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Trying to cope

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Well I just recovered having my first outbreak, about 2.5 weeks ago I engaged in sexual activity after a long hiatus! well the next day I noticed 2 bumps didn't think nothing of it thought it was razor burn... Again engaged in some "fun" later in the week, then I started to notice more bumps! Hmm what the heck is going on I thought I must have irritated the hell out of my V.... Then I start having symptoms of a UTI without the frequency I'm like Oh great! Now this... Got some OTC meds and carried on this is now a week into me noticing the bumps ... Now I'm getting a bit paranoid... I'm investigating down under every chance I get to notice any changes... AHHHH.... What is this?? 2 white head looking things on the inner bottom lips of my V In an area I don't shave... All hell breaks loose I'm losing my mind stressing out googling (which is by far the worst thing I did) I drove myself crazy, had a major breakdown couldn't sleep etc, I couldn't take not knowing at this point I was highly stressed out, scared, and already doomed myself so I had enough I put my "pride" to the side and went to the dr hoping I was wrong... He checked me out swabbed my sores and said I suspect this is herpes I am going to put you on some meds and we will confirm your results... I was mortified. I went in my car and cried hysterically actually all throughout the day I cried even in the shower. Wednesday comes... Miss the call from the dr UGH now I gotta wait until the next day finally Thursday comes I have to wait until after work to call... I call he isn't there so I leave a message 20 min later I get the call... "Your lab results came back for herpes type 1 (in the genitial region... Nothing in the mouth area) at this point I knew this was what I had so I was emotionless... I told the guy because I seen him just the night before and he noticed I was "sad/upset" I told him I was nervous awaiting results so before I could reach out to him he reached out to me I explained and I get ... " I'm sorry this happened to you... I hope you get better... I'm 100% fine and healthy I don't have it" WTF???????? I was so pissed I mean I wouldn't wish this on anyone but even when I told him he may not have signs it's like he was throwing it in my face so finally I lost it and went off on him then I felt bad... Hmm a few days later he tells me he has signs of herpes on his tongue but still in denial ... But he is healthy?!?! Gosh it just amazes me and makes me angry and I have no idea if he is gonna get tested but we'll see.... Right now I'm trying to just wrap my head around this new diagnoses while I deal with my psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis grrrr I'm a bit at ease because I'm 99% cleared up by just paranoid to pass this by touching anything I'm constantly washing my hands and making sure no one accidentally touches my utensils or cup ... I already have low self esteem and this definitely lowered it even more :/

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Hello and Welcome!


First, BREATHE! You will be fine. And your friends can share utensils and cups with you because you have HSV! on your GENITALS so unless you are getting into something kinky with those items, you are quite safe to share...LOL


And you are not oozing it from your pores either... at worst it may shed within the "boxer shorts" region but the real area you want to be aware of is where your OB's are. So STANDARD hand washing/normal hygiene will be fine for all your non-sexual encounters 🙂


Now, as for the idiot you were seeing... we just had a similar conversation here as far as dealing with people who just are plain clueless:




This is the part that is relevant to you - print out and highlight the bits I underlined and give it to him.




How common is genital herpes?


CDC estimates that, annually, 776,000 people in the United States get new herpes infections.23. Genital herpes infection is common in the United States. Nationwide, 15.5 % of persons aged 14 to 49 years have HSV-2 infection. The overall prevalence of genital herpes is likely higher than 15.5%, because an increasing number of genital herpes infections are caused by HSV-1. HSV-1 is typically acquired in childhood; as the prevalence of HSV-1 infection has declined in recent decades, people may have become more susceptible to genital herpes from HSV-1.


How do people get genital herpes?


Infections are transmitted through contact with lesions, mucosal surfaces, genital secretions, or oral secretions. HSV-1 and HSV-2 can also be shed from skin that looks normal. In persons with asymptomatic HSV-2 infections, genital HSV shedding occurs on 10% of days, and on most of those days the person has no signs or symptoms. [4] Generally, a person can only get HSV-2 infection during sexual contact with someone who has a genital HSV-2 infection. Transmission most commonly occurs from an infected partner who does not have a visible sore and may not know that he or she is infected. [5]


And we have our fact sheets to that you should give to him as well, with the relevant parts about HSV1 highlighted.


Handouts + disclosure e-book:



Either way - Herpes is showing you that this guy is not ready to take responsibility for becoming educated and to step up and at least apologize for his ignorance (it really isn't his fault that he didn't know/understand before now...it's the stupid CDC and other groups who are not educating the public that are really at fault there). I call it the "Wingman effect" of Herpes. And while it sucks, better to see this guy for who he is now ...


You will be fine...I'm a 35 yr veteran of H2 genitally and I've had H1 orally since I was 4 ... and so far I haven't killed anyone and only passed it on to my ex hubby because we didn't know in the early 80's what my weird "rash" was. I've had several relationships since, all with H- men... and we have TONS of Success stories on here of discordant couples ... just give yourself time to get educated and adjust to the diagnosis.... and believe me, there are FAR worse things out there...this is mostly manageable for most people (a VERY small number have ongoing symptoms for more than a few months post diagnosis) and most will get to either a handful of OB's a year or none at all....


We are here for you to come to with questions, to rant, or just pitch in. Glad you found us 🙂




Herpes facts video

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Thank you so much ((HUGS)) I just needed to vent I'm lucky to have a very supportive sister but cannot fully express my thoughts, I had whom I thought was a very understanding friend but already started with the jokes, and my indenial sex buddy is very bipolar just trying to BREATHE like you said and move on

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