling me she was sorry, and telling me that she loved, she said she wanted to talk in person, because we never got to come to a closure or soemthing. I agreed, and I went over to her house to talk. She just told me how much she loved me, and that she did want to be with me forever, if I would give her a chance. At this point, I was too scared of being alone, and I did love her. But I couldnt face what she had done to me, and had sex with me(sometimes unprotected), and she told me she LOVED me before she told me she had herpes... So I went for it again, this time I was in with her. I had herpes, and I didnt want to be alone, and I did love her. And even though she disrespected me from the start, I overlooked that, and accepted her for who she was.

Fastforward about 6 months later, we get an appartment together. Life is really good, we both had good jobs, she liked ALL of my friends, and we had plans for so many things in the future, (trips, music festivals, life, life plans, etc.) I was happy, everyone thought we were in for the long hall, and I thought so too. At this point, I didnt really even think about herpes, unless I would get an outbreak, I was in love. Everything else didnt matter I suppose, if I wasnt alone. Well, fastforward again a year and half later... It is the day before Halloween, we have a concert to go to, a costume to go, and then she drops another bomb on me... She basically tells me she isnt happy with the way life is going, she lost a sense of who she was, that she still really loved me, and WANTED to be with me, but this is what she NEEDED to do. Makes sense to some sort, but at the same time, I didnt get it. I thought she loved me, and even from the beginning she lied to me, she disrespected me, but I looked past that, because she told me she loved me, and wanted to be with me forever. Well, I tried to keep her, I really do love her, and she just didnt want it. She just checked out, and not only was she breaking my heart, she told me that she was keeping the appartment... So I had to pack all of my things, and move back in with my mom... I had nowhere else to go. I was heartbroken, and I was lost in what I should do with life, and on top of that, I have herpes now... And all I have wanted in life was a family, and to give love to another person, and experience life with someone I love. All of this seems almost out of grasp. BUT, I found the Herpes Opportunity podcasts, and they opened my eyes to a lot of things. That a person will accept me for who I am no matter what, if they TRULY love me. But it is just hard to find comfort in this, when I will have to lay the Herpes Talk on them, and more than likely either break their heart, or they will think I am disgusting. I am going to school, I am working out again, I try to hangout with my friends as much as possible right now, just to keep my mind off of things. But it is still really hard. I have looked for support groups around where I live, and I cant find any... So I now have turned here, and I hope that I can find support here. I have told all my closest friends, my mom and my sister, so I know I have support from the people who matter most to me in this world, but I just want to talk to people who have to go through this everyday. I basically just ignored that I had herpes until I got my heartbroken, and the reality set in. I am sorry for this long novel of a thread, but I just had a lot to get off my chest, I still do... haha, but I will save you the time. I guess, I just want to find some comfort, and some sort of light at the end of the tunnel that I will find someone to be with eventually, and will feel loved again. But at this moment, I am just trying to stay positive, and do things for me. But it doesnt make life easier. Thanks for this forum, the podcasts, and your ears. I truly do appreciate this.

 

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I just found out a few months ago, and ive found that this forum has been the only place I turn to when i feel like i need some words of encouragement, or truth, and its really helped me a lot. Its hard to find other people who will speak honestly about this, and without judgement. anyways if you ever need someone to talk to im in the same boat so i can lend an ear :)

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ArtIsTheSearch, thank you for sharing yourself here. I love your honesty and your vulnerability. Super strong of you to be open about all of this. And that's true strength in my book: To be strong enough to reach out for help. 


So yeah, love will have us do interesting things, huh? I know the feeling. I've been right there with you, bro. Remember how you felt about your ex (even though she had lied to you)? You still loved her; you saw past her herpes and saw your relationship. You saw deeper than a simple virus. Yes, unfortunately some people can't see past it. But it's all about you being okay with yourself. And maybe you don't want to be with those kind of judgmental people anyway. ;) It's important that you don't automatically assume rejection, though. That can start you down a negative path ... possibly even a path that creates a self-fulfilling prophecy where you believe it so much that you make it happen. Assuming rejection casts a negative shadow over the "herpes talk." Click that link to read the article and watch the video. Let me know what you get out of it!

Notes:

  • My mother is now in hospice with end-stage cancer, so I am at her house a lot these days helping where I can until she passes. Thank you in advance for understanding if I am not as quick to respond as I normally would be. This is a precious and bittersweet time …
  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

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Thanks the_H_Opp! Thank you for all of this information, it really has helped me to be strong in this hard time. I know dating can be a challenge, but I also know I have a lot to offer, too. Herpes does not have to be the end of my life. I really am doing a lot for myself to keep bettering myself as a person, and it was unfortunate for my ex breaking my heart. But I know I can still be a good person, and find someone to experience life with. Thank you again for this forum, podcasts, and information, you really have helped me personally with being ok with all of this, and realizing that this isn't necessarily a life ending issue. I love this community, and I am so grateful I found it. Thank you again for your encouraging words, and support.

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