Permanent Carrier Maybe... Dating Advice?

[ambitious85]

Hi folks!

 

So, I was diagnosed in February of this year and I haven't had any outbreaks. I've been under some pretty extreme stress this year and my diet isn't exactly the best, and still no outbreaks. I visited my gyno and she said I may be one of the lucky ones to never have to really deal with it. If that's the case, (well, either way) I still feel very blessed that this was what I caught (in comparison to a lot of other STDS who aren't as..manageable, or have more extreme consequences.)

 

I just ended a 3 1/2 year relationship in May and I'm only 19, so if that is the case...could anyone lend a hand on disclosure? I don't plan on dating necessarily anytime soon, but when the time comes...any ways to "destigmatize" H?

 

Thanks for your help!

[WCSDancer2010]

@ambitious85

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

Your best bet is to read as many of the Success stories on here (under Categories on the right) because there is no one "right" way to do it except to be well informed of the risks to your partner, what you can to do protect them, and to be confident in yourself as a beautiful person who isn't a leper or "diseased".

 

Which strain do you have? H1 or H2? Because I have some "scripts" I wrote up depending on which one you have ...

 

And BTW, I'm 53 and have had this since I was 17.... so don't worry about your age either .... H has just given me a few speed bumps along the way...and saved me from a few guys who would have been a really bad match for me :p

 

(((HUGS)))

[ambitious85]

Hi @WCSDancer2010,

 

I noticed you are really active on here, and I'm sure we all appreciate your wisdom! I know I do. I have H2. Yes, I grew apart from my ex but we were close for awhile, I disclosed to him and he was really supportive, but a couple months later he decided to officially move on. I don't know if my diagnosis had anything to do with it...I don't think so though. If it did, we had become a pretty bad match over the years.

 

I've been checking them out. It's nice to know that you can still have it all after being diagnosed. I'm not necessarily afraid of being rejected either, I just think it's kind of awkward.. lol

 

I'd love to read a script if I could!

 

*hugs* back to ya! <3

[WCSDancer2010]

I tell people here that Herpes can be your Wingman if you let it - check these links out to see what I mean :)

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

 

And here is the disclosure script I came up with based on our success stories:

 

"I want to start this relationship with honesty and openness…. so I have something to tell you. You know the cold sores people get on their lips? I get a similar thing down there. Both are the Herpes virus. If I take suppressive meds and/or we can use condoms, and we don't touch me when I have any signs, we can reduce the risk of you getting it down to less than 2% ... If we use both it would be less than 1%. Given that 80% of people have herpes, you may have it and not know unless you specifically asked for the test anyway. I really like you and if we get physical I will do everything in my power to keep you from getting it. And in a way, I am safer than most because I KNOW I have it and how to manage it. Most people like me got it from someone that didn't know they have it or we were lied to.

 

After that you can ask if he has any questions .....

 

You sound like you have a good general attitude about it. Don't ever let anyone make you feel "lesser" because of your H status ... their attitude and reaction to your disclosure tells you more about THEM than pretty much any other conversation you may have. ;)

 

[ambitious85]

@WCSDancer2010

Thanks for all the great advice. I've accepted H as my wingman because it has really taught me to stop giving myself who don't deserve me, which might just be one of the most valuable ones! You know, if it's not one thing, it's another. No one is perfect. It humbles you.