I messed up so bad...now I will probably lose him..

[jlovesjlo]

I did not disclose before sex. I was on acyclovir but no condom use was enforced. He has told me he has always been careful not to catch diseases or have kids. So I assume he is clean before I met him. I like him. I don't want to lose him but I have to tell him and let him be mad. Hopefully when he calms down he will still want to see me. We have had a rocky start to begin with because I came in with many insecurities that I was ignoring including herpes but he knows I'm working through them all except for herpes. I let him know about many impacting events in my life. He suggested counseling and a break from dating. I'm going to counseling for my rough past and rape in my 20s.I'm 31. He wants to start dating again. After 3 months of not dating. But this time I will disclose before getting into bed with him again. We dated for 6 months and although he liked me I was very nervous and jumpy and couldn't open up and be myself cause of my insecurities. In Jan 2012 is when I met him and there was an instant connection. He asked me to be his girl and I said yes but changed my mind 2 months after because I felt undeserving..That broke his heart. I contacted him in october 2013 and have been talking to him since. I slept with him from march till june 2014. Before him I haven't been with anyone since I got herpes so it was my first time and I ruined it but we like each other alot and he wants to try again for some reason. This would be the third time we try to establish something together and i want to do things right.I definetly would want to try again but I'm afraid of him rejecting me and worst him getting mad at me and things getting ugly because I have put him at risk. I am so sorry.

[WCSDancer2010]

@jlovesjlo

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

He has told me he has always been careful not to catch diseases or have kids.

 

Ah.... hmmm .. if he doesn't wear a condom he's not being careful to not have kids. Even if you are on BC, guys need to stop putting the whole responsibility of avoiding pregnancy on the woman :(

 

So - tough love time friend. You just plain have to suck it up and tell him the truth and accept whatever his reaction is. Your fear of losing him has made that possibility far more likely than if you had told him from the beginning. The longer you wait the more complicated you make it.

 

If he understand all the issues you have been dealing with, hopefully he will understand why you were afraid to tell him.... but he also will have every right to be upset and if he is, well, you have to allow him to choose how he wants to deal with it.

 

We're here to help you through it all.

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

[jlovesjlo]

Thank you. I saw him last night but no sex. I didn't bring anything up. I feel like at this point he is goingt to leave me when I tell him. I know he would want kids from me and I would want kids from him. We have liked each othee for years but I make things complicated cause of my guilt of non disclosure and all that comes with being herpes positive. I won't have sex with him till I figure it out but still talk to him. Thanks though.

[WCSDancer2010]

Well there is no reason to not have kids when you get get ready to ... with or without H.

 

In the end, you may just have to take the leap of faith that it will all work out as it should ;)

[jlovesjlo]

:)