MY DISCLOSURE STORY

[Valerie]

Wow...it's been forever since I last stopped by. I missed this and quite frankly, need this community!

 

The last time I had logged on I was a wreck. I had just gotten diagnosed, I was failing in school, I wasn't doing so good in my two jobs, I didn't want to leave my house or communicate with anyone other than here.

 

After talking to people here, watching Adrials videos, reading the disclosure forms, etc.... I began to actually disclose to my closest friends. Their support and love has kept me going all the way here (almost 2years since I got diagnosed).

 

I remember being so afraid of ever dating anyone again. I didn't want to feel real rejection, I didn't want to get treated differently, and much less be rumored about after opening up to someone I might really like.

 

With that being said...I met a guy in school. He really liked me and I would just push him away. I was terrified of ever feeling anything & even more terrified of the day I had to "say it". We began to hang out a lot and became really close friends.once we started really catching feelings for each other and getting to know each other more, I would always tell him "I will always protect you even from myself". I don't know why but I guess in my mind I was kind of getting him ready for it. I slowly began to trust him but was always afraid and had started mentally preparing myself, since I new he was going to take it a step further soon & ask me to be his girlfriend.

 

The day came when I felt "ITS NOW OR NEVER!!!" I had to tell him already. So one day after work I told him we needed to talk if we were going to continue on. I felt so bad and nervous. We met up at a skate park. We both sat there nervously not knowing what the other would say. As he asked me what was wrong the first thing that came out of my mouth was "I don't think we should keep seeing each other" as I teared up. At the moment I felt like I couldn't do it...I don't know how to explain it...it was just so hard! So I broke down. As he asked me again what was wrong and his eyes began to water as well, I reminded him of the times I said that I would " protect him from myself"...."I have genital herpes" *break down (again)*. My heart felt like it stopped & I couldn't catch enough air to breath! All I hear is "So?! What the hell is wrong with you!? That's why your leaving me??? How the hell is that going to stop me from wanting to be with you more than anything??" *he breaks down in tears*. He told me how much he trusts me & how much he appreciated me actually telling him. After that day our bond and our love grew and incredible amount.

 

No one in the world will ever understand how much relief and how amazing it felt to have someone understand and love me that much. Being with him brought me happiness, love, confidence, etc.... He never once used herpes against me! Never! He helped me get though school and work...he helped me push harder to succeed and he believed in me more that a lot of people ever have in my life. I am where I am today in my career because of him. I met him a little over a year ago...months after being diagnosed.

 

We are no longer together...for different reasons (we didn't end on a bad note...invade you wondered :P). Our break up has been excruciatingly hard on me (.even though I know it's for the best)...but imagine...he was my first disclosur other than my family a friends...a boy I really liked! I had lost my self when I found out I had herpes, then I find some who helps me build a whole new and improved me...right? He's not in the picture anymore....so now what? It's time for me to find myself again and gain back my confidence. I just feel like it's a bit hard with out having my back 24/7 and feeling that unconditional love and support. I know i know, "you have friends and family that love you"...& yes, that's true but it's not the same. I feel even more lost & attached!

 

Last month, on the other hand, I had started talking to/gave a chance to this guy that had liked me for years. Since I am single I said "why not"...mind you he has been my friend for a while but not close friend...so what scared me was having to one day tell him and have all our "mutual friends" find out about me having herpes.

 

Anyways one night we all went out for some drinks. When he was taking me home he took advantage of the fact that I was drunk and thought he could try to get in my pants. After pushing him and screaming him a few times to "leave me alone", "stop", "you don't really know much about me! I haven't told you stuff yet!"..,it clicked in his head...he finally stopped "what's wrong with you!!!"..."take me home" I said. As I got home I was scared...not only did he try touching me...thinking I was into that...yes we kissed a few times during the night...but I wasn't ready to take it further nor tell him. So now I had to tell him. I called him and told him "I didn't like what you were attempting...you don't know the real me!"...and before I can begin explains "one of my exes gave me an...." He said "you have a f*****g std!!!!!????? What the f**k you dirty whore!!!! I didn't think you out of all people you disgusting virus!!!!"....this went on for a few days he would text me bashing me. I deleted and blocked him from every social network. After that I warned him I'd put a restraining order so he left me alone.

 

After that happening my #1 worry was "Omg! Everyone is going to find out! What am I going to do? No one is going to love me!", depression hit all over again...as if the day I got diagnosed repeated itself.

 

It's been a month from that already...& all I can think of is the difference between these two guys.

And the more I think about it...the more of a blessing herpes becomes❤️

 

As incredibly ironic as that sounds...and as much as I'm still trying to find myself and gain back who I am...I feel blessed.

The people who are real, worth being in your life, and necessary to build you up...will love and support you no matter what the hell kind of "baggage" or whatever you feel you may have. Nothing matters! Those are people worth having around!

Not just some jerk that is just trying to get in your pants with out first falling in love with the real you and give you the chance to open up to him.

 

There will always be good & bad people...just gotta find the ones worth it.

 

Like Nikki Minaj says "CALL IT A CURSE, OR JUST CAL ME BLESSED...IF YOU CANT HANDLE MY WORST, YOU AINT GETTING MY BEST."✌

[allwillbefine]

I love your story. And the differentiation between those 2 guys are absolutely insane. I almost shed a tear during both of those disclosures.

The words of the first guy were amazing...and the 2nd guy, just plain ignorant.

People definitely are different, my goodness.

I haven't had a chance to disclose yet; I've had herpes for 6 months now. I've been on dates, but haven't had sex with anyone because I have not found anyone worth telling or being in a relationship with.

As crazy as it may sound, I am quite curious as to how my first disclosure is going to go. Only time will tell.

You're a strong girl...keep your head up! <3

[Valerie]

Thank you<3 Herpes has definitely been a emotional roller coaster but it has helped me to really understand the importance of "studying" potential "boyfriends"/guys I go on dates with. You really need to take the time to get to know a person and see if they will be worth it in the long run and not just a temporary thing. Herpes is not just about respecting yourself and receiving respect...it's about respecting your partner as well and taking care of each other.

Find a person who is worthy. Someone who will share the same love and who you can open up to completely. Your heart will tell you who is right because you will eventually find the perfect timing to disclose...even though you might feel like it's the hardest thing you have ever done.

The first guy and I took the time, built respect & trust. So I was able to disclose when I felt it was right.

The second one I felt forced and pressured to tell him.

That's the difference.

I wish you the best of luck when your time comes to disclose<3 <3 <3

@allwillbefine

[WCSDancer2010]

Ahhh - yes!!!! You just learned why I tell people that Herpes is a GREAT Wingman!!!

 

Thank you so much for sharing your experience because it's soooo important for people to realize that the kind of people we want to be with (and who DESERVE to be with us) will give you reaction #1, while those who are jerks and assholes will react like #2 ... AND, isn't it a wonderful thing to realize early on that he wasn't into YOU... he was just wanting to GET INTO you :p

 

Good for you for realizing the lesson you just got from those two guys! Perhaps we don't like the messenger (herpes) but many NEVER understand why they keep "picking" jerks and assholes ... because they jump in bed/feel pressured to have sex before they get to know them ... not realizing that the guy who is really into THEM will wait (and respect you more) if you take your time getting to know them :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5897/my-first-disclosure-story#latest Wingman example

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

 

Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial