Happy Birthday! Oh, by the way...

[Ifos2031]

I've literally gone from the best week ever to feeling like my world has crashed. I apologise in advance for the moan but I need to let it out. I don't know what to do. Sex has been slightly painful for me from day one so when the pain seemed to intensify a few days ago, I didn't think much of it. I'm back with an ex partner (we got together during the first year of uni, split up during the second and have got back together for our final year having realised we are both willing to try again) and he has always been aware of and supportive of this pain. It was a bit gutting that I was in so much pain over my birthday and valentines that we accepted I was just having a bad stage, but when the pain was so intense he couldn't touch me, and even simple things like the toilet and a shower had me in tears, I knew I had to get to the doctors. Long story short, she took one look and told me it looked like herpes, and has given me a prescription for medication, but I have to go the GUM clinic on Tuesday to be tested and be sure. Spending hours on the internet has made me accept the fact that she is probably right, I seem to have every symptom going. I have told my boyfriend and he has been accepting so far and agreed to go on Tuesday as well, but sex has always been a big part of our relationship and I'm not sure how we will cope.

 

I'm in so much pain at the moment, I can't sleep properly. I am yet to find comfort standing, sitting or lying. There is a constant throbbing pain, I'm getting shooting pains in my groin, stomach and lower back... I will never complain about period pains ever again! Luckily although I've felt a bit run down, I don't seem to have had the full flu-like effects and I'm hoping they won't appear either. I'm taking the medication so I can't help but hope I'm getting over the worst of the initial virus.

 

I feel scared and alone... Due to issues in the past, I made sure both myself and my boyfriend had full STI checks before we slept together unprotected (these came back clear). Never have I been made aware that these 'full' checks aren't as 'full' as made out. The doctor told me there's no way of telling how I got it or how long its been there - while its likely I caught it from my boyfriend, I could have had it from any encounter and simply not had the symptoms.

 

Reading all these posts and spending all night researching has made me feel better in some ways, but in others I've never felt so worried. How is this going to affect my life - both long term and short term??

 

I am training to be a teacher - stressful! - and typically stress in one cause of future OBs. I go to the gym regularly, I enjoy regular and sometimes not the most gentle sex experiences (if you get what I mean! :$ ) with my boyfriend, I enjoy going out drinking with my friends... I can't help but feel nothing is ever going to be the same again. I'm not normally the sort of person to throw a pity party for days/weeks/forever but I'm don't know how easy this will be to shake off. I'm not sure about worldwide, but here in the UK (this site was definitely the best and most helpful, friendly forum I came across) H is barely mentioned in school and sex ed. Noone ever tells you condoms potentially won't protect you from this virus. Apparently unless you specifically ask, not even the GUM clinic at the hospital routinely checks for it. Therefore I hadn't ever really considered it... my check ups have always come back clear, I thought I was pretty clued up on this type of thing, so I didn't need to worry as much. How stupid do I feel now :(

[Cedar1122]

Hi lfo,

 

Please don't feel stupid. I was also shocked when I found out I had herpes. I had been checked not longer before for the routine things, and I really thought that anything would come up when they do that. You would think they'd test for the most prevalent STD's. I had no idea that basically 20% of the population has herpes and it was a huge thing that I should've been looking out for.

 

I hear you on feeling scared and alone. That's exactly how I felt. I want you to really get that you are not alone. After being on this website and talking with numerous other people who have herpes, it seems like Everyone's initial reaction is feeling scared and alone. We all think that no one will understand, when in fact, there are millions of people who understand and can sympathize <3 I certainly can, and I'm sending you a big hug right now.

 

When it comes to affecting your life- the mental trauma is much worse than the physical trauma. It's been 10 months now, and I've come to a different place in my mind with my relationship to herpes. I don't let it absolutely ruin me anymore. It doesn't need to. It literally is a skin condition that has a stigma to it. The 1st outbreak is definitely painful, and it gets much, much better after that. My OB's last only a couple days and they are minorly painful. I can wipe after going to the bathroom with no issue at all when I have an OB. During my 1st OB- I really wondered how I was ever going to live! It really does get so much better and easier.

It's been 10 months and I seriously love my life. I wondered if I ever would again. After relating with people, and opening up to others, and myself- herpes doesn't effect me in such a negative, scary way.

 

I understand the concern about being stressed. I work as a nurse and it gets super stressful. Still though, my OB's aren't so bad. More than anything, they are triggered by having sex. Especially dry sex. You can certainly still have an adventurous sex life with your man; and I recommend using lube so there's not so much friction. Friction can be a cause of OB's.

 

Sending you lots of love and support. Thanks for coming here to ask questions. It's the best thing you can do. To learn about it and be aware. I commend you for reaching out.

 

Love,

Katie