I've made a huge mistake. Didn't disclose that I have herpes ...

[CC1985]

Ok so I've been seeing a new guy and the other week I was over at his house watching a movie and before I knew it my pants were down and he was eating out, problem is I have genital herpes and he doesn't know that... I feel awful, this all just happened so fast I should have stopped him but I didn't. I really planned on disclosing to him but the timing just hadn't felt right yet. Now I feel like my discloser is going to be harder for me than usual because I let him go down on me with out telling him. What do I do? How do I disclose to him with out him being enraged that I didn't give him a heads up before things got physical? We haven't actually had sex yet but the fact that he did go down on me means I still put him at risk with out giving him the choice on if that was something he felt comfortable with. I feel absolutely horrible. Please help, I have no idea on how to even tell him what I've allowed him to do to me let alone the fact that I have herpes. Any input will be really appreciated!

[sw85]

You should think about disclosing to him soon I think, in the heat of the moment its hard to think straight, I had a clse call recently, we just made out, but I couldnt think straightinthe momentand wanted to go back to hers, but that didnt happen. But you should tell him, itsgoing to be difficult, but itll be the correct thing to do. Its likely he'll be upset and possibly angry, but you know what you have to do. Try to stay composed, explain how much youve enjoyed your time together, say that you were waiting for the correct time, and the other night your mind was foggy and didnt think straight. Have the facts ready, practice saying the words out loud even infront of a mirror or a close friend. Saying them outloud helps when it comes to the real moment. Feel free to message me, hope it goes as smooth as possible.

[WCSDancer2010]

@CC1985

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

Well, honest truth is you made a mess ... so you need to clean it up and it may not be pleasant. But as you know, it's the right thing to do. ;)

 

So I assume you have HSV2??? In which case, his risk of getting it from you was REALLY low ... only 1% of all oral herpes is HSV2 ... that version of the virus really doesn't like the mouth region much. I've had plenty of oral sex (and only one BF where I was on anti-virals when it happened... my ex hubby got it genitally from me because I didn't know what my "rash" was, and my other BF didn't want me to take the meds) and noone has got it from me.... so - that is in your favor.....

 

I agree with @sw85 - tell him that you had planned to tell him but that things happened so fast your hormones fogged your brain .... and that you BOTH should have had "the STD talk" before playing (while you should have said something... IMO HE is just as responsible for not bringing it up too) and that if things are going to progress, you need to discuss BOTH of your status ... then explain to him that you have it, that most are not tested so there *is* a chance he has it if he hasn't specifially asked for the test ... and that while you feel horrid about the slip-up, his risk is REALLY low for getting it orally ... then explain that it's possible to use antivirals and condoms and keep his risk VERY low ....

 

Read all the Success Stories that you can - they will help you to get ideas about how to talk about it. And DO get that Herpes makes a GREAT Wingman - because if he's really into YOU, he may be upset but he will work on getting through any anger and will want to get educated. If he just wanted to GET INTO you, he'll probably run. And really, it's better to find out what his REAL intention is sooner rather than later, right???

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5897/my-first-disclosure-story

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think

 

Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial