Irrational Fear

[riverstyx]

Alright, my story, in brief, was that I had a herpes scare over the summer (2 false-positives (both low-positives). Got a Western Blot and another separate immunoblot, and it turns out I don't have it after all.

 

But that doesn't mean I'm done worrying.

 

I put up a thread last week about non-sexual transmission of herpes. That was because I was concerned about the possibility of acquiring genital herpes (HSV-2) from fomites (inanimate objects).

 

I touched a light switch in a public bathroom where I work (the bathroom is used by maybe 4-5 other guys). The light switch was oddly wet. Not thinking anything of it at the time, I wiped off my fingers on my shirt. Went to the stall to urinate, touched myself down there in the process.

 

Fast forward, I am now worried that I somehow contracted HSV-2 genitally from the wet light switch.

 

*I know* on some level that that is a ridiculous thought. But I can't feel it. I mean, what if that was urine on the light switch? What if the person was infected with HSV-2 and was shedding or was experiencing a recurrence when he went to the bathroom and touched himself? What if?

 

Is there any constructive way to deal with this insanity *without* getting an IGM test for HSV-1 and HSV-2?

 

I know IGM tests are terrible. But when they tested me back in October, then ordered one and it was negative for both HSV-1 and HSV-2, so I'm thinking if it was negative once it will be negative again?

[WCSDancer2010]

Yup - totally irrational :)

 

Odds are the wet was from the last guy who WASHED HIS HANDS before leaving the restroom ...LOL

 

Honey, if it was THAT easy to pass Herpes around EVERYONE would have it!!!!! You have a FAR better chance of getting Flu or whatever from that kind of contact with items than you will ever have of getting Herpes. :)

[riverstyx]

@WCSDancer2010

 

Well, I don't know if it was from the guy who washed his hands before me, because the sinks looked pretty dry to me (there are two in that bathroom). BUT maybe the water--if it was that--on the light switch stayed wet long after the sinks dried after the water in them drained. Who knows.

 

I think the deeper issue is this: I feel like the universe, or fate, or karma, or whatever you call it, is going to "pay me back" for being a jerk. Now, I'm nice enough to the people I care about. But I care about few people. I have a terrible attitude in general, and a massive chip on my shoulder. I don't do overtly nasty things but it's all in my attitude toward people and the world in general. Now, believe it or not, I'm an atheist, so I don't believe in karma or purpose or fate. But I *feel* it on some irrational level. Does that make sense? I guess I *feel* like I'm a bad person who deserves to be punished for his bad attitudes. I don't know.

 

Now there's the new girl in my life and we both got tested for STDs and we were both negative yada yada although I relied on my "old" negative for herpes from October because I haven't been with anybody since and I'm not going through the trauma of herpes testing again unless absolutely necessary.

 

So it's an anxiety-provoking time overall because I'm hearing from the schools I applied to for graduate school literally in 72 hours, and I have the new girl and I guess we have to have sex now and I'm just tense.

 

[WCSDancer2010]

Ah - NOW we are getting to the bottom of things :)

 

I'm an Atheist too AND I do believe in Karma but in the sense that you draw things to you including things that you need to experience in order to learn and grow. However, there are some things that "Karma" just plain can't do, and passing H to you via a wet light switch is one of them :)

 

So you know you can be a jerk at times AND it sounds like you don't particularly like that side of yourself. Might I suggest that you get some counseling (@Adrial is a GREAT coach!) to get to the bottom of that, because I'm guessing you act that way to keep from getting hurt, probably because of a past experience...it's a defense mechanism... AND, you don't HAVE to continue to live this way.

 

You have a wonderful new GF ... you've had a wake-up call both about your sexual health and your personal behavior. This is the perfect time to take on doing what you can to learn and grow from your experience and to come out the other side as a better person than you were before this all started. As humans, that's all we really can do ... try to be better today than we were yesterday ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

 

[riverstyx]

@WCSDancer2010

 

Are you sure the risk is zero? For some reason I just don't feel it. Alas, I go to the doctor (psych doctor) on Wednesday. I mean, all of these germs from all types of things live in bathrooms. So technically it must be possible in some way to get them?

[WCSDancer2010]

I hate to put this so bluntly but you sound like you are starting to obsess in a not healthy fashion about germs in general. Or perhaps that you deserve to be punished for some past behavior.

 

Of course there are germs on EVERYTHING .... and of course the companies that make things like Lysol LOVE to scare people into thinking they have to disinfect EVERYTHING just in case there's a nasty bug on it.... but what they forget to tell you is that you NEED some exposure to ALL these bugs (INCLUDING Herpes) so you build at least a base load of antibodies so when you are exposed to a larger dose you have a better chance of fighting it off.

 

Yes - it's *possible* that there could be a few H virus on the light switch. But for them to live long enough for you to get them on you AND in a big enough dose to actually infect you is soooooooo minute that you would need to basically be terribly immune compromised for anything to happen.

 

I strongly suggest you discuss this with your Dr ... sounds like you need some help with coping skills when it comes to your worrying about getting H from the light switch. Again, if it was possible for you to get it from the light switch (or the toilet seat, or whatever) EVERYONE would have it!!!!