New member, questions and support

[ccat44]

Hey guys, I'm new here, I guess I'll go ahead and share my story first.

So for the past month or so, I had a few slip ups and hooked up with some guys since it was my first month of college, etc etc. I never had or never have had any symptoms of herpes or anything. No burning, no itching, no bumps, nothing. I went to my gynocologist for a normal check up about a week a ago and they ran all the normal tests (herpes, hepatitis, hiv, etc). The doctor called me back a few days later and said I had been exposed to herpes. She said something about retesting me... I was so in shock that I wasn't really listening to much she was saying. So my first question is why do they want to retest me? Do I have it or not? And if they say they want to retest me does that mean I may not have it?

Now the second part of this comes to my relationship with my boyfriend. We got serious recently and have been serious for about a month now. We are sexually active so if I do have herpes, he has it now as well. I've told him this and he handled it decently well. He didn't get mad at me, more mad at the situation. But it's kind of upsetting me because he's treating me different. He no longer wants to do oral with me, even tho I have no visible symptoms and haven't ever had any. I'm no different than I was before and I know where he's coming from but the way he's acting makes me feel very disgusting and unwanted.

How do I handle this? I'm trying to be understanding and look at it from his perspective but it's hard on me. He will still have sex with me but sometimes I want more.

Also, last, I don't feel like the same person anymore. I know that nothing really has changed but I feel so different. Like i can't even be myself. I feel like I lost my personality. Just tips on how to handle this. Is anyone wants to be my buddy, you can pm me. Thanks guys.

 

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@ccat44

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

Well, at least they tested you for Herpes because the vast majority of STD tests don't include Herpes which is why 80% of people with it don't know they have it :(

 

I'm guessing you had a very "low positive" ... with the Elissa test, above 1.1 is considered positive by most Dr's but if you never had symptoms then anything under 3.5 would be suspect... so I'm guessing your numbers were in the 1.1 range and your Dr is one of the few who seems to know that you can't trust the results with that number and no OB's ;)

 

As for your BF, just because you *may* have it doesn't mean you WILL give it to him. There are MANY dicordant couples (one H+ one H-) who are together for many many years and the partner doesn't get it, even without condoms or anti-virals.

 

Your BF is acting the way he is out of ignorance. So you need to educate him. I'd start with printing out the handouts (link below) and show him the video (also below). IF you have HSV2 the odds are very low he would get it orally from you. In fact, it *could* be that HE gave it to YOU. Has he has a FULL STD test? (you generally have to specifically ASK or Herpes to be included so odds are that he's never been tested.) Ger him to come on here so we can explain things to him or get him to go to your Dr with you ... tell him that odds are anything he *thinks* he knows about Herpes is likely not correct and he needs to get up to date on his info. Start with that and see how he reacts :)

 

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

Herpes facts video

[jjjim15]

hi i have herpes on my face my dr.said that what i have wasn't herpes turns out it is and now i gave it to my wife.how can i ever make her life whole again.If you have herpes on your genital you keep your clothes on and no one needs to know.however if it on your face don't you have to tell people who are close to you and how you relate to everyone in the world.I'v started going to sexaholics anonymous for i am a sex aholic(good for me)can anyone help me.i love my wife and she is very depressed and i hate myself to the point that i feel like hurting myself but i know thats the cowards way out i'm so upset i can even thing how to spell anything can tell me how to help her please

[jjjim15]

i'm sorry about my post earlyeri should have said i have herpes 2 o my face not the more common herpes 1.God I feel terrable because my wife did nothing wrong.I did way does she have to suffer.the out look for a cure anytime so doesn.t look good.I'm 19 yrs older than her'I can't ask for forgiveness because i feel unforeable

[WCSDancer2010]

@jjjim15

 

So Jim .. you never answered my question on another post where you brought this up. On that one you said you have had H2 on your genitals for 10 years ... now you are saying you have it on your face. If you had H2 on your genitals all this time it's almost impossible that you would get it on your face.

 

So - how were you diagnosed for the genital herpes and how were you diagnosed for the issue on your face? I need some more details before I can help you.

 

I've had HSV1 orally since I was 4 and HSV2 genitally since I was 17 and you are definitley making more of both than you need to. *Perhaps* you gave it to your wife but that is a risk she took when she married you ... and she be ok.

 

Whatever is going on, it sounds like you need to forgive YOURSELF first ... and going to a Sex-Anon type group is a BIG step in dealing with this.

 

If you can answer my questions I'll give you my opinion but I've learned to find out how a person was diagnosed first before I reply ... because that answer often makes for a very different answer ;)

 

(((HUGS)))