Have I done my due diligence?

[MissModular]

I've been dating someone since July and waited just over a month before penetrative sex as it was fully disclosed within the first week of meeting (we met, I was diagnosed within days, yay!). We used condoms and he was tested (and cleared) for other STDs since I had a negative on all of my other tests. He hasn't been scared of my HSV-2 mainly because his brother and his wife have it, he says, and they have a "regular" sex life. He barely seems to think of it as even anything though I told him about the pain of my first outbreak and I had awful flu-like symptoms and side-effects from the suppressive therapy. He saw how it physically and mentally affected me and he was always sweet and reassuring through it all.

 

Recently, things got hot and heavy and he started to push his erection near my genital area when I said, "oh condom!" and he said, "that is always up to you." I said, I guess in a breathy positive sounding affirmation, "Well you know the risks..." and before anything else was said he pushed on and, well, you know how that works.

 

So, I feel guilty even though I've been nothing but up front with him. He is informed but made the decision not to use a condom. We haven't had sex in a few days and I'm going to see him soon and we are likely to become intimate once again. I don't want him to be exposed though I should say that he has never been tested for it (it wasn't part of his testing). I like him a lot lot, like perhaps-a-future-with-him "lot". We are "exclusive".

 

Do + / - couples just roll with it this way? Have I done my due diligence? I mean, I know I am a great catch (even with Her Majesty's Peas), so maybe he just thinks this level of intimacy with risk is just worth it...with me?!

[whymegirl]

Youve done your part. If he chooses not to use a condom than he is accepting the risks. My bf and I didnt use them in the beginning because I am on birth control. And I just dont really like them to be honest.. choice we both made knowing the risks. He works away and last week he mentioned that he would like to start using them.. and me feeling kinda hurt was pressing him for a reason and he wasnt really giving me one so I said "if its because I have herpes and you just dont want to say it its ok" but it turns out hes just paranoid about pregnancy. Ha. My bad...

[WCSDancer2010]

If he knows the risks, then you need to tell him it's HIS choice, but that you will do your best to be aware of when you *may* be shedding, however, you will never know if you are shedding asymptomatically.

 

Personally I'd ask him to get tested NOW for HSV so you know his status because if he already has it then he can't come back and say you gave it to him AND you would know you don't actually have to worry about giving it to him (ie, it would take a lot of weight off your shoulders to be responsible and extra vigilant ;) )

 

(((HUGS)))