MissModular

Don't beat yourself up about something you cannot control. The same week (this past July) I was diagnosed with HSV-2, I met someone I thought was special. After several weeks of dating and no sex, I told him that I had HSV-2 and he said that his male best friend had caught it and he really liked me so he didn't see that as "a big deal" and that he would move at the pace that I was comfortable with. I gave him links to all the wonderful resources on this site. He said he we would "get through everything together" and he was so sweet and caring. We dated from July until right before Christmas 2014, regularly having vaginal and oral sex (unprotected his choice). I was over the moon. A man I really connected with and had strong feelings for was in my life after a year of difficult dating. And then, out of nowhere for no reason at all, he dumped me (I had met his mother and spent time with his kids even). I was (am) broken hearted and now I'm back to worrying about having to have the discussion once again when I'm dating someone seriously in the future. But as others said, he wasn't ready for commitment and doesn't sound like your guy was either. Don't blame it on your disclosure. There are all kinds of reasons why men or women pull away. I think mainly it is a fear of intimacy (emotional not sex). Some people cannot take emotional intimacy and therefore opt for a series of superficial relationships. Stay strong and continue to love yourself -- it so important! I am optimistic that I will find the person that will "stick". I recognize that I must tell future partners.

Thanks. I think it is entirely possible that I did auto-inoculate during the initial outbreak as I sat in a hotel room in a foreign country with a tiny hand mirror trying to figure out what was going on down there. At the time I thought it was "friction burn" so I was not using gloves and not being precious about handling at all. I guess I was just wondering if it will go back and forth from the left and right sites. The first two occurrences were left then right but not concurrent.

I can't seem to find the answer to this so I'm starting a new post on location of outbreaks. I believe I had my first outbreak in June when I was abroad as I had swelling, blisters and pain on my left labia majora. I assumed it was from the 5 miles of walking a day and wearing synthetic undergarments when it was warm out (i.e. friction burn). This was very early June and it seemed to clear up within a week or so without me doing anything for it (had no concept it could be herpes then). In July, I had an outbreak on my right labia. This lasted longer and it was much more painful as it seemed to be the papercut type. It was in July when I was diagnosed. And I haven't had a recurrence until now and it is on the left again with the blisters, pain and swelling with right side looking just fine. My understanding is that the recurring outbreaks will happen at the same places each time -- is that correct thinking? But my question is, could you have alternating break-outs? Like mine appeared to be. Do other people's outbreaks seem to mimic previous? (i.e. is this a pattern thing)

I thought my initial outbreak was much longer than it was as I was looking at every texture and bump assuming they were part of it. I was diagnosed at a "doc-in-the-box" and then about two weeks later when I saw my OB-GYN (couldn't get in sooner) she said it looked all cleared up and I then pointed out things to her. As she was much more "up close and personal" than I can get ever with a hand mirror and flashlight, I had to believe her when she said "nope, that's just you."

I have had thyroid issues since 2000 but was only diagnosed with HSV2 this past summer. Mine is autoimmune thyroiditis (aka Hashimoto's) which means I have compromised immunities. I looked for some kind of connection in regards to outbreaks and thyroid and didn't come up with much either. I can say that after my initial outbreak, I didn't have anything until currently and it happened around my period. In December I found out that my thyroid levels were really out of whack and I wondered if that was part of the reason I'm experiencing another outbreak. Having said that, I am going through a break-up and am having severe stress at work, so I'm thinking the combination has re-ignited the HSV2. I believe I am also Peri-menopausal, and after re-reading over this site, I see from @WCSDancer2010 that could be a trigger. Everything hits at once!

This is great. Thanks for sharing!

I've been dating someone since July and waited just over a month before penetrative sex as it was fully disclosed within the first week of meeting (we met, I was diagnosed within days, yay!). We used condoms and he was tested (and cleared) for other STDs since I had a negative on all of my other tests. He hasn't been scared of my HSV-2 mainly because his brother and his wife have it, he says, and they have a "regular" sex life. He barely seems to think of it as even anything though I told him about the pain of my first outbreak and I had awful flu-like symptoms and side-effects from the suppressive therapy. He saw how it physically and mentally affected me and he was always sweet and reassuring through it all. Recently, things got hot and heavy and he started to push his erection near my genital area when I said, "oh condom!" and he said, "that is always up to you." I said, I guess in a breathy positive sounding affirmation, "Well you know the risks..." and before anything else was said he pushed on and, well, you know how that works. So, I feel guilty even though I've been nothing but up front with him. He is informed but made the decision not to use a condom. We haven't had sex in a few days and I'm going to see him soon and we are likely to become intimate once again. I don't want him to be exposed though I should say that he has never been tested for it (it wasn't part of his testing). I like him a lot lot, like perhaps-a-future-with-him "lot". We are "exclusive". Do + / - couples just roll with it this way? Have I done my due diligence? I mean, I know I am a great catch (even with Her Majesty's Peas), so maybe he just thinks this level of intimacy with risk is just worth it...with me?!

Sorry, apparently, I don't know how to use the "cue" feature. I would recommend watching the entire video but the section on oral sex begins at around 19:50.

Sorry, apparently, I don't know how to use the "cue" feature. I would recommend watching the entire video but the section on oral sex begins at around 19:50.

I started dating someone new on the same week that I was diagnosed. A month and a half later, we are now engaging in sex including oral. I have genital HSV-2 and I'm taking suppressive therapy, L-Lysine and trying to take care of myself. I've given my new partner as much information as I could about preventing or reducing the risk of transmission and he decided that he still wanted to engage in sex including oral sex. We actually didn't use any barrier protection. At the time, I had no signs or lesions of an outbreak though we both understand that there are still risks. This video was helpful in our decision to engage in oral sex (Adrial has it cued up to the section on oral sex in Dr. Leone's talk):

I love that analogy, whitedaisies!

Apparently, each of the simplexes prefer their "own environment" (1=mouth; and 2=genitals). Having said that, there are cases where they do cross over so you have to understand that there is always a risk of transmission. From what I understand, there is a chance to transmit HSV-2 to mouth though a very small percentage and that we shouldn't engage in oral sex if there are lesions. This is a very good video to watch and, in this link, Adrial has it cued up to the section where Dr. Leone discusses oral sex:

Thanks so much, Adrial! I just watched your creek-side talk and really enjoyed the wisdom. I had seen the Dr. Leone video in its entirety, so it was good that you had it cued up to the section in regards to oral sex which I just re-watched. So, from what I understand, there is a chance to transmit HSV-2 to mouth though a very small percentage and that we shouldn't engage in oral sex if there are lesions. This may sound like a strange question, but if I have HSV-2 and my new partner has HSV-1 (orally) and doesn't know that he has it, can he give me HSV-1 down there as well? And for patience, eeeeep! It is wearing thin! Also, feeling like I have the flu all the time is getting old -- I am trying to take care of myself and keeping mentally positive!

@Pollyanna1 May I ask, what is the name of the shampoo you were prescribed?

After having a very painful break-up with someone I was engaged to for several years, six months later I started to date around (unsuccessfully) and had casual sex with two different partners -- one I had protected sex with and the other I did not. After several disappointments in dating (with those two men), I decided I was not likely going to find anyone that "got me" in the way my ex did and sort of gave up. Unexpectedly, in early July, I met someone with whom I had an actual mental and emotional connection -- someone who seemed like a really genuine person. After a couple of dates and feeling a stronger connection to him (remarkably, for me, without sex), I discovered a lesion on my labia and was diagnosed (after positive swab) for HSV-2 in the same week that I met this new man! So still no sex to date. I had a really horrible first outbreak with a subsequent fungal infection. It has been over a month and I'm still feeling very flu-like. Aches, pains, swollen lymph nodes and *extreme* fatigue. The outbreak seems to have subsided, I cannot feel the bumps anymore but I could never see anything prior (it seems to be the "paper cut" type). I was put on Valtrex, 2 x a day for 10 days and then as soon as I stopped taking it, I felt like I had another outbreak so started again on the 2 x a day Valtrex prescription. Two weeks ago, I had a GYN appointment and doctor said she cannot see any outbreak but still the fungal infection was persisting so she gave me some Difulcan and asked me to come back to see her a month later. GYN doc suggested I take 1 x Valtrex a day for the next year as a suppressive as I had told her that I met someone with whom I think a relationship was developing. So, here I am, a little over a month into all of this and I'm feeling a lot better mentally thanks to (h)opportunity forums! My relationship is developing and I disclosed about the HSV-2 and he didn't seem phased. He told me his best male friend and his wife have a relationship with it and several other people he knew had it. He thinks of it as more of a skin condition than something "nasty". I feel very lucky and he has continued to pursue me since I disclosed. We've had a lot of intimate moments in the last few weeks -- just heavy petting and exploring bodies, no penetration or rubbing of genitals. He has made an appointment to get a full STD panel done (I told him to make sure it included HSV). So here is my question. When am I "clear" to have sex? I understand that a condom does not prevent H and so does he and he said he will wait until I am ready to have sex. He has mentioned several times in the heat of the moment about how he cannot wait until I am feeling better so that he can feel and taste me and I am wondering how long do we use barrier methods? Like, when we start having full-on sex, should I always use condoms? I'm just so new to this, I don't even know when I'm shedding or about to have an outbreak or... Should I wait a year? Should I invest in dental dams and tell him to bring the condoms? I really would like to be fully intimate with him but I am still feeling flu-like which makes me think I'm still going through it (the fungal infection has seemed to have cleared). I do feel weird pin-point itches but all over -- not just in my genital region. Any thoughts, suggestions, would be greatly appreciated.

I am currently still sick since original outbreak (and wow, new this week, multiple mouth sores), and had the talk with my ex last week. I also saw him this week. He's actually not giving me any grief about H or the idea of him giving it to me (he has never been diagnosed and asymptomatic); however, he decided it was a good time for us to review all the myriad reasons our five-year relationship didn't work. He started to catalog all the things that hurt him and told me that I was not my authentic self because I was never vulnerable enough with him which meant he couldn't have as an intense love for me as I had for him. SOOOO...OUCH...it was kind of bad. I'm really hurt and I'm not sure why he thought now, while I am sick, was a good time to dredge all this up. I would say, if you can avoid the talk until you are feeling better in body and mind, it would be better for you. I've been stressed and crying and feeling worse than I have through this whole ordeal. Funnily, he came over to help me with some things around the house because I've been feeling so unwell, but he actually ended up turning my world upside down with his need to talk about the past.

@WCSDancer2010 Thanks for your feedback. In all fairness, I *may* have misunderstood her. She had "facts" coming at me fast and furious while I was sitting on the exam table in a paper smock nervous and sweating and embarrassed that I had contracted it genitally. She couldn't have been nicer and more understanding and listened to me ramble on about my ex and possible other ways I may have contracted it in my 20+ year sexual history. Apologies for possibly misleading or misquoting. I definitely have learned more from this site! In regards to the sores in my mouth, I've suffered from canker sores as long as I can remember. When I have those, I only get one sore at a time and I can swish hydrogen peroxide in my mouth and it goes away in a few days. Presently, I have numerous sores -- at least 5 canker sore look-alikes and on my bottom gum line there are clusters of small white bumps (those I've never had before). A few questions: - Is it possible that the Valtrex has a side effect of sores in the mouth? - Does it sound like HSV-1? - Should I go to my dentist or my primary care doctor to have it swabbed? Thanks so much!

I am experiencing the same thing myself. I was first diagnosed with HSV-2 genitally in mid-July but all of a sudden I've found that I've got internal mouth sores. I understand that HSV-2 is rare orally but not impossible. Today my doctor told me basically what WCSDancer2010 said above. That I may have gotten it at the same time. My doctor also said (and I haven't had time to research this since I've been home) that the virus can travel up your spine via your central nervous system and that I may have developed the mouth sores simply because the virus is still new in my system and my immune-system is exhausted -- she made it sound like they erupted from the stress on my body and not necessarily from auto-innoculation. Does that sound plausible?

I think you tell her everything you said here. You aren't judging her but you feel like you want to maintain your sexual health. You don't know where the relationship is going and you feel like this knowledge has accelerated your mindset -- so, do you take it slowly the way things have been progressing or do you make a decision based on the great unknown? (i.e. whether or not she is long-term relationship material) Being totally honest and upfront is really your best option. Don't force a quick decision. If it were me, since things were going so well, I would let things happen organically. Others have posted here, and I'm finding this is happening in my own relationship (I was diagnosed the same week I met the man I'm now dating), that H can create greater intimacy with a partner.

Thanks for sharing!

After cleaning, right before I get out of the shower, I started using 1-2 cap-fuls of the old-fashioned Listerine (original "yellow", not the blue or green ones) in the shower. It is cooling and soothing and I just pour it on the affected area while the water is running (and do not actively rinse there after). After the shower, I blow dry with a low, cool setting and that re-activates the cooling of the Listerine. I have read that Listerine can be used as an anti-fungal but I don't know that it has any anti-viral properties -- I'm just using it for the cooling. Also, outside of the shower, sometimes I dab tea tree oil on toilet paper and pat lightly.

I am experiencing the same. This is my first outbreak or at least that is what I believe. Last time I was at the urgent care (when I was diagnosed) was mid-July. They put me on Valtrex for 10 days (twice a day) and I called last week and told them that I'm still experiencing the outbreak with possible new areas (don't know, can't see well enough). I've got an appointment with a GYN in a few days, so hopefully I can get a handle on what ix exactly happening. I think "normal" is relative to each individual and even then, from what I understand reading here, H doesn't have any set way of reacting on the surface.

Thank you so much! I just confirmed with the doctor that I have HSV-2 (they didn't tell me over the phone back in July). I took 10 days of Valtrex, 1 gram every 12 hours. He is sending in another prescription to the pharmacy, so I will get back on that for another 10 days as there seems to be new sores and I'm running around with overwhelming feeling of flu. Does this sound like a reasonable course? (sounded like the doctor was looking things up online when we were on the phone -- he was an urgent care guy, a "generalist" I guess). Based on all the reading I've been doing online, I have been taking L-lysine, Vitamin E, pro-biotics. I think I may go buy some Monolauriun (sp?). I also have been wearing cotton undies, blow drying after showers, going without undies any time I am home and when I sleep. I've also cut out chocolate and nuts and have significantly cut out sugar in my diet (used to drink two soft drinks a day/now down to 2 a week). I'm trying also to eat as much fresh fruit and veg and not eating fried foods. I guess as a byproduct, I will eventually lose weight with H.

Wow, yeah, so just diagnosed with genital herpes mid-July and still wrapping my head around the diagnosis. I've been reading anything and everything I can about the subject and am really thankful to have found this site -- what a wonderful, supportive and informed community. At present I am still going through the outbreak, at least it seems that way. The pain has lessened, I was put on Valtrex for twice a day/ten days but that was over more than a week ago. I haven't been on any further suppressants and I do have a GYN appointment for my annual next Wednesday. There, I guess I will have to learn what is happening down there... What I mean is...I'm not exactly sure what is going on down there. I've done the whole flashlight and small mirror looking but I cannot really be sure how many sores, etc. I am a plus-sized gal, so I have a nice round tummy that prevents me from seeing as much as I'd like to see. So does it seem reasonable (and I have to admit that I am embarrassed about this) for me to ask my GYN doctor to give me the low down. I mean, can she count and let me know (maybe even by graph) where they are? Also, I've read on a UK NHS site that the first outbreak may last "up to 20 days" but I'm well passed that. Is it possible that I re-infected myself in spots where I wasn't initially exposed? When I first started the looking down there, I was using my hand and spreading things out to look and think maybe I did spread it some. And, if so, should I ask my GYN for a Valtrex prescription? I don't know if I should do the suppressive therapy or not as well. My labia on both sides (one side more than the other) is swollen and very red from what I can tell. It is weirdly uncomfortable, it's like having a small ball between my legs. I can walk fine but at night I've been going without underwear and wonder if possibly my swollen labia is rubbing my sores in other areas. Would underwear help prevent that? And finally, I read in the discussion area where people mention their "one year". Do I need to wait an entire year before doing certain things? Like oral sex performed on me? (I realize that we should use a dental dam or some protection). I'm sure I will have more questions but those are the most immediate that come to mind. Many thanks in advance for any help you kind folks may offer!

How long does the flu-like symptoms and utter fatigue last? Is the first outbreak the worst for this or is this forever? :(