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learning to say "herpes" out loud

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Hello all,


I've posted a couple other times with questions and concerns. Now I'm posting just because I feel like I've made some progress in the right direction. When I was first "diagnosed" (I put this in quotations because it was only a visual diagnosis) I was devastated and scared and confused and angry. The feelings that every one of you are familiar with I'm sure. I eventually told 4 people about this new discovery, only two of those disclosures were in person and with both I had a very hard time actually saying the word herpes. I broke out into a borderline hysterical sob both times and could look at the person I was telling.

Yesterday I went into the clinic to get blood work done. I also had hoped to get a swab of a suspicious blister on my leg, but by the time I was able to get in to the clinic the sore was healed. Anyway, as I was sitting in the exam room with the nursing assistant she asked what my reason for my visit was. I saw on the form that was printed at the front desk that it said "skin condition". So she inquired what kind of skin condition I was experiencing. At first I was hesitant because I didn't want to tell anyone other than the clinician. But I explained briefly that I most likely have the herpes virus genitally and that I found another blister in an odd place on my leg. I was expecting a look of disgust or maybe even a response of pity or something like that but it never came. She nodded as if I just told her I had a scrape on my knee or something! She didn't begin speaking to me differently or run away or immediately wash her hands. I was so relieved. AND I didn't cry!

I'm still awaiting my test results and I may have to get another test in a month just because I am just on the brink if when it may or may not be showing up in blood tests. But, I said the word herpes twice in one visit without any tears and without any negative reactions. I've also been able to mention it out loud to one of my closest friends now in otherwise normal conversation. Some days I feel like I'm still doomed and get really down about it, other days I come close to forgetting about it, but it's days like yesterday when I feel hopeful because I'm taking small steps toward acceptance.

Thanks for reading! :)

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