Still dealing..

[As89]

Almost 6 months in and just had my third full blown outbreak. It was almost as bad as the first one. I've been out partying and doing things that lower my immune system (my fault I know) but.. It's got me pretty down again. I disclosed to someone and it went great he was very compassionate and could really careless that I have it. I just can't seem to get over it..prior to H I was a very sexual person and now I'm not. I avoid having second as much as possible. And now that I disclosed to him I feel stuck and it's making me not want to be with him. I've been missing my ex s lot and I think it has to do with me missing feeling "normal." Has anyone else felt this way and did it get any better? I'm really bummin..

[honey_badger]

I don't have any experience with it bc I was just diagnosed a week ago today, but I have worried a little bit about feeling stuck. I had a guy that I was just starting to get involved with right before my outbreak professing his love to me after like two dates and then when I was dx'd I almost immediately thought maybe I should stick with him even though I wasn't entirely feeling it. The feeling scared me. I don't want to settle because herpes makes it feel all that much harder to find something great.

 

I am scared of it, but I also feel like in time this will be a new normal and I won't feel like it's a big consideration in terms of relationship decisions and such. I hope.

[As89]

Well I can tell you this much... The guy I told was an ex boyfriend from years ago and we were already kind of talking before I was diagnosed. When I told him he just said sorry I was going through that and that was pretty much it. He never batted an eye just got some condoms and that was that so I honestly don't think it that's big of a deal to other people but I think it will obviously always be in the back of our heads.

[2Legit2Quit]

I could be wrong, but to me it sounds like something else going on here and you're unsure if what it is, so H is the easiest explanation to you. I recognize that H coukd also be a contributor, but it should never make you feel stuck, unless you fear nobody else would accept you. When I first start dating someone, I go through a period of feeling like " omg, I'm going to be trapped!? I'm going to have to actually adjust my life, to make room for this person" which follows a play back in my head of all the things I do now and if it would be acceptable and do I really even want to share my bed? it's pretty pathetic.. Never have felt like that before, until after my breakup 5yrs ago. Maybe it's you just want to have fun right now and you feel guilt of possibly passing it to him, because you can't see yourself being w him long term. When I ran into an old flame, he didn't bat an eye either and didn't care. I suddenly felt panicked and realized I just couldn't try working things out, because I didn't feel it would be long term w him and didn't want to risk passing it to him, because of that. I too like to drink and party and it will make me have obs. Are you not on meds?

[As89]

Yea I think you're right.. I too do not want to share my bed lol how goofy is that? But no I am on meds I was taking a gram a day just to be on the safe side. But I am a bartender and work around 50 hours a week which a lot of the time I don't get to sleep until 3am to 5 am so I know that plays a part and I was drinking and doing some party favors too :/ so I think that was a big contributor to it all.. Then on top of it all I ran out of my medicine and the insurance company was being really picky so I couldn't take the 2 grams for a couple days which pro longed my outbreak.

[2Legit2Quit]

Yeah I breakout too deoaite taking meds. Liquor is what makes me breakout

[As89]

The only thing that helped was mr. Smiths (it's like desitin) any other tips on what to use? Tea tree oil gave me a bad reaction which I think prolonged my ob too.

[2Legit2Quit]

Bactine spray and daily Epsom salt baths during symptoms.

[As89]

I did both of those. Epsom helped the itching at night but didn't help with healing up. It's been going on for over 3 weeks.. It has been clearing up now but still pretty itchy and a little red.

[As89]

Also, have you or anyone else not felt sexual anymore? And how long did it last? Do you feel better now etc.?

[2Legit2Quit]

Sorry if I asked again, but so many posts and hard to remember. You said you're not on daily meds right?

 

I think a lot of people don't feel sexy after being diagnosed w H. Foe ivwe 6 months, I didn't even feel like I deserved to feel sexy. Didn't even feel like I had the right to dance sexy or flirt. I totally understand what you're going through. It's hard to come to acceptance and not to obsess about infecting someone. I have not been sexually involved w anyone since I was diagnosed a yr and 4 mo ths ago, but I was also not active for two hrs, did it once, got this and well, here I am now.

 

I eventually got over feeling like I didn't deserve to be secure or flirt. I'm sure when it comes time and I decide to date and am w someone who is H -, I'm going to struggle w it too, especially because I am always symptomatic.

 

Maybe you need some time to heal from it all and focus on you getting comfortable living w the virus and worrying about infecting someone else is too difficult to seal w right now?

[As89]

Yea I am on meds. It's kept it pretty quiet until a couple weeks ago but like k said I was doing things I shouldn't be and drinking and staying out late so I kind of brought it on myself. I think you're right about it being more than H. I just got out of a relationship about 6 months ago (right before I got H) I was just trying to have fun and then bam I was hit with H. I definitely still miss my ex but we had an abusive toxic relationship that I knew I had to leave but unfortunately I still miss him so much and I thinkH on top of it is just making it worse. Before I would

Just go out and sleep with someone else in hopes I would feel

Better and I feel like that was taken away from me. That's how almost all my relationships have started was over sex so I guess it's not the norm for me to actually get to know someone. Sorry I'm being such a sob story :/

[As89]

And before I felt the same

Way didn't even feel I deserved to speak to any guys or anything but now I am definitely thinking about it less and living my life but it's still that little bug in the back of my head.

[2Legit2Quit]

I don't think you're being such a sob story. I myself have never been much into casual sex, buy I went through a period for several months being angry and feeling like now that opportunity was taken from me. That now I'd I wanted to do that, I never could and I regretted not being more free in that area, in my younger yrs, like it seemed everyone else was.. So I get it. That will pass too. I think you need time to heal, focus on you, find out why you used sex so much to validate yourself and learn to live yourself, by YOURSELF and not by the approval of others being sexually intimate w yiu

[As89]

Yes I keep going back and forth with being angry and blaming other people and then I'll be fine and take responsibility. A roller coaster. I think I need time to myself too. Im getting back into school and going to travel a bit here and there so hopefully when I get busy with all that I'll be more healed up mentally and physically. Thanks so much for the advice it's nice to talk about it with someone who knows how I feel :)

[2Legit2Quit]

I'm just glad you came to the conclusion through your talk w me, that there is much more at play here, than herpes. I think it's a great idea to make yourself the love of your life right now!

[As89]

Thank you, me too!