NOT READY...

[Cali]

This guy and I have been on and off for 2 years AS FRIENDS! Quick history: kissed probably twice, slept in the same bed never too much intimacy, no sexual intercourse. We've always liked each other but didn't think it would work until NOW.. where we want the same things... We went on a friendly date the other night and tonight he said "we need to have a sit down and talk about what's expected on both ends" I'm still not sure if it'll work so I don't want to jump the gun and tell him about h+ but I feel like if I don't he'll fall for me and not be able to handle it in the end. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

[WCSDancer2010]

I would see if you look like you are "for sure" moving forward ... and then tell him when you feel that intimacy is in the near future...

 

Let them know you have something personal to share, and that you are doing so because you have got to a point where you feel you can entrust them with this information.

 

Also let them know that you want to start with honesty and openness, and that you need to share this with them because you care for them and this is something that has the potential to affect them, and that you need to discuss it now because you feel the relationship is moving towards sexual intimacy and you want to put this on the table before that happens.

 

Be confident in yourself and your knowledge of the facts... or at least have the handouts with you so you can refer to them and give them to your partner to take home and use for reference.

 

Make sure to direct them to places like this site, my blog, the CDC's site, Westover Heights and other trusted, RELIABLE sources ... direct them AWAY from Google images and the Yahoo groups where all the Debbie Downers hang out.

 

Give them permission after to take as much time to research and consider their response.

 

Whatever happens, don't take anything they say or do personally if it's negative. Odds are, it's their ignorance (because we all know that the education about H is pretty pathetic) or their fear of something marring them in some way (very possible if they are OCD/hypochondriac/anxious).

 

You can also point out that the risk of getting H from someone who KNOWS they have Herpes is far less than most of the population because 80% of people with H don't know they have it ...and that the vast majority of cases are from asymptomatic carriers or people who have been led to believe that they can't pass it on without an OB and thus don't need to tell a partner as long as they don't engage in sex during an OB.

 

Make sure that you don't wait till the clothes are off to tell someone either (and it happens all too often!) because that is how poor decisions are made then the person has regrets AND is scared silly ... rather than making a well thought out choice to be with you.

 

Approach it with confidence and a trust that it will work out as it is meant to..... because that really is all you can do anyway

 

Also download the e-book on disclosure and the handouts. Great place to start with getting your mind wrapped around how the talk can actually bring you closer instead of driving them away.

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

Herpes facts video