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pretty sure it's the big H...

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Hi all!

I guess I should start by saying im a 33yr old female and my 10yr relationship with the father of my 2 youngest daughters ended In May due to infidelity (a whole lot on his part) among some other things... But I was happy to be single and was soon after eager to get back out in the dating world... or so I thought. It wasn't as easy as I imagined it would be. So things were moving at a snails pace on the dating front but a girl has needs you know! Especially coming from a situation where sex was on tap.


Well times were getting hard and since I wasn't ready to be intimate w/some random person I didnt know, I decided to dig up some ghost from hookups past... long story short, I had a not so protected encounter (intercourse) with the father of my oldest daughter in early august (dumb)  and then in mid september I had a pretty protected (intercourse yes but protected oral no) fling with with a guy I had been fooling around with off and on during the last year of what I like to call my situationship...


Well in late October I got what I thought was the occasional ingrown hair bump that I get from time to time from shaving.... except this one was a little more tender than usual. Still i paid it no mind. In fact, I didn't even look at it and pretty much thought nothing of it until around christmas when I got a 'tingle' in the very same spot!!! well actually it was more like an electric shock. I couldn't wait to get home that day to 'see' what was going on and I've had a mirror up to my who-ha  every day ever since! To this day i have yet to see anything. The tingle lasted for a few days and  went away... it was then that I knew... see I'm no stranger to tingles because I've had hsv orally for almost 15 yrs now.


So needless to say I cried my eyes out pretty much all of January, especially mid month when I got a 'tingle/shock' on the back of my left thigh for a few days. (Mind you the other tingle was on the left panty line) And I don't know if it's my paranoia or what but it seems like I feel SOMETHING every day from pinches to itches to what might be a minor tingles. It's driving me crazy!


These past two months have been a rollercoaster. I have some ok days, some bad days, and then some BADDD days where I leave my desk at work and go cry in the bathroom or in my car on lunch break... but I'm very grateful for 2 things(well 4 things actually)... My 3 daughters and THIS site! My girls are what keep me going and give me the strength to fight the good fight everyday. I swear if I didn't have them I don't know where in the world I would be mentally and emotionally right now. I can't and don't even want to imagine... when I'm with them, that's the only time H doesn't cross my mind. But when I'm alone I reach the lowest of lows...


So I had my annual ob/gyn visit scheduled this month but had to postpone until next month because of my 'cycle'. I plan on getting blood test to confirm what i already know. I guess my concern now is with me already having hsv orally(not sure which one...was very uneducated back then) this test could potentially tell me nothing! I have yet to see anything down there so how will I know for sure if there is nothing to swab??? Also, I know there is no way for me to tell but I'm totally clueless as to who my giver might be I'm too ashamed to have a discussion with these men. Also, will there ever be a day that H doesn't cross my mind at all???


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Hello and Welcome!


Yes - you will get to that place ... I'm a 35 yr veteran and it's just a minor speed bump at times for me....


Right now you are dealing with what I call "the tick effect" - like when you find a tick on your dog (or lice on your kids!) you "feel" something craling on you all.the.time. So try to chill out (because Herpes LOVES stress.) Either you have it or you don't and freaking out doens't change anything ... so try to remember that 1 in 5 or 6 of you colleagues has it too and it's just another strain of what you already have (or may actually be the same strain in a different place.) And BTW, your oral Herpes will be HSV1 .... I've had it since I was 4 ... only 1% of all oral Herpes is HS2 so the odds are against it being that one.


If you get another "pimple" ask the OBGYN if you can get straight in for a swab ... or try Planned Parenthood.


I need to get going but we are here to answer your questions and support you through the bad days.... but know you WILL be ok.... ;)




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Thank you soooo much @WCSDancer2010 for responding. Im feeling a little better today and I am so grateful for this site. It's very soothing to know that you are not alone in a thing like this. I do have a question though... So if I get another 'pimple', does it have to be an open lesion to get fluid for the swab?

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Well, "alone" is an ilusion :) Remember that many people feel "alone" (people with mental illness, cancer, body dismorphia, recent break-ups, etc) ... even though they are surrounded by people, because they believe that noone will understand ... when fact of the matter is, most people (and certainly anyone you would want in your circle of friends) would be compassionate and caring.


If you get anything with any kind of fluid/whatever in it, they can open it to get the swab.... ;)

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