Recently Diagnosed--Thoughts, Worries, Insecurities

[Lyss]

So, last week I started noticing red itching and my first assumption was yeast infection. I had been taking anti-biotics the week before so it seemed that everything added up. On Saturday I bought some Monistat (side note: this did not go well..hell-fire burning). Every bathroom trip was something that I dreaded. I couldn't run. I could barely move. I started noticing little bumps which terrified me, but I was assured by my mother, a yeast infection veteran, that she had bumps when she had yeast infections and even had been seen by her lady doctor to have them confirmed as just a really severe yeast infection. Feeling calmed down, I went to the urgent care with my boyfriend of two years. Last fall we had to make an emergency room visit because I had incredibly severe pelvic pain post-intercourse and the doctors sent me off with a pain killer and antibiotics for gonorrhea only to find out the next day from a gynecologist that I had a cyst rupture--no gonorrhea involved. However, this kind of gave me a skeptical perception of anyone who was not a gynecologist diagnosing what was going on down there. Even my boyfriend said to me before we went in, "You know they are going to try to tell you its an STD right?" I pretty much did not care as long as they handed me a prescription of Diflucan.

 

The nurse practitioner told me that although I had plenty of yeast going on, the sores looked a lot like herpes. "I knew you'd say that," thought I, but she was insistent and I walked out of there with prescriptions for acyclovir and diflucan. "They think its herpes" I cried to both my boyfriend and my mom. My mom assured me once again it most definitely was not and the boyfriend doing the sweet kissing forehead thing as I cried in a parking lot in a park while we waited for my prescriptions to be filled. I called my gynecologist immediately the next day and set up an appointment. The boyfriend left work, picked me up and drove me to the appointment where once again I was told, "This is herpes." I nodded to my boyfriend in confirmation as I paid my co-pay and went next door to take some blood work tests. I cried all the way home, I cried when I got home. I went to bed early--woke up in the middle of the night and cried, cried three times already today--one was when the dog--an adorable and well-meaning English Bull Terrier got excited and stepped RIGHT THERE!

 

I haven't been able to do anything today except sleep and look things up. I ate a bowl of girl scout chocolate chip mint ice cream. I've been sitting around in pjs--moping and keep sending my mom and boyfriend (both supportive) "I'm so sad" text messages. I tell you what--I'm not like this. I'm a PhD student so my understanding of success in the day has been "how productive have I been?" I'm an early-riser, a long-distance runner, over-achiever, and healthy eater (ok not so much this, but hey I try).

 

In high school I was the party animal girl and what some would probably call the "class slut". When I got into college I really tried to overcome who I once was and with a few mishaps I worked hard to overcome what I suspected I was when I was in high school--the slut, dirty, disgusting, trashy. I love learning--so I threw myself into it, I started running--all positive things for myself. But those things were still there. My five year class reunion was last year and I remember how hard I tried to portray myself as this healthy balanced academic-type person. Isn't that ridiculous? Especially how those things have stuck--now with this diagnosis it feels like a medical confirmation of everything I feared was actually true about myself and I'm twenty-four and all those things were years and years ago.

 

I promised myself that after I posted this I would get in the shower and I would do my hair and make up and just try. It is just hard to pick up the pieces when it hurts to walk, stand, pee, you all know. I'm worried about silly things--for ex.--can I run long distance? I keep reading about people who have OB when they do really strenuous exercises. Aside from the self-guilt/blow to the ego/etc I am experiencing, I think that would be really terrible. Also--do you guys have any other recommended books/websites other than this one?

 

I don't know anyone with herpes (well aside from whoever gave it to me...but I don't care to figure that out and if it is the current boyfriend, everything that I've read makes it hard to place all that blame and anger on him), but all of your posts have been really inspiring.

 

Thank you.

Lyss

[WCSDancer2010]

@Lyss

 

Hello and welcome!

 

First, it does sound like a Primary OB - so while I know you don't want to place blame on the BF, it would help to get him tested simply so you know if you need to take measures to protect him or not. Sounds like he *could* have been carrying it and not known. Do you know if you have HSV1 or 2? Because it's quite possible he has had cold sores (or at least carried the virus on his mouth, like 60% of all young people and 80% of the population up to age 49 .. more if you include the older generation) and he may have passed it to you with oral sex. Knowing who-has-what is important so you can protect each other and discuss what measures you want to use for that.

 

So - about your depression. First, it's VERY normal. You are buying into the stigma. You have the power to look in the mirror and realize that you are still the person you were 2 weeks ago before all this happened ... you are just now aware of the fact that you are carrying the virus....

 

Herpes has a habit of bringing up all our current AND past "shame" ... especially if we enjoyed an active sex life in the past. Suddenly, we are "the slut, dirty, disgusting, trashy.". Now, is it true? No. You are still the PhD student, early-riser, a long-distance runner, over-achiever, and "healthy eater" that you were pre-diagnosis. Concentrate on THAT person ... not the person who did what a pretty large percentage of our youth population does when they hit puberty .... sadly our country has not got a healthy relationship with sex and it's not YOUR fault - it's the result of a country founded on Puritanical values that has a long history of sweeping anything about sex under a rug that might be uncomfortable until it can't be avoided (ie, the HIV epidemic brought a lot of conversations into the public eye).

 

Distance running may be a challenge for awhile. Some people find that the heat/moisture/stress of high impact sports helps the virus to flare up at first but it should settle over the next few months. If you DO run, make sure to have loose clothing (no compression garments), and do the following:

 

4 quick suggestions:

 

Go Commando as much as possible - getting air to the area can help to dry it out more quickly

 

Reduce stress as much as possible - Herpes feeds off stress!!! It can become a good barometer for you that your body needs attention in some form or other

 

Look up Trigger Foods/triggers on here in the FAQ and search bar - lots of topics on them ... the main foods are chocolate and nuts but you want to learn about the Lysine/Argenine balance that can help keep Herpes under control

 

Epsom Salts baths can do wonders for some. Sit in the bath and dump a few handfuls of the salts right between your legs. Relax and let the salts do their thing then get out and dry off, finishing with a blow drier set on low heat to really get the area dry.

 

These 4 things seem to do the most help for the most people. Aloe Vera CREAM (make sure ALOE is one of the first ingredients and there isn't a bunch of other crap like petroleum and if it has glycerine, it's AFTER the Aloe in the ingredients .. go to a Health food store for your best chance of getting a good product) or Zinc cream may help during the day to keep it from sticking and help relieve the pain ..

 

Also: Gold Bond Spray powder - right after exercising/hot showers/etc. Supposedly really cools the area ;)

 

Finally, just give yourself time to adjust. I'm a 35 yr veteran and I have had a great life and H is barely a blip in my timeline now most of the time :)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Lyss]

Dancer,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I am definitely starting to feel better..of course it helps that those bumps are starting to disappear and I can pee and walk normal again. It really is the little things!

I will definitely take your advise about the aloe and gold bond. The stress part--well I'll have to figure something out. :)

Again--thank you so much. Your message was gave me a smile on a day that was not so bright.

Lyss

[whitedaisies]

Hi Lyss.

 

I was where you are. I moped in jammies, stayed in bed, lay with my doggie, was depressed....really depressed....had to go on antidepressants. But I am a lot better now and you will be too. It takes a while to get over having H, some do it quicker than others. Wonderful that you can turn to your mom....be thankful for that.

 

I would suggest for the next little while, you do something creative that you like to counterbalance all the thinking you are doing now. I chose to write, I am also journalling. You can do something too like photography, visual arts, painting etc. I foudn it really helped me.

 

And also, please don't call yourself a slut! You are putting yourself down there. I would say maybe you weren't "careful" with protection etc. but I hate hearing people calling themselves that. I had one partner my whole life up until recently and I wished I was a bit more promiscuous in my teenage years; you learn alot about sex and your sexuality and that is a good thing. I am starting a bit later in life here.

 

Anyway, take deep breaths, hug your doggie, eat your favourite food, take your meds, it will get better....I promise

[GoNeR33]

I'm 18 years old and just found today out about my...situation. I don't know what to do. I'm scared and feel very alone. I'm too young to have this, I feel like I've literally screwed my life away. And I'm even more scared to talk to the person I think gave it to me because even though he and I may not be close we still hang out the same people and I dont want to say something to him about it and it turn out that it wasn't him and have him tell everyone. I'm so scared. I can't stop crying...

 

And it doesn't help that my mom and oldest sister are looking at me like I'm a different person, like they don't know me and don't know what to say to me. But I'm just terrified I'll never be able to have a normal sex life with the man I marry. I don't wanna pass it on to anyone, ever. So I guess I just need real legit answers about how it can get passed from person to person and how I can have sex with someone I love and care about and not give it to them. So please anyone who can answer my questions please help. Like I've said...I'm scared...please help me

[whitedaisies]

Well first I am sending u a thousand virtual bear hugs right now. Take a moment to feel them!!!!

 

So u r young and u got herpes. A woman on this site got it at 17 and lots of young people on here have it at ur age and have had lots of relationships so no need to worry about that at all. It will come when everything is right.

 

You can cry and be sad, we have all done it, u can be angry and whatever else it is u r feeling. It's ok. Don't let it consume u too much. Life will get back to normal and once the outbreaks come and go ur body will get used to them and they will become much easier to handle over time.

 

As for passing it to someone the odds are really quite surprisingly low and depending on if u have 1 or 2, u can get te risk down to 1 percent with Meds and condoms. Not many thigs less than 1 percent in life.

 

So search this site, look at handouts, lots of great info!!!!!

 

Even though it doesn't feel like it now, it does really get better and u are young and u have more time to adjust. U will be a better u because of it. I know it bc I am!!!

[WCSDancer2010]

@GoNeR33

 

First, Hello, Welcome, and BREATHE!

 

This person is 53, and got H when I was about 17 .... so I am proof positive that you can and SHOULD have a normal life as long as you don't buy into the stigma ;)

 

And it doesn't help that my mom and oldest sister are looking at me like I'm a different person, like they don't know me and don't know what to say to me

 

Well, for your Mom, she just realized you are a sexual being and not her baby, and she can't "make you better" ... so I'm guessing she's dealing with what we parents go through as we transition from seeing our children being dependent on us and accepting you as young adults who have to live with the consequences of your actions.... so yes, she doesn't know what to say to you, and it's ok. It's where she's at right now. So don't take it personally. ;)

 

Right now, the best thing you can do is read as much as you can here (I'll post links to get you started but keep reading all you can) and realize you are FAR from alone. The handouts will give you some good, basic info about transmission and such.

 

Do know you can have a totally normal sex life and never pass it to your partner. Anti-virals and Condoms combined will take your risk of passing H to a man to less than your chance of getting pregnant on BC ;) .You CAN have babies normally and you CAN live a 100% normal life.

 

Do you know if you have H1 or H2? How were you diagnosed? FYI, 60% of your friends will have HSV1 in the form of Cold Sores by your age ... and 50% of all new Genital cases are H1 from cold sores .... so many of your friends will at least have HSV1 ;)

 

Start with these links, read your way around, and then come back with your questions, ok?

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

FAQs:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1758/frequently-asked-questions-on-herpes-and-popular-conversations/p1

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

My Blog:

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/diagnosis_it-isnt-the-end/

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/driving-yourself-crazy/

 

Herpes facts video