Has this happened to anyone?

[extraordinarygirlll]

I confided in a friend of mine who also has herpes to be able to talk about it. She ran her mouth the day I told her ( which I didn't even have the official call yet) to some of my guy "party friends." I then confronted her and she denied it. I made it like well the joke was on her but my results came back negative. I also confronted the people she told and told them I didn't have it. All In all maybe like five guys may of found out about it. these guys aren't my real friends just party friends. I just cringe at the fact that it could be spread in my town. What if my results where in fact negative I'm sure I wouldn't even care if people thought that because I'd have the mentality of "who cares it's not like I really have it!" But since I do it really hits home. It's been consuming a lot of my thoughts...especially since lately I have realized that herpes isn't the end of the world. However it was something that I wished would of never got out of my close friends and family circle. Any advice on how to not let this bother me? Has this happened to anyone?

[Coco1987]

This has never happened to me, but I do relate to you with the fact of other people finding out. Firstly your friend shouldn't have said those things if you confided in her. However the truth is now people know and it is this time you must take this experience as a step in becoming true with yourself. How has it changed your relationships with the people who know? If it hasn't then great, if they think negatively of you just remember you haven't changed as the person you are. You are still a wonderful beautiful person!! I am on a journey myself to become more open with the fact that I too am living with HSV 2, in my head I am okay with it but not okay with the stigma that comes along with it! We are the ones who must deal with the self esteem consequences from others actions/thoughts! take this time in your life to really think about the people who surround you!

[WCSDancer2010]

@extraordinarygirlll

 

Sorry your "friend" ran her mouth ... but this is just your H friend acting as your Wingman. Herpes tends to make people show their true colors. She is no friend. Friends don't repeat what they are told in confidence. :(

 

As for everyone knowing. Well, I came out completely last year... and to be honest, it's been great. I've had tons of support from everyone. The only person who doesn't know is my father, because at 86, he just doesn't need to worry, and I know he has a lot of misconceptions about it. @JessikaRabbit just did the same thing and had a similar reception. And of course @Adrial is also out and he's got an awesome support system too. But of course, coming completely out isn't for everyone. I'm just pointing this out to show that being "out" doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's all about attitude.

 

When you really get to your core that what other people think of you is a reflection of THEM (especially when it comes to something like Herpes), then anything they say or do won't matter. To be honest, my experience (personal and seeing others) is that when you have complete confidence in your situation, very few if any will make a big deal out of it. Also if you were "out", you would find that the men that show up will be the ones who appreciate a confident woman who owns her condition and doesn't let it define her.

 

Until you reach that point you just have to accept that people will continue to be ignorant and that you can't take anything they say or do personally.

 

(((HUGS)))

[extraordinarygirlll]

I wish I could just come out but I don't think it's the thing for me...at least not now. I'm not sure what I'm so worried about anyways. So what if someone thinks I have it? I'm not sleeping with them it's not any of their business right? I just find myself wondering who knows or thinks that they know. I never used to care about what people thought of me I don't get why this is so different. But yes ur right confidence is key I suppose :) I have a lot of self work to do!

[WCSDancer2010]

Well, then, this is the challenge that H has brought you.

 

This has been my quote of the day... and it's been so appropriate for so many different conversations I've had.... :)

 

“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'

 

'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.

 

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'

 

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'

 

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”

― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

[golddust086]

WCSDANCER2010...well, put girl! I'm gonna cry...Damn Velveteen Rabbit!

Extraordinarygirl, I'm sorry that someone put you in an awkward situation to out you when you aren't ready. I know how much that sucks. I came out as soon as I found out because I have sisters and we all have big mouths and we get it from our mother so, I was I screwed in the confidentiality department. Honestly though, I didn't want to hide behind HSV. I was horrified at what people would think about me, but being in the hospital around doctors and nurses and the look they gave me, wasn't an Ew look maybe because they are educated about what it is, but they looked at me as if they wanted to stroke my hair and tell me I was going to be o.k. There are people out there who are ignorant and don't care about understanding and if you live in a small town or a town where WORD GETS AROUND trust me I know that all too well. I would agree with you that some Self Work would be o.k. for you right now. It's debilitating to have something like that happen to you when you aren't ready and your friend sounds like a real ***** -excuse my French- considering they have it as well, you would think they would be more sympathetic, but they obviously are seeking attention so you should kick that one to the curb and chuck up a Deuces and possibly The Bird..that'll get your message across and get the anger outta the way.:) But try to focus on yourself and know that you don't have a label across your chest even if people do find out. If they know you, like really know you and know what a good person you are inside and out, they will love you no matter what. We all say, Herpes isn't who you are, but a part of you. And you will live to see another day. We all care about you and you'll be o.k. Just pick you right now and love yourself and heal with the process. Maybe later you will be comfortable in letting people in, but that's within your own time.

[sleepless]

When I told my "BEST FRIEND" she told everyone in her circle! I'm like Hello I would like to be the one to tell or not tell someone about what I have. I was a little pissed at her at first but then I got over it and the people she told don't treat me any differently, and the one who told everyone even forgot I had it LOL!!! I was talking about it with her one day and she's like wait you have herpes and I'm like duh you were with me when I found out haha!