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Just diagnosed with herpes type 2, scared, embarrassed and need answers

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I'm 20 years old and just started having sex with my new boyfriend. We never really got to have the talk about being clean or tested before one night we got heated and had sex in the moment and I gave him a condom but he took it off during sex. I didn't think nothing of it. Besides making me angry I enjoyed it and we kept having sex unprotected the next two days before we left school for winter break. A few days when I got home i really started hurting and noticed bumps so I went to my OB and found out o had Herpes type 2. I have only told a few peopel and have not talked to my boyfriend since. I live in a strict household and fear telling my parents. Should I or should I not? I also am debating wether to still talk to this guy or not and to tell him or not. I know I should but I go to a very small private college and don't want runors spreading plus when I told him I didn't wanna have sex anymore he quit talking to me all together . What should I do???? Please help. Also I'm still unclear on all the ways to spread it and how many outbreaks to expect. It makes me not want to have sex ever again. I feel dirty :(

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Hello and Welcome!


First - you are FAR from alone with this... one in every 5 or 6 people around you will have it ... people just don't talk about it :(


Sounds like this guy is in denial ... whether he knew he had it or not is anyone's guess. Your story is all too common I am afraid ... and while you may not want to hear this, herpes is a GREAT Wingman - it shows you the REAL person when they are faced with it...and his reaction doesn't seem like one of a compassionate and empathetic person :( Did you tell him you were diagnosed with herpes or just that you took the cookies away from him? If you only told him no sex he's probably confused ... and it is in his best interest to know he needs to be tested ... just make sure then you tell him you learned he may be unaware that he could be carrying it because he likely hasn't been tested for it :(


As for your parents ... if they are that strict you may not want to tell them ... especially right now while you are fragile... I am all for transparency but if they would only say hurtful things this isn't the time to talk to them :/


BW, how were you diagnosed? Visual? Swab?Blood test?


Here's some info to help you to get more educated about Herpes:




Handouts + disclosure e-book:







Herpes facts video


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If you want to confirm that you just got it (a negative blood test would confirm you just got it) Planned Parenthood does sliding scale and may make it affordable. Just an option for you.


I know it may feel really awkward but it would be good if you could tell him... odds are he's unaware he has it and he needs to get tested so he hopefully doesn't play the "pull off the condom" trick again and pass it to another woman. :(

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Personally, I think if he takes off the condom without your permission, that already says a lot about his character. He should respect your choices.


Anyway, you should definitely tell him. He's probably confused because he likely has no idea he has it. Men are less likely than women to have symptoms, and they are usually less severe if they do. Sorry, ladies get the shit end of the herpes stick :( As for your parents, it's your decision, but I recommend it, especially if you are still on their insurance - they will see EOBs, which won't usually say anything specific (i.e. numerical codes with a vague explanation: "99213 limited/established visit" or something like that).

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as far as telling the parents ... she mentioned it's a very strict household ... parents/family are the one huge "grey area" in disclosure ... you can always make new friends but family dynamics can be really tricky. For instance: if there's a strong belief (usually religious) about sex before marriage it may be best to not include your family in your disclosures if theres a good chance they will not be empathetic and understanding because of their belief systems.


I for one am 100% out .. EXCEPT ... my father. He's 86, he gets really confused about things he has limited understanding of (I've heard his "understanding" of STD's awhile back ... don't ask me how it came up.... but it was a pretty surreal conversation ...LOL) and I know that it would just confuse and upset him more .... I'd rather just not upset him even though I would love to be able to be transparent with him ....


If the family has very strict religious/moral "codes", if someone in your family is very vocal in their "opinions", if someone in your family just plain is judgmental or they get all their information from the tabloids and Google, you may not want to disclose to them ... at least not until you are in such a secure place that you can face down and ignore any of their judgments and opinions ;)


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