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newly diagnosed with hsv 2, doubts about sexlife

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Hello there,

i'm a 28 year old male from germany, here in germany the situatution about herpes knowledge, information and testing isn't that good. I had a suspicion that i could have genital herpes, i visit a lot of doctors when i had something which seems to be sores, the docs were always like it is nohing, even when i said that i am afraid that it could be herpes, they send me away with salve and the words that i shouldn't worry and it's nohing,

First the docs were able to calme me, but 2 weeks ago i decided to go to a lab and get tested on my own bill, i only did a blood test for hsv 2, i don't care so much about type 1, because so many people have it and i just say i have it too.

The test turned out to be positve, it was an elisa igg test don't know much about this test, how many false positiv etc. but it says in the results the limit value is 16-22 and i got 44.

Ok i'm positive for hsv2 and because of my background of symptoms i assume i have it genital.


I don't feel shame for it, these things happen in life, but i don't know how to behave with this. I already read a lot here on herpeslife about transmission rates etc., and depending on the area where i used to have symptoms it is covered by condom, so i'm realtivly calm about sex with condoms. But for example recieving oralsex i can't imagine that to be really good with a condom on, i don't want to put someone at risk, but it is one of my favorites about sex and i'm getting really depressiv when i think that i can never enjoy this again, even if the risk for that kind of transmission is really low and if i would infect someone this way they will not have many problems with oral hsv2, i'm really struggling about that issue. I feel like an selfish bastard if i want somebody to give me unprotected oralsex who is hsv2 negative, but i don't want to be without it for the rest of my life or i wouldn't be really happy with my sexlife.

Sometimes i think you are an idiot, you should be happy with what you still can get.

One of my uncles always said if you don't get what you want, you have to want what you get.


So thank you for reading, i would appreciate any response. and i hope my english is not that bad :)

have a nice day


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Hello and Welcome!


Well, the general consensus (including with Herpes Specialists) is that the risk of passing HSV2 to someone through oral sex is so minute, that it's a non-issue. Only 1% of ALL Oral Herpes is HSV2.... so the risk is very minimal. I think the main thing to remember is to:


1) never have oral if there is ANY chance you are having an OB (even if you are sure it's really a rub)

2) Never let someone give you oral who has any kind of sore or cut on their lip or in the mouth... for their safety AND yours (no need to get H1 genitally either!)

3) Never let someone who is immune compromised give you oral ... IE ... if they have an autoimmune disorder (I'd at least check with their Dr before engaging in oral), if they are on immune suppressing drugs/treatments, or if they just got over an illness.


One of the "good" things about knowing your status is that you are now more aware of your body... the majority of people who get Herpes get it from someone who is either unaware of their status or who believes only full on OB;s are risky... *We* know that we need to be more cautious than that, so we can greatly decrease the risks to our partners ;)


Dr Leone discusses oral sex in this video (I tagged it to start at the oral sex point but it's worth watching the whole thing)




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