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Waiting for his herpes test results

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I had my first OB the middle of Nov. (Swab: HSV2 positive IgG: negative/no detectable antibodies). My bf of over a year finally went to get tested and now we wait. I've come to terms with my status. I don't feel "dirty" all the time anymore and am learning that besides my twice/daily antivirals H is playing almost no role in my life. It's truly a relief to see it not be such a big deal as opposed to being told it's not all the stigma makes it out to be...but then there are those times that the stigma rears its ugly head.

My bf and my bestie are the only people I have disclosed to. I was having a chick flick marathon with 3 very close friends recently and on the verge of divulging. Somehow the only thing I remember with certainty about that night was the moment one of the girls said in conversation about dating new guys "ugh unless he looks like he has herpes!!" Her mom is an OB/GYN. I was pretty quite after that.

I did have an opportunity at work to try and squash the stigma in a conversation with co-workers. Although, I did not reveal my status I tried explaining in multiple ways how it's not the Scarlett letter it's made out to be. I failed at changing their minds about "loose people who are gross enough to get herpes."

So now, I think I'm more nervous about bf's results than he is. I feel bad for thinking that things would be easier for us if he's positive. But will I feel responsible for giving it to him if his results are low? We've only had sex one time since my diagnosis, I'd been on the antivirals for a month but we use a condom. It was dumb but didn't even register for me until halfway through the deed. But perhaps he gave it to me, for which I feel no ill-will. He didn't know he'd never been tested. And what if he's negative? I get to have this conversation with my last lover...after I go through friends to find him because I no longer have his contact information. So here I am wondering why bf went to planned parenthood for his test bevause I don't know how long their lab takes to get the test run and results back.

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Regarding your friend's comment...I would have asked her "Oh... yeah... your Mom is an OBGYN... so did she tell you what a guy looks like who has Herpes? Inquiring minds would like to know?"


One thing about divulging (that someone else on here learned) is that if you are in a relationship, your BF needs to be ok with you talking about it to others.... especially more than a bestie or parent. It sucks because I'd love everyone to slowly come out to all their friends but we have to think about the partners too... especially if you are already in a relationship. (New partners will just have to accept that people know if you have disclosed before you met to others ;) ). If you can become aligned in the desire to educate your friends snd rid the world of the stigma, then you would be a powerful team and it would be a great example to others but you need to talk to him about it before you go too far with telling others :(


I wouldn't worry about your one time having sex friend - if you used a condom and you are on antivirals your risk factor was VERY low. I had a 3 yr realtionship where I only used the meds... another where we used nothing ... and never gave it to either guy because we avoided sex any time I had ANY irritation .. even if it was likely a rub from previous sex. So if he has it, odds are he's had it awhile... and may well have given it to you ;)



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