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Heads up: This is all rather negative, and is kind of a rant. So readers beware haha.


I had my first therapy session earlier this week. I didn't really know what to expect, but I rather naively went into it thinking I would be able to get perspective, or even this "Ray of hope" that would bring everything back to normal and pull me out of this weird emptiness. I was wrong on both fronts. I realize my therapist job cannot take the herpes away, and it was only one session, but I feel no better if not worse than when I started. Her putting it into perspective was giving me the facts about how many people have it and live "healthy, and (Eventually) happy lives" all of this I had read online and has not helped me work through this bitch of a year long ordeal that has been coined a"phase". I expressed my concern over my continuing fall into alcoholism (and more recently even discovered drugs "help" me too). She told me I have potential depression over this, but it will pass with time.


I do not like who I am.


I miss the old me.


I cringe at the thought of being with someone (Although I have wanted to since my last boyfriend, but he kind of destroyed that for obvious reasons). So many facets of life I used to think were easy, manageable, even fun; Going on a first date, having a crush, seeing other people in a relationship, now has a whole new twisted level of fear and disgust, because every time I experience or see something like that it all come crashing down when I tell myself, "I have herpes."


To say the way I'm feeling about herpes is just a choice and I have to CHOOSE to accept it is a gross understatement. It was all so fun and happy until this happened. It went from seeing colors to the world being a dull mix of gray.


Isn't it weird that "just a skin condition" can do that.


I obviously have problems I need to work through.


/Rant over


(I don't know if this is/was appropriate just to rant or whatever, but this is the only place I can.)


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Rants are good. In a weird way it means you are making some progress. I'm coming up to the 28 year mark with having herpes. I once stood where you are now. Have you checked to see if there is a support group near you? Going to some meetings was a great help to me. Its scary as hell at first, but everyone there understand where your comming from. There is a list of groups in the informational blog part of the site. I'm not good with posting links here in the forum.

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First - rants are ok here. Better to get it out than keep it in.


For a start - find a different therapist. It's not their place to try to get you to see the puppies and kittens and beautiful flower fillied fields perspective. Their job is to let you get your shit out and then help you to find a way to look at it differently ... and to see if the current issue is bringing up past hurts and whatever, and help you find better coping skills. The fact that she shrugged off your concern about possibly falling into alcoholism and drugs tells me she wasn't tuned into YOU. Sometimes you have to try a few therapists out to find one that "fits" you ;)


The thing is, the "skin condition" hasn't done anything "to" you, but your MIND will have you believe that everything that goes wrong in your life now is thanks to Herpes, so that you wont actually look at those things negative things that you believe about yourself (and likely have to some degree for quite some time ... even though you may believe right now that life was "perfect" before Herpes). I know you can't see that right now. I know that you think I am certifiably crazy... and that's ok. But remember, I'm more than just a few steps ahead of you here. And so is @ihaveittoo ... and we are both telling you ... you CAN get beyond this. It may not be easy. Likely it won't be. Herpes has brought up stuff you likely would not like to deal with ... but if you CHOOSE to work on it and do the work (with a better therapist) I promise you can come out the other side stronger and better than ever.


One of my favorite sayings is "The TRUTH may set you free, but first it may really piss you off". You may have a lot of soul searching to do ... and believe me, it won't be easy. But with the right person to guide you through this, you can come out of this stronger than you ever knew you could be.


You don't have to believe me right now .. and you can rant all you want and you can call me crazy ... it won't hurt my feelings... promise. But we are here for you while you navigate this and I'm standing for you to find your way to the other side of all this.



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