Am I Doomed?

[Frightened]

So, first off I feel like a complete scumbag, and maybe I am.

 

 

She started giving me oral for about 10-20 seconds, and I made her stop and put a condom on. She continued with the oral and I was rubbing her butt. She rolled over and I noticed what looked like lots of scars around her anus. I freaked out an asked her to leave.

 

I masturbated to avoid blue balls, not thinking that I may have touched a sore. I was worried about cops, but never thought about an STD for some reason. I'm an idiot.

 

I'm at day 14 and haven't had any visual symptoms, but got vertigo real bad at day ten. I got tested on day 10 as well, and am awaiting the results.

 

 

 

I'm dying inside, and know that even if my test is negative, it could be because it was too soon after contracting. I'm hoping I'm just suffering from guilt.

 

Help.

[whitedaisies]

You are likely suffering from guilt, but you are doing the right thing by getting tested. If you saw scars, then there was no sore present and likely no virus present. I would say your risk is low as I am sure you washed yourself after you finished. Soap and water kills the virus.

 

It is wonderful that you realized that you love your wife and son, but I would make sure you are negative before you have unprotected sex with her.....

 

So, swabs if you have a sore are the best way to know and blood takes longer, test at 6 weeks and if negative at 4 months and then 6....by 4 months almost everyone has antibodies.

 

Don't die inside...it is not worth all that. But, I would say if your sex life isn't where you want it to be try to talk to your wife about it. Sometimes men don't realize that all the pressures that women have with children and household and working and sex etc really weigh on them and it makes it difficult sometimes to feel sexy. So open up to her when you are ready and tell her what can you do to help her feel more in the mood....I will bet she will have an answer for ya!

 

I would say, don't beat yourself up about it...it isn't helping you and you are human, you made a mistake and in the grand scheme of things this was a small one....I don't want to make light of it, but really, there are worse things. You did put your sexual health in danger and hence your wife's but in the grand scheme of things your risk was relatively low, but only you know how much skin to skin contact you had and that's the easiest way to transmit genital herpes.

 

Take a deep breath, seek councilling if you need and feel free to vent on here.

 

Good luck

[Frightened]

Thank you so much. I'll update as things unfold.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Frightened

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

First off, you are not doomed ... whatever happens, life will go on and you will make adjustments for it, but Herpes is not the end of the world. There are far bigger issues for you to worry about, namely putting things to rights in your marriage. Sometimes we need something like this to make us realize how freaking lucky we are. It's easy to think there is something "better" out there .... especially when things get rough. But any couple who has been together for any length of time will tell you that they have been through at least a few "rough patches".

 

Regarding the scars, it's unlikely they were Herpes - Herpes doesn't tend to leave scars like that. I would guess she may have either periodic Fistulas or perhaps Acne or Acne Vulgaris all of which can leave scars ....

 

The vertigo was likely caused by the stress you are putting yourself under ...

 

You won't know for sure what your status is for 4-6 months, but given you are not having any of the classic symptoms by now, that's as good a sign as you can hope for at this moment.

 

If you have an IGG test, and it's positive right now, then you ALREADY HAD Herpes and didn't know it. 80% of the population that has H doesn't know they have it because they are asymptomatic. Odds are high that you may come up positive for HSV1 ... if you do, don't panic ... odds are you had cold sores as a kid and so you already have it orally. If the IGG is negative, that's to be expected at this point if you are not already a carrier.

 

Right now you have to ride out the 4-6 month period. Somehow I don't think you will manage to avoid sex that long...so you may need to get straight with her and get into counseling. It won't be easy, but anything worth having is worth fighting for... and now you know how much you stand to lose.... so fight for it ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Frightened]

I went to bed feeling great last night. I had a lovely evening with my wife and step-son. I have a close friend to confide in, and that helped also. This morning is a different story. I feel like I have jock itch on my inner thighs, which I do get from time to time at this time of year. I'm so scared-Can't eat. . I'm so stupid and ashamed.

[whitedaisies]

Go to the doctor so u don't have to wonder if its jock itch.

[WCSDancer2010]

Yes - go to your Dr - Get it swabbed. That way you won't keep over-thinking it and you will have an answer... BUT... I'll bet that you know that this feels exactly like the jock itch you always get ....

 

Your guilt will eat you alive. Please - go get counseling ... go yourself first, then find some way to include your wife. Your mental health right now is in more jeopardy than your physical health ... and you can get a session or two in before she comes back and that may help you to get some clarity on all this.

 

I'm not a betting person, but I'm willing to bet you didn't get H from your short-lived tryst. What you DID get was a whopping dose of guilt and shame and a huge reality check. Guilt will EAT YOU ALIVE. The good thing is that your guilt is showing how much you love your wife. If you didn't, you'd just be scared of getting Herpes. But you are just as fearful - probably more, of having "waved her off for the last time". So perhaps while what you did was not the best way to deal with whatever unhappiness led you there, it was a huge wake-up call to you that you need to get help in your marriage. So get on the phone and get yourself to someone who can help you through this .... if you handle it correctly, you may well come out with a marriage that is 10x stronger than it ever was.... ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Frightened]

Thank you so much for your kind words. Seriously. I have an appt with my GP around noon, and just did another 8-panel test. I should get both blood tests back around mid week. Thanks again.

[whitedaisies]

I agree I doubt u got herpes from this but getting tested is necessary.

 

It's wonderful that u are able to see how much ur wife means to u. Start working on ur marriage so u can get the life including sexuality, connection and intimacy u want.

[Frightened]

Will my GP be able to test the swab there, or have to send it off?

[whitedaisies]

He will swab and send it out to lab for analysis. Make sure he swabs it even though he says visually it doesn't look like herpes just so u know.

 

The only way to know for sure is swabbing. Good luck

[WCSDancer2010]

Yup - ask him to do it for YOUR peace of mind..... so you can focus on getting the real help that you need right now... ;)

[Frightened]

Thanks, guys. Have a call in to a therapist as well. I'm off to see the doc now.

[whitedaisies]

Great! Good luck!

[Frightened]

So, my doc basically looked me I'm suffering from guilt and shame. He told me I'm fine, and that I have a little jock itch. He said he wouldn't bother swabbing it. I felt so relieved for about 24 hours, but now the thought that a lot of ppl are a symptomatic is dogging me. I'm super anxious to get my blood tests back, which will hopefully come in tomorrow. My vertigo seems to be back a little as well, which scares me, as I know there's a connection between herpes and vertigo. We will see.

[H_is_for_Hope]

It is not likely that you have this. You are doing the right thing getting it checked with the proper tests and will be able to put this behind you someday. I have never heard of a connection to vertigo. However, anxiety can definitely cause vertigo. Hugs!

[Frightened]

Thanks for the help, guys. The rest of my life will be determined by that piece of paper that I may or may not get tomorrow. Here is a link to the vertigo/herpes connection.

 

 

http://www.dizziness-and-balance.com/disorders/unilat/vneurit.html

[whitedaisies]

It's no use getting all freaked out; the doctors will sense it and then not take you seriously and then be easily able to explain it all away from stress. Trust me.

 

Your best bet when you ask someone to swab is to not mention the affaire or that you are married or anything. Just say, you have a new partner, you have been experiencing symptoms that you think are related to herpes and you would like to get swabbed and tested.

 

So often, doctors write off conditions to stress.....I am not sayiing it's not stress and guilt you are feeling but you have to try to control it. OK?

 

Good luck. Many people have done stupid things including what you did and worse. Learn from it; have the experience change your life and use it to help you get what you want. If it's your family you want, then stop freaking out; you need to be level headed to figure out what you are going to do.

 

As for vertigo, my sister has it...it comes and goes and is likely not related to herpes at all; it's likely your stress!

 

Deep breath and hugs.

[WCSDancer2010]

In vestibular neuritis, the virus that causes the infection is thought to be usually a member of the herpesfamily, the same group that causes cold sores in the mouth as well as a variety of other disorders (Arbusow et al, 2000).

 

This is not the same Herpes virus that causes Genital or oral herpes... there are a number of Herpes viruses out there ... Mono and shingles are caused by other Herpes viruses .... Genital and Oral Herpes don't cause Vertigo - so you can let that one go... it is likely caused by your stress (speaking as a Massage Therapist, I see it from time to time from tense muscles from stress)

 

You are Waaaaay over thinking this..... honest. The odds of you having H from your very limited exchange are very small. Get into that therapist..... for YOUR sake and for the sake of your marriage

 

(((HUGS)))

[Frightened]

First test just came back negative! Woohoo!

[WCSDancer2010]

I don't think anyone here will be surprised .... but glad that you have the results so you can focus on the things you need to ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[Frightened]

Just got my 3rd test back negative. I took it at day 25. Now, all of the sudden, I have 3 or 4 itchy bumps in my pubic area, and I'm freaking out again. Every time I get some relief, something new pops up and freaks me out. Going to get it checked by the doc in the am.

[whitedaisies]

Pubic area is not a common place for herpes. Usually it's on the crush genitals for men but anything is possible.

 

Stop doing blood tests til the 12 week mark bc u likely will be negative before then and it's a waste of money if u dot have national health care.

 

Usually u will have a prodome with the bumps like a tingle or severe itch or something. If u don't have that it's likely foliculotis.

 

Good luck

 

Keep us posted.

 

Xo

[WCSDancer2010]

@whitedaisies is right - stop testing until 4 months friend. I know it's making you feel better but you can't rely on the results till at LEAST 4 months. And stop freaking out about every bump you get. I bet you got them in the past and hardly paid attention to them. Could be heat rash/bug bites/ingrown hairs/folliculitis whatever.

 

AGAIN.... the odds are sooooo much against you having H ... spend the money you are paying on co-pays or Dr appts/testing to work on your marriage friend... it will be better spent that way ;)

 

(((HUGS)))) friend

[whitedaisies]

I just reread my post. Crush genitals. Lol. What the heck is that? Super iPhone autocorrect. I think I meant just. Lol

 

I highly doubt u have herpes and trust me I am a bit of a hypochondriac and super conservative by profession so breathe deeply. Keep us posted.