He Loves Me...H and All!

[RisingFaith]

Hello friends!

 

I have been silently active on this site for a couple months now and I must say it’s the best thing that has happened to the H community. I’ll have to write another post about my diagnosis but this one will be a success story! A loooong success story but never the less, a success!

 

I was diagnosed February 2014 at the age of 22 with HSV-2. I went through the normal “Why me?” for the simple fact that I’ve always done what I was supposed to do as far as sex is concerned (i.e., I was a virgin up until my 19th birthday, adamant condom user, tested after every partner, did not have multiple partners, did have one night stands, and contracted with condom use). I have not completely gotten past all of the emotions of H but I am taking it a day at a time.

 

At the end of June and beginning of July (4-5 months after diagnosis) I reached out to an ex-boyfriend that I had before my “giver”. He was completely happy that I had reached out to him and admitted that he had wanted to get in touch with me for months. He had even told me that he miss me and wanted to be in a relationship with me again. Our break up was a nasty one where he was entertaining another girl (without sex) that lived in a different state, had her here for New Year and a time before, visited her for Valentine’s Day, she moved down here a couple months later, they moved in together, and stayed together for a year and a half before they called it quits. She was an ex-girlfriend of his where they broke up for uncontrollable reasons. He admitted that he wanted to see what it would’ve been like if they had worked out spite the uncontrollable reasons of why they couldn’t be together the first time around. I had asked about her before and he said she was a family friend. I did not know about any of the visits she had here but he did tell me he was visiting her and that is when I called it quits with him; yes, he was very bold. Besides this situation, an ex of his had caused problems in our relationship early on that he says brought on his dealings with his ex-girlfriend. That ex later on reached out to me to let me know that everything she said to me about him and did was to cause a strain on our relationship because she didn’t want him with anyone else but her, none of it was true.

 

I disclosed to my ex-boyfriend over the phone a week after we had gotten back in touch while he was at work. He was sweet about it! He asked what the doctor said and about me having kids. I told him, “I can still have kids, sex, and anything else I want to do. I just have an incurable virus that I need to disclose before sex. I’m not going to die.” That same night he stopped by, a little tipsy, and let me know that he was going to be there for me. He grabbed on my boobs, butt, and privates almost to say he wasn’t scared. That night he kissed me good night and we still talked. He was even there for me during a hard event of my life. However, after that event our communication had kind of faded to the point where we were only speaking once a month. Of course this led me to believe that he couldn’t deal with H although he assured me that it wouldn’t be the reason why he and I wouldn’t be together. He said that when two people want to be together they do whatever it takes and work around whatever needs to be worked around. He all of a sudden didn’t want to be in a relationship even though he had told me before I disclosed that he wanted to be with me again.

 

December I texted him and we went back and forth about our communication with each other being horrible. He agreed that if I was willing to put more effort into it then he would too. He had explained to me in the next days that him not wanting to be in a relationship had nothing to do with me. He explained that he was focused on his career and the hours he works he doesn’t have the time to put into a relationship the way he needs to in order for it to be a success. He changed his career to a Sheriff officer. I understood but still held on to the idea that it was because of H. Christmas Day we texted about my dad’s Christmas request of a grandchild…from me. He wants one so badly and has given up on the idea that my older brother is going to grant him his wish. As I was having this conversation with him he tells me that he would have a baby with him. He goes into the motion that he has wanted to have a child for the longest but recently the want has grown stronger than before. I myself have been having baby fever but would like to finish college first and become financially and environmentally stable to have a child. I also let him know that I do not want to be someone’s “baby momma”. He told me that I wouldn’t be his “baby momma” that a relationship would come first. The next day he texted to say that he had been thinking a lot about having a baby with me and that it was something that he wanted to do. I questioned him about him saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship but he continued to tell me that he has missed me and want to have a baby with me so let's work towards that. He was letting his feelings about being in a relationship go to be with me. “There’s nothing to explain. You’re my girl and that’s all it is to it.”

 

I felt as if maybe he had forgotten what I disclosed to him this past summer but asked him. He hadn’t forgotten and told me that he had did some research on WebMD. I asked what did he find because a lot of things about H on the Internet isn’t the truth. He told me that he found that he virus could be transferred without present sores. I went on to inform him of the statistics with condoms, antivirals, without one or the other, no precautions, his advantage of me knowing my diagnosis versus not knowing, and me being past my first year of infection. His response was “So there’s a risk but its really low.” I couldn’t do anything but smile. It’s funny though because in the middle of our conversation he stopped texting and finally texted back and he says “Sorry it took so long. I’m getting ready for work.” I texted back “I thought you got scared.” His response was “No. LOL.” He said that he didn’t want me taking antivirals. I told him that he can always ask questions. That night I spent the night and we didn’t have sex but the conversation the next day we both let each other know that we wanted to but was waiting on the other.

 

The next night I spent the night and it was the big night. He had asked the percentages again before we became intimate and had even contemplated not using protection. I told him to put it on though. After intimacy he went to wash off and get rid of the condom. When he came back into the room he was asking the percentages again and I laughed and told him. He apologized to me and I asked why was he apologizing. He said, “I feel like I’m freaking out and I don’t want you to think that. I don’t want you to think that I regret doing this. I don’t.” I laughed and told him that he can ask as many questions as he want how ever many times he want to and that I didn’t think he was freaking out. We talked about my experience with H and I let him know that I haven’t had an outbreak since the initial one, have no problems from the virus itself, my life has been the same, and that the pictures on the Internet is waaay worst than what it really is. His response was, “I don’t like that word: outbreak. It makes it sound worst than what it really is.” Priceless!

 

It has been a week and we’ve had sex three times. Since his “freak out” he hasn’t “freaked out” again. The sex is awesome! He has even had the thought of not using protection again. He doesn’t look at me any differently. Recently, he told me that he loves me and never stopped loving me! In fact, we just got into our first argument since being back together and it was about something that happened two years ago. Go figure!

 

First Disclosure was a success although I didn't realize it until months later and hopefully it will be the last disclosure!

 

[WCSDancer2010]

Yay for you!!!!! So happy for you!!!

 

Children are definitely fine ... most of us with H have them naturally ... they may advise you to take the anti=virals for the last month ... they have been using that protocol for over 25 yrs and I have not heard of any issues for the baby, so I suggest you consider taking them then at least.....

 

Otherwise, keep us posted!!! Hope it all works out for you and if it does, we want a photo of the baby!!!

 

(((HUGS)))