Back Again with an Update...

[golden_panacea5]

Well it's official, HSV2 positive. I think when I heard the nurse say it I spaced out for a second and then all I felt was chills going through my body. This is not ideal for the life I planned for myself. Right now I'm numb but I guess okay since I'm able to put up a good front to people I know.

It's going to be a while before I feel better, I know that. This just sucks and I don't trust anyone anymore.

After all this time of trying to rebuild my life after my ex and forget the horror he put me through, I now have a permanent reminder of him.

You never really think that you'll get something like this with the first partner and first love you've ever had, but I was careless and this is the price I'm paying.

 

This is either a bad dream I'm having or the cruelest joke ever. After all the crap I've gone through in life it's almost like I'm being punished.

 

I think I'll be fine. I'm sure there's a silver lining...

[PersephoneLove]

I just found out too... This is a struggle I've never imagined. And too feel so alone despite having all the family and friends is tough. Never felt so alone in my life. Hope you're doing better.

[PersephoneLove]

*to

[WCSDancer2010]

Hello @golden_panacea5 and Welcome @PersephoneLove

 

So - just to give you some clarity here:

 

"Alone" is an illusion. And it's not exclusive to Herpes diagnosis. People with mental illness, cancer, body dysmorphia, self confidence issues, recently seperated/divorced, whatever. People feel "alone" all the time even though they are surrounded by people. It's your brain on overload ... your past beliefs/insecurities about yourself coming to the surface. It's the stigma screaming in your head .... a stigma that has come about because of a combination of our Puritanical Forefathers and a really crappy scare campaign in the 80's by the drug companies that is still having a huge effect on us today. AND ... you are NOT alone. 80% of the population has HSV1 orally. 15-20% of the population has HSV2 genitally. and 80% of them don't know they have it. So just look around the room next time you are in a group of people and try to guess who has is and who doesn't. (Hint: Most of them have Herpes one way or another!)

 

@golden

 

I got H from my first sexual experience ... and I never heard from him again. Talk about adding insult to injury. But in the end, it was one part of my life experience. ONE part. I've had plenty of other experiences that I didn't sign up for in my 53 years on the planet and I'm sure there will be a few more in store before I start pushing up daisies..... a life well lived WILL have speed bumps along the way ... and some will be big ones that throw you up in the air and leave your stomach behind for awhile. But you will survive .... and if you CHOOSE, you will thrive, find love, have the job you want, and H, like that beg-assed speed bump, will look smaller and smaller in your rear view mirror ... BUT, you will navigate your life with a *little* more caution (ie, you will know to watch out for those speed bumps in the future) so you make better choices in love and life.

 

.

 

This is either a bad dream I'm having or the cruelest joke ever. After all the crap I've gone through in life it's almost like I'm being punished.

 

It's neither. Honey, you are NOT being punished. You looked for love (and perhaps made an error of judgement ... but I can promise you, you are FAR from alone there!) ... whether he knew or not (and most don't know thanks to the CDC's testing policies) you can't take that upon yourself as a punishement. It's a life experience ... learn from it. Grow from it. Become a better person for it. Get that "stinkin thinkin" out of your head.

 

You have the "opportunity" right now to CHOOSE how to go from here.... become a victim, and blame everything on Herpes ... or grow from it and become stronger and wiser in your future life. (Hint: by being on here, you have every opportunity to choose the latter path :) )

 

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love

[PersephoneLove]

❤️ Thank you for this...

[golden_panacea5]

Thank you so much for the support and thank you for sharing your story with me. Everything you've said it totally true and I agree with you, and believe what you say when it pertains to the melt down I and I'm sure almost everyone diaginosed with this.

This place truly is the best place for support.

 

I'm doing well today, I woke up a lot last night panicking about every time I've shared food or a drink with someone, if in some rare weird way I could have passed it on to someone (yes I know it's ridiculous). The nightmares were horrific but later on today I found them funny because the mind really knows how to screw with you.

 

I agree with you on the different ways to approach life when it comes to this and I've decided I'm going to try as hard as I can to stay 100% positive.

Today I've been a little more confident than my usual indifferent self, I look at it this way. There are more things to be concerned about than looks. I have something that will test people's genuine feelings about me. This is virus is now my circle of trust and those that accept me will be in my circle and I'll know how is really there for me and who needs to be left behind.

 

Today I also tried talking to my mom about it. RIght now shes in the angry stage not mad at me but at the guy that infected me. She uses humor to cope so a lot of the ranting she did helped a lot. Moms are awesome especially the unbalanced funny crazy ones like mine.

 

To Persephonelove, I know I sound like a hypocrite considering that I'm still raw about finding out as well, but you aren't alone. It feels that way right now but I know that you'll overcome that feeling and so will I. I keep telling myself that I won't allow this to deprive me of happiness. Try to remember that this website is filled with people like you and me. Everyday people find out they have this and everyday we walk passed happy people who do have it and we just don't know it. If they can all live happy successful lives so can we. This doesn't keep us from having jobs, children, or having good times with friends and loved ones. I hope you feel better as well :)

[fairlyme]

@golden_panacea5 @PersephoneLove Hello. We are not alone, we are the enlightened ones. I was confirmed last week and today is my 1 week anniversary. I even received my first rejection last night from the guy that I had been dating (rough stuff), but it's funny how numb you get. I joined this site and reach out to people everyday.

 

@WCSDancer2010 and @fitgirl were the first to answer my call. Even reached out to Adrial, and I hope to talk to him in the future. Today, has been better, despite what happened to me last night and how new this all is. Funny how this "thing" makes you put sh*t into perspective. I realize (have for a while) that I'm not taking care of myself as well as I should. I've also let past experiences ruin present & future opportunities.

 

Days will will have their ups and downs, this I know. I also can't predict my future, but maybe now I can learn to love myself better, ask for help when I need it, and (most importantly) meet new people to share love and support to. I'm filled with it and I haven't gifted myself with any ounce of it. Share your love. We all need it.

 

I'm also a rambler. Guess I should start loving that quality too.