Please help!!!! Navigating dating

[seekingsupport]

Seeking some help here...

 

I am newly diagnosed (early 2015) living with HSV-2. I took a break from dating to work on evaluating what I would like in a partner for the future. I met someone unexpectedly a few months ago. We began dating and really connected. After about a month and half it seemed like things were progressing towards sex. I disclosed my status to him. He reacted well (way better than I expected) and said that he would think about how he felt about it and we would go from there. He spoke to his friend who is a doctor that reassured him, spent his own time researching, and we talked about risks at length. After a few weeks we had sex. I could tell he was holding back but decided to see where it would go. A few days ago he expressed still being uncomfortable and unsure of what to do. We talked about it but it seems he still needs some time. I am beginning to worry that this will be a sexless relationship. My question is: how long do I wait to see if he is "ok" with my status? I worry if he still is concerned he may never be able to enjoy such an intimate act with me. I really like this man and other than this there are no current things holding us back from progressing toward a relationship in the future.

Any help or advice is appreciated.

[2Legit2Quit]

Id let him know that you understand that this may be too much for him and you don't take it personally and maybe being friends would be beat for now. This will put the ball in his court and if he really wants to take the risk w you, he'll take action.

[seekingsupport]

thanks a lot!

[WCSDancer2010]

One thing that can help a lot it to take him with you to your OBGYN or to Planned Parenthood with you to discuss things with the Dr together. It *can* backfire if the Dr is a jerk, but most in those practices (as opposed to GP's who are often woefully undereducated) understand the facts and are good at helping to put a partner's fears to rest.

 

Are you using antivirals and/or condoms? Each will reduce your risk by 50% so that his risk is around 1% ... which is about the same as the risk of being injured/killed in a car accident. He needs to understand that fact. And also 80% of people with HSV don't know they have it (has HE been tested? I'm going to bet the answer is no). In which case 80% of those he's dated likely had HSV2 and didn't know it or didn't tell him.

 

There's the possibility that he isn't sure if he sees a long term potential with you... and THAT may be why he is holding back... so you need to get to the bottom of what is REALLY making him hold back. If it's not H (though H may be what made him stop and consider where he is in the relationship) then it may be a blessing in disguise because I find it's harder to move on if I've been sexual with someone... damn hormones really screw with my head... ;)

 

Anyway, get him to go with you to the OB or PP and talk it out. And give him the facts about the reality of the risks.... for many, that reality check is pretty sobering and helps them to accept and relax with things.

[seekingsupport]

Thanks! I talked with him and he agreed to go to my OBGYN with me. It seems he is open just needing some time. He went and got tested right when I told him to see if he had it himself. He is negative. I also am on suppressive medications and he is aware. I hope it works out. I too think he is unsure about the longevity of the relationship. I don't blame him though. I actually respect him a lot for doing all this.

[seekingsupport]

If anyone is wanting to chat shoot me a message!