How to Disclose Herpes for a Purely Casual, Long Distance Relationship

[chikitta13]

So, I met this guy on vacation a few months ago. We hit it off - flirted, made out, and I promptly kicked him out of my hotel room. But not before giving him my phone number. We've chatted of and on. We have similar social circles, just in different areas of the country. Sometimes, they overlap. As summer approaches, I know I am going to see him in several settings. And he is interested in meeting up, hooking up really. Pre H, I wouldn't hesitate. Shit, pre H, I wouldn't have kicked him out of my hotel room.

 

There's definitely a strong attraction. But I don't know him well. I have no gauge on how he will react to a disclosure. I also want to give him space around processing the information if I do choose to disclose. Which would mean disclosing via text (not a phone call type of situation).

 

I guess I am processing two things here. First, disclosing in a purely casual arrangement. I've read some past posts on this, and I am comfortable in the how. But there's a lot of trust in disclosure. I am not fully "out" about HSV, but I am not shy about it either. I guess I am just weirded out by the idea that once I put it out there, I no longer control it, including who else knows. The second is disclosing via text. I do not want to wait to do it in person because we will only be together a short period of time, and I would prefer to give him time to think about it if possible. Has anyone experienced this?

 

I'm not in a spot for a relationship right now, and would prefer something like this. Someone I see occasionally, and little stress or expectation.

[WCSDancer2010]

Well, here are some discussions about the casual sex conversation ... not sure which ones may help you but at least it will help you see that this is not at all impossible with H. :)

 

Wondering - rather than do it by text, can you Skype him? It would make it a bit more personal and less is "lost in translation" ...

 

As for putting it out there and not having "control" - yup - there is that. For one thing, disclosing via text leaves a trail that someone could show another so if you want to have *some* ability to deny, I'd do it via Skpe .... but the real fact of the matter is that sometimes you just have to trust that whatever happens you can handle it. And the other thing is, you don't tell him if you have any reservations that he may blab about it ... AND, if it gets out, the way you initially deal with it will set the tone for how others treat you. Stand up and own it and give out some facts like "one in 6 of you will have it... though 80% of those with it won't know it because they don't have outward symptoms" .. and you'd be surprised how much respect you get :)

 

As they say: " You teach others how to treat you" :)