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Herpes as something higher

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Hi Guys! I'm 22 and found out at the end of September that I have genital HSV 1, and as everyone else can relate, it was news that I did not want to hear. I was upset for a little while, playing the victim role I guess, and judged the virus from the ignorant views I acquired of it over the course of my life. Around the time that I found out I had the virus, the last thing I wanted to think about was having sex; now that it has been a few months I've learned to view the virus from a higher perspective. I've had some negative experiences with dealing with herpes so far (due to my own actions), where I've had a great night with a guy and at the end of the night lied about having my period, or some other excuse because I didn't want to tell him about the virus. And it's that limited feeling that has been bothering me lately, and makes me feel angry for having this. But what I always find myself thinking after I get upset or feel pity for myself, is that there is a reason that this came into my life. I know not everyone believes that everything happens for a reason, but when I think of many other events that have occurred in my life so far, I feel like everything fell into the right place at the right time, regardless if it was a negative situation or a positive one.


Herpes, like anything else, is all about perspective. How you choose to view the virus, and yourself for having the virus will affect how you live your life dealing with it. I look at my sexual history before herpes and I see a girl who tended to have sex as a way to deal with her insecurities or ideas of her own self worth. I actually at times never fully enjoyed it and often just wanted it to be over because it didn't feel good for me. This got me to thinking about this whole forums idea of herpes offering me an opportunity to get to know myself and what I really want. Now that I have this virus I am forced to really think about who and what I want to let into my body, and although I haven't had many sexual partners in my life, I never really looked at sex in that way before. In many ways having herpes opened my eyes to sides of myself I didn't know I was hiding. For one, it made me realize how judgmental I was of herpes, (or any other virus/STD for that matter) until I actually had it. It has made me view my body as something more than just a tool to feel physical pleasure with, with any given person, and allows me to see how much more meaningful sex could be when actually given thought and consideration into who you're sharing your body with. It has also brought up issues I've had with myself that I never really knew existed before, because nothing ever happened for those issues to present themselves. So even though it has only been a few months that I've had it, I've grown wiser about myself from it.


I know this is a tad long, but when I was first diagnosed I would have liked to read a post with a positive message about the virus that I wrote about in this one. So I guess what I really wanted to say is that everything in your life is how you look at it; how you view something is what creates your experiences. For those out there who are nervous or scared of not having the sex life that they had before (which I do feel myself sometimes), I think we need to realize that the opportunities we had before herpes, we still have now, it's just now we have a better mindset of being safer with sex than thinking that nothing will ever happen to us. If we can learn to see herpes not as a burden, but as a doorway to getting to know ourselves and others on a deeper level, than I think some of us will be grateful to have this little virus because in the long run it may be one of our greatest teachers.

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Hi Iris4,

Wow, you have hit the Herpes Opportunity square on. Beautifully said. Simply beautiful. I LOVE and APPRECIATE the heart and thoughtfulness you put into this post. I'm sure others will feel the same and get their own gifts from your words.  

Here are some blog posts around this topic:


  • My mother is now in hospice with end-stage cancer, so I am at her house a lot these days helping where I can until she passes. Thank you in advance for understanding if I am not as quick to respond as I normally would be. This is a precious and bittersweet time …
  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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I just read your "Could herpes be a symptom - a physical manifestation - of something deeper?" and am somewhat blown away by your wise perception of not only herpes, but life in general. Each time I have a new profound thought on living with herpes or possibly the true significance of attracting it into your life, I read something from your website and you take that idea even further and deeper into its true essence. You have a real gift for expressing your ideas, and you obviously have wisdom beyond your years. I've said it before but it really is so, completely amazing what you have created and how you really bring out the truth of herpes to the people who really need it the most. Every time I come back to this website for positive affirmation and reassurance, it's like I get kicked back into reality and realize how small this virus really is and how in a way it's comical that our society has created this horrible stigma about it. The real truth of the situation is what you have been saying all along, that it is not the herpes that makes us mad, angry, upset, or whatever- it is ourselves that are creating those feelings. We can simply choose to let go, forgive, and move on in a way of living that may be more beautiful than we were before. I know I feel that way lately; so thank you again for being such a positive inspiration for the millions of people out there who really need a change in their mindset :)

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