Disclosing to an ex

[Prettyinpinkrn]

My boyfriend and I both tested positive for HSV2 and are not sure who gave it to who. We are kind of over that, but I have been thinking what if I was the one who gave it to him. This thought never really crossed my mind before so it has me wondering if I should tell my ex to get tested? Is it unethical to not tell your previous partners?

 

The major problem with this is that we know a lot of the same people and we had a messy break up. I am scared if I tell him to get tested, he'll run around and tell our mutual friends. And then what if I got it from my current boyfriend? Has anyone here had to disclose to an ex that you really can't trust and honestly can't really stand anymore?

[WCSDancer2010]

That's a tough one. If the option that Inka mentioned is available, I'd go with that. Or could you type out and leave an anonymous message that he might want to get tested?

 

Certainly if he could make your life miserable then I would leave it be. I don't have any ex's in that category so I can't speak from experience ... :(

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Hi, I can't be certain that I got it from the last person I was with... but all signs point to him. I chose not to tell him, for the very same reasons you are listing. (I did tell the person before him, who I respected and trusted because I felt he would have offered me the same. Although I am still not entirely sure his STD testing included herpes.) This person in question is not mature enough to handle a disclosure, and he would likely point the finger in my direction. I live in small community where everyone knows everyone, and although I am uncertain of whether he would actually tell a bunch of people (for his own shame of potentially having it), the thought of telling him didn't sit well with me. He might have known before we actually had sex, or he may have not known. I have no clue. But none of that changes the fact that I contracted it, and so I chose to let it go. I am just living with the reality now, accepting that I may never really know how and when I got it. That's ok with me. But i suppose you have to decide what you are willing to live with... Hope this helps a bit.