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Hi everyone,

 

I'm newly diagnosed with HSV2, 1 month in. I'm such a weird mixture of emotions lately. When I first found out I think I cried and stayed in bed for about two weeks. I didn't care about anything I just felt like my love life was over. I eventually cried so much and got tired of laying down doing nothing that I decided to get up and get going. Yes, empowering right? No. I thought I was better but this week, I have just been distraught all over again. One day I'm happy, funny, confident old me and then the next day, I'm crying all over again.

 

I'm not as angry anymore but I feel I'm in the bargaining/regret stage. The, what if I did this or what if I did that. I received H from my last boyfriend who was asymptomatic or maybe he was symptomatic but never told me and I never noticed. Either way, a year later here I am H+. I linger in regret but not as much as I linger about my unknown future... Love life especially. To toss a cherry on this, the actual week that I got my diagnosis, I starting talking to a man who works with me but in a different department. I didn't think I would end up liking him but here I am now, a month later and already liking this guy.

 

He seems very serious about me, which he has mentioned and that scares the crap out of me. Why? Well I'm sure you can guess. We have not been any kinds of intimate bc I told him I'm not rushing into anything. Today, I was very down. On top of having a bad day with H on my mind.. I found out some family info that just shot me even more down. I was a bit mean to this man as we spoke bc I thought to myself, why bother? He's not going to want me anyway.

 

That is such a horrible thought. I have so much to offer and I've never thought negatively about myself. My mentality has always been, If he doesn't want me, it's his loss. But for some reason, that mentality is not helping me through this.

 

My friends, two close ones and my sister give me a lot of encouragement but it only does so much. I feel like they don't understand what I'm going through.

 

I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to cry and think no one will want me. I don't want to fall prey to this virus or it's stigma but I'm not strong enough yet. I need emotional help and support. That's why I joined this site. I want someone to talk to who has gone through my pain and has overcome it! I want to feel the sense of hope I've always had. I want to allow this man to get to know me and all my positive qualities. I want to love me again. I want to feel pretty again.

 

I WANT TO BE HAPPY.

 

Thank you for reading.

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Hi Mg,

 

I was diagnosed this week actually, and I feel very grateful that I was able to come to terms with this so quickly in a very positive way, but can relate to your love dilemma. Read my story here: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4384/coping-with-diagnosis-and-what-if/p1

 

I think the first step is really understanding that this is just an annoying skin condition, that people get cold sores all the time and it's just on a different part of your body. I am sure you have read all about the transfer rates and methods of protection, and this knowledge can be part of your arsenal in educating others and letting them know this is not as scary as everyone makes it out to be. You know that you have it and that is the most important and powerful part, because you can manage it and be responsible in not giving it to other people... unlike most of us here who have gotten it without any choice or knowledge.

 

Also, try to remember that nothing about who you are and what you have to offer has changed in any way. Your heart, gifts, talents and strengths are everything they were before you got diagnosed, and if anything, you will become stronger, more resilient and self-confident because of this.

 

Concerning meeting someone, I get it. I was getting to know someone who I thought might very well be the guy of my dreams when I was diagnosed, and he chose to politely back out when I entrusted him with this new-found information. That was actually harder for me to deal with that the diagnosis itself. It was a difficult pill to swallow, but if he was the right guy for me, he would have been strong enough to stand by me, he would have seen my worth regardless of this condition and taken the time to fully educate himself before jumping ship. And, I don't hold that against him, because everyone has the right to decide what risks they want to assume. But the fact is, we can't take this back, we can't magically make it go away, so all we can do is embrace what it actually will bring into our lives... men who will see all of our beauty, courage and strength, beyond whatever skin condition(s) we have, and accept and appreciate us fully, men who are strong, open-minded, intelligent, compassionate, patient and open to being vulnerable with us, men who ultimately have our best interest at heart.

 

I mean, if a man can't stand by you or deal with a completely manageable skin condition, what's going to happen when life throws something bigger your way? Cause there are a lot of people out there with terminal illnesses like cancer or AIDS or brain tumors, or debilitating diseases and injuries... who would gladly trade it all in for HSV2.

 

I doubt this journey will be easy, and we will falter, and the conversations we have and possible rejections we might face will be difficult, but we have to stay strong and believe that this diagnosis is not a curse, but a very special filter that will weed out the guys that were never worthy of hearts in the first in the place and that will let only the guys that are truly deserving in. Try to use this perspective to empower yourself, and trust that there is meaning in this journey, and that the opportunity to find a greater love than you've ever known is around the corner.

 

I'm a quotes kinda girl, so here are few to cling to when faced with someone who chooses to walk:

 

-Some day, someone is going to thank you for letting me go.

-When someone walks out of your life, let them. They are making room for someone better to walk in.

- Don't confuse your path with you destination. Just because it's stormy now doesn't mean that you aren't headed for sunshine.

-Everything that you are going through is preparing you for what you asked for.

 

I hope this helps, even just a little. You are not alone my friend, and if ever you need to talk, we are all here to support you. Btw, what really helped me was reading the success stories people have shared. This one is one of my favorites:

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3498/exhale-finally-herpes-talk-success

 

Smile, today you are alive and have blessings all around you! :)

 

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@Mg0301

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

I was a bit mean to this man as we spoke bc I thought to myself, why bother? He's not going to want me anyway.

 

First - you are only just diagnosed. What you are feeling is VERY normal ... you are buying into the stigma, the vast majority of which is in your head (if it were true your 2 friends and sister wouldn't be supporting you, they'd be running for the hills!). I can tell you that between my personal observations (I'm 100% "out" and haven't had any negative reactions) and my observations here (Disclosure Success Stories outnumber "failures" by at LEAST 5:1 ) that people are mostly FAR more understanding about H than you may believe. So, by my observations and experience, your guy has a better chance of being ok with you and your H friend than you think. ;)

 

That is such a horrible thought. I have so much to offer and I've never thought negatively about myself. My mentality has always been, If he doesn't want me, it's his loss. But for some reason, that mentality is not helping me through this.

 

So... and this is just a guess ... perhaps in the past, perhaps you have relied on your body to attract men, and now you will have to allow them to see the REAL you first and be vulnerable??? I have a few links for you to read ... some stuff to chew on... that I think will help you understand where I'm coming from that I will post below. They should be a good jumping off point for you ... ;)

 

You will be fine, I'm sure. Just by your resolve to not stay in the "Herpes Pity Party" (It's a popular hangout for the newly diagnosed but the music stinks and the atmosphere is rather dank and dark ;p ) you have a better chance to find the exit door and get yourself out of there than many who believe that once you are there, you are doomed to a life of celibacy and lonely nights ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/finding-your-authentic-self-with-herpes/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

 

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@PositivelyBeautiful

 

I mean, if a man can't stand by you or deal with a completely manageable skin condition, what's going to happen when life throws something bigger your way? Cause there are a lot of people out there with terminal illnesses like cancer or AIDS or brain tumors, or debilitating diseases and injuries... who would gladly trade it all in for HSV2.

 

So true! I have a client whose husband fell off a roof and is now a quadriplegic. While he can get around with a mechanized chair on his own and feed himself, pretty much everything else requires her help. She has to turn him over several times at night. She has to change his catheter, clean him, dress him, help him to his chair, and even manually help him to defecate (yes... sorry about the TMI but this is a good reality check for people!). She certainly didn't sign up for that, but she has stood by him through it all. They just started exploring traveling outside the area (by plane) and they are making the best of what life threw them. I don't know about you but THAT is the life partner that *I* want.

 

And we actually HAVE had a conversation on here about Herpes vs Cancer ...

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2366/id-rather-have-cancer

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Hi Positivelybeautiful,

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I read your diagnosis story and you're right. The first thought that came to my head was that the man you were seeing should have taken time to get educated on the manner. He should not have jumped to conclusions like he did. Makese feel that in the end he would not have been worth your time. I know people say I haven't changed, at least all the qualities that make me who I am are still there, but for some reason I do feel changed. Due to personal issues, mainly family, I've never been someone to be vulnerable with my feelings. I'm quiet the opposite actually. With the exception of my first bf who was a great man, the only other two men I slept with/dated were not the best. I guess what shocks me the most is that I've only been with 3 people, yet this still happened. So people who cling to that stigma can shove it.

I've read stories on women who get this on their first time ever, which I can imagine they feel way worse than I do. It's the whole pitty party of why me, why did this happen. I'm applying to medical to this year so I KNOW there are worse things in life. I've studied them, even seen them while I've shadowed different physicians. If only my damn mind can wrap itself around the idea that this could be worse, maybe I could bounce back faster.

I might be more scared of having to be vulnerable with my feelings than actually being rejected by someone. I feel like that may be the root to some of this.

 

Hi Dancer,

Well I know physically I have attracted a lot of men before but I was never one to jump into the sack with someone. I know I'm much more than looks. I made my wrong choice by not using safe sex all the time with my ex bf. I guess I was stupid enough to trust him. Or maybe I thought I was invincible or something. Who knows what I was thinking. All I know is that I'm in this situation now bc of that decision.

I've had to deal with A LOT in my life that has already made me a strong person. For some reason, I guess this is just another one of those sutuations.

I don't wallow in self pitty every night. Yesterday was a bad day but today I woke up better. It comes and goes which drives me a little up the wall. I'm just like "Brain! Chose one already!."

 

 

Either way, thank you for the response ladies. It feels good to know I'm not alone and even better to be supported my such great people.

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"I might be more scared of having to be vulnerable with my feelings than actually being rejected by someone. I feel like that may be the root to some of this."

 

Is that your silver lining then? Is that your opportunity? Perhaps you would have never been challenged on such a deep level to be vulnerable, completely exposed to someone, if you never had to confront this diagnosis. There is so much to gain in being vulnerable, with the right person of course. And this diagnosis offers you a path to achieving both. Maybe something to think about? Obviously, this lesson in a different form other than contracting this skin condition would have been preferred, but life has a funny way of showing us beauty sometimes.

 

Another fav quote for you:

 

"Being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you." - Bob Marley.

 

Stay positive, and enjoy the good days... those are the ones that will build your strength over time. :)

 

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