How do I tell the new guy I'm dating that I just found out about my herpes

[2Legit2Quit]

Well first, deep breaths... Glad I didn't have to pay you 100 dollars... ;-)

Sorry, trying to lighten the mood for you. ..so bring your results, so you can explain what that means for coming up negative on the blood test.

 

As for the timing, it just needs to feel right for you. There is nothing wrong w holding it back for the evening, but I'd have to wonder how much you'd appear present and be in the moment w it in the back of your head. Maybe a nice walk after?

 

I would start off when bringing it up that you had something you'd like to share w him and had wanted to be absolute about the situation, before discussing it w him. State that days after sexual contact you got symptoms and eventually had it diagnosed. Explain you didn't say anything, because you wanted to make sure that 1. It was H. 2. That you didn't jump to conclusions and point finger's and 3. Have all tests done, to be sure. Explain your culture swab came back positive and you had a blood test done as well and that came back negative. What that means is, it's a brand new infection and is why I am negative in blood, because I haven't built antibodies to it yet. (Bring the disclosure pamphlet and statistics as well). Explain that you feel he should go have a blood test done, as 80% of people w genital herpes are asymptomatic.

 

Hang in there girly! You can do this!

[2Legit2Quit]

Sorry, @anna01 and @wcsdancer2010 are a lot more better at wording things than I am, especially w disclosure. I tend to be very direct in my approaches, because I am an engineer, so we're all about straight to the point and facts. Hugs!

[Elise1977]

So, let me understand. You have a new HSV1 genital diagnosis, right? And you're worried about telling him that he gave it to you? Or you're worried he's going to think someone else did? I'm a little confused about what your concern is. I think if you're worried about telling him that you got it from him, just explain that it's common to be asymptomatic and that you don't blame him. He might deal with some guilt, but if you reassure him that you don't feel like it's his fault, I think it will go a long way.

[Jgirl31]

Elise1977 you have it right. Based on tests I got it from him and I'm worried to talk about it with him.

 

2legit2quit straight to the point is good for me. It is very much my style and what you are explaining does make me feel a little more relaxed about it. Good to know that I don't have to say right now if I don't want to either. Not sure I'll actually drum up the nerve.

[Elise1977]

I don't think you should worry too much. Oral HSV1 is super common. Just try not to make it a huge deal. The more you stress over it, the more he will.

[Jgirl31]

When it comes to the actual having it part I've been weirdly calm the whole time so far. And I'm becoming more calm about the talk now too. Thank so much

[2Legit2Quit]

Well yu got it from oral sex w him if it's HSV 1.... That's not as hardbof a disclosure asbis, telling him he's asymptomatic genital herpes... Just explain that he must have added it through oral sex.

[WCSDancer2010]

Here's the handouts link and other useful links... and I would print out the percentages regarding HSV1 for him because it's short and to the point....

 

And don't wait too long to tell him. You are doing him a favor by educating him about carrying HSV1 orally.

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

 

http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/

 

Herpes facts video

 

 

 

[Jgirl31]

Success! That could not have possibly gone better in my wildest dreams. Thank you everyone for all the advice and support. It means more than you know.

[WCSDancer2010]

YAY! So happy for you! Thanks for letting us know!