Had the talk and have never been more confused

[SunnyDaysAreHere]

Well I finally took the leap last night and told the guy I've been seeing. This was my first disclosure and I fumbled quite a bit - I had everything planned out in my head the way I wanted to say it, but it ended up coming out like a disjointed version of what I had planned, and some tears.

 

What I can't wrap my head around now is that when I told him, he was upset - not that I have H but at the particular time I chose to tell him. He said he had a timeline in his head and wasn't really thinking of being intimate in that way for a while longer. He never shared this particular timeline with me, although we had talked about taking things slow and wanting to get to know each other. I just thought it was time to tell him since we have been getting more physical, I have slept over with him, and I wanted to do it sooner rather than later, so it didn't seem like I was trying to lie or hide it. And before either of us becomes too attached.

 

He was visibly upset and said he didn't understand why I told him now, and that he hadn't pressured me to do anything (true) so he was confused. We went to sleep and this morning he seemed totally normal and upbeat, so I asked 'Are you not mad at me? You seemed upset last night.' And now he says he just doesn't want to talk about it.

 

I understand he's trying to process things, but if we keep dating (which it seems like we will) we're going to have to talk about it eventually. How long should I wait? Or should I just back off and not bring it up until he does?

[WCSDancer2010]

Actually @inka - I wouldn't give him the info just yet ... not with this guy :/

 

I would let him know that when *HE* is ready, you have some info for him so he can get informed. This man seems to need to be in control of things (@SunnyDaysAreHere ... make note of that .... your Wingman may be showing you something about him that you would not have seen sooner. Not that it's a "bad" thing but he may have some issues with control, and it's something that *could* affect you over time ;) )

 

You did the right thing by telling him. It's not up to you to worry about why he seemed to think that you should have waited .... who knows, if you told him later he may be the kind of guy who would be pissed that you didn't tell him earlier before he got "attached'. Go figure :p