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Ha, now I know for sure he was the one.

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Looking back on it now, there were SO many signs that were right in front of me about him. About 2 months ago, far before we hooked up, and I was abstinent already for 6 months, I had this nasty little rash on my neck from a wool jacket I had just purchased. When I was telling my "giver" about my situation, he laughs and says "where I come from, we call that Herpes", jokingly of course. I immediately freaked out but my Doctor rest assured it wasn't herpes, especially since the rash cleared up with treatment and I stopped wearing the jacket and haven't had anymore irritation since. ANOTHER instance when we were hanging out, I noticed HE had a rash on his thigh. He told me "I just get heat rash sometimes. When I got my sleeve the artist noticed I had it when he was inking me up too". Hmmm, thought nothing of it. THEN we ended up having a chat about STDs and I was telling him how I've been paranoid since my last scare a year ago and I call my Dr. over every little thing, even a simple whitehead. He goes "yeah, razor bumps, I get those". The first night we had sex, the condom broke. He kept asking "are you SURE you're clean?" almost like he's had something before and didn't want to risk catching it again. I thought he was just cautious and took that as a good thing, but thinking back on it now it was more of a paranoia kind of way of asking. Even after a few days he still asked "you're clean, right?". Then when I had the outbreak and called him, he didn't even sound shocked. He asked in a very low tone "is it Herpes...?" Then he texted me an hr later saying "I swear I didn't know....I never had symptoms...." and "I'm sorry for ruining your life..". He was owning up to it like he already knew he had it!!!! Now he isn't talking to me. Kicked me like a bad habit. Maybe its guilt? Idk. However, now I see him for the person he truly is, and I wish we never slept together. Oh well, it is what it is now...

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I'm guessing he was suspicious of his "rashes" but didn't get tested because for many, not knowing it preferable to the truth... which is likely how he lives his life... avoidance rather than manning up. Better you found that out now. Yeah, you got herpes, but you don't have someone in your life that can't be honest over things that matter ;)

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You are so right on about that! I honestly feel this has transformed me inside and out. There is beauty in this 'tragedy' I now see. He gave me the gift that keeps on giving, but he also gave me a new appreciation for life, friends, family, a chance to meet new people (like the ones I've met here), and a whole new outlook on things. So I guess its not so bad lol.

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