My short term wingman called Herp

[myfiercecalm]

Ok, so I have read a number of threads about women (and some men too) using herpes to filter out people who are only interested in short term relations. Let me just start by saying, that is wonderful, and I am very happy for all of you who are looking for long term relationships who this strategy has helped.

 

Having said that, what if you aren't looking for a long term relationship? What if your preferred MO is short term dating? I am in a point in my life where I honestly dont want a family or a long term commitment to anyone. I dont mean to sound bitter, but at least for now, that ship has sailed and you know what? Im totally cool with that. In fact I was having the time of my life when I got diagnosed with HSV2. Hilarious right? I thought so too. I want to get back to the fun I was having before, but I'm not sure I can. And lest you compare me to some of the lying assholes I've read about on here, I've never lied to a woman about my intentions. I am always up front about my level of commitment and let them decide if they still want to be with me. Some do and some dont. No hard feelings either way and no guilt. I have every intention of doing that and now that herp is with me, disclosing in advance too. So it looks like I am that guy. Im the manchild who is wondering how can I keep my peter pan lifestyle with my new wingman called herp? I am looking forward to meeting someone who makes me want to give it all up (not holding my breath), but I'm not ashamed to say, I want to have fun in the meantime.

[WCSDancer2010]

You can ... I maintain that we with H are possibly *safer* than most people you will hook up with because we know our status and we can take measures to protect our partners. so that is a "positive" in your favor. You just have to be honest with whoever you talk to about the risks and I'd strongly suggest you get on anti-virals because you can't rely on condoms to be 100%. If anything, YOU need to be careful to make sure your partner has been tested for EVERYTHING and SEE their results because most don't know what they really were tested for.

 

Here are 3 success stories of women who had a 1 nighter post disclosure. If/when you have a success story I'd love to hear your story so we have one from the guys ;)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2056/semi-success-i-dont-know-just-read-it thiisgoingtobeok

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3271/first-disclosure-was-a-success-i-can-breathe-now- Rogue1313

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3368/my-one-night-wonder Willow

 

(((HUGS)))

[myfiercecalm]

Thanks for that @WCSDancer2010. Yeah, trusting people is part of my issue right now. Even if I see STD results, it doesn't mean they haven't picked up something in the meantime (I'll still want to see the tests of course). But that is very negative, worst-case thinking. We all take a risk when we are involved with anyone sexually. The trick is being with people who are worth it whether it is short or long term.

 

These are good stories you posted. Also I thought this was really funny "If/when you have a success story I'd love to hear your story so we have one from the guys". In my head, I added "because the guys have obviously NEVER had one" ;) I have a herp buddy from a local support group, and she is terrified of disclosing. I keep telling her she is in the best position, guys are going to want to be with her anyway (hey, we want what we want, what can I say?). Not so sure it goes the other way yet.

 

I go back and forth on the anit-viral thing. I'm not a big fan of conventional medicine; I've seen its dark side too much. I also don't like the idea of funding big pharma. What is their motivation to find a cure if we all buy their treatment indefinitely? At the same time, I want to protect my partners. Regardless of what I decide, I'll be honest with my partners about it.

[WCSDancer2010]

It's not that the guys never had one - we just have a LOT more women on here than guys!

 

This isn't casual sex story but it's from a guy ... really warms my heart when I read this one :)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3439/tonight-is-my-night NSgreenville (male) (READ TO THE END!!)

 

Regarding the anti-virals - you are talking to a Massage Therapist who probably takes no more than 10 Advil a year (well, maybe 20 ... I'm also a dancer and some nights when I'm at a Swing Dance convention the only way the legs will stop throbbing is with an Advil PM and I REALLY need the sleep at those things to make it through the 4 days of workshops and all night dancing!) and not much else. Maybe the occasional Tums if I'm a little refluxy at the end of the night before bed. But I'm generally a believer in creating a life that works for me and my body with a job that I love and a diet that is mostly healthy and I rarely get sick. So I'm with you about Big Pharma. But if you want to have casual sex, and given that the risks for females getting it is 2x (10%) what it is for guys (and a condom won't protect her if your OB's/place where you shed is outside the covered area) well, I think it's the responsible thing to do. I always take it now when I'm starting a relationship - once we are established and if the guy totally understands his risks, I will come off them. But until that time I feel that it's my responsibility to do what I can to keep any partners from getting it ... but that's *my* take.

 

As for why would they come up with a cure? Well, in the UK it's almost impossible to get the meds (you have to have at least 6 OB's a year ... by which time you have likely passed it to your partner anyway :p ) and many Dr's won't give them out right away here either, so I'm not sure that the makers wouldn't want to find some other way to make $$. The problem is that HIV took all the resources and attention for the last 25 yrs and now a lot of the research for HSV is piggy-backed on a few of the HIV studies because both viruses are able to "hide" from the meds that are available now.

 

(((HUGS)))