confused...

[quest]

This is my first post. I stumbled across this community after several weeks of searching online for answers to my questions. While I feel like I know a lot more than I did previously, I still have a few unanswered questions. First, a bit of some background. This will be a bit long...

 

So I'm began dating a woman 5 years ago. She disclosed to me early on that she had HSV2. She also told me she hadn't had outbreaks in several years. She wasn't on any meds to control the outbreaks. I did a ton of research then, and I also asked her a lot of questions. We began dating seriously, exclusively. About a year after we became intimate, I came down with the worst case ever of (what I thought was) the flu--very high fever, chills, night sweats, fatigue, etc. She suspected that it was the sign of an outbreak, but I had no bumps, blisters, nothing. Just flu-like symptoms. At any rate, I didn't think anything of it. At the time, we were in a committed relationship, we moved in together several months later, and we had even talked of marriage. I had never used protection with her. We ended up breaking up. I'm going on a bit of a tangent, but it's relevant info.

 

Anyway, I went and got a blood test from one of those lab testing places (not from my primary doctor) about a month after experiencing the flu-like symptoms. The results came back negative for HSV1 but positive (with a value of 1.2) for HSV2. So I was convinced I had HSV2. Mind you, I still never had an outbreak. So I figured I was an asymptomatic carrier of the virus. Again, it really didn't concern me as I was convinced I was done dating.

 

It was only later after we broke up that I did more research. Of course, I was interested in dating again at some point, so I wanted to get further educated about herpes. It was only then that I learned a value as low as 1.2 wasn't definitive. After I spoke to my doctor, he confirmed that such a low value and the fact that I had never had an outbreak made it likely I didn't have herpes. I was relieved.

 

I decided to be celibate immediately after my break up, and remained that way for about a year. I ended up hooking up with a woman. It was a classic one-night stand. We met at a bar, went back to my place, and you know the rest. However, we both exchanged sexual health info. She actually showed me her test results and vice versa. Of course, she had a "standard" STD panel, which didn't include a test for herpes, but she had no sores, bumps, anything. I used a condom.

 

Well, a week after this encounter, I noticed the biggest bump in my crotch area. It wasn't on my penis, but about 2 inches above the base of it. It was itchy, like a bug bite. I immediately went to an urgent care, and after telling the doc about my encounter the week before, the first thing I asked was "is this an std"? He assured me it was an ingrown hair/razor bump. I thought that was weird because I don't shave there. At any rate, he gave me some cream for razor bumps. I followed up with my primary doc. He said the same thing.

 

So my lymph node in my groin got ridiculously swollen. So much so, they thought it was a hernia. After they did a CT scan to confirm it wasn't a hernia, they realized it was a swollen lymph node. My primary doc concluded the "razor bump" made the lymph node swell up, and told me not to worry.

 

Two months later, same thing happened, but this time, there were a cluster of bumps in the same area. I tend to be a bit of a hyper-paranoid/hypochondriac/germophobe, so I went to a different urgent care the same day I noticed the bumps as my primary doc couldn't see me for a week. This time, I was told I had a yeast infection. Really? Guys can get yeast infections? After researching, I concluded, ok. Maybe that's the case. I do work out a lot and sweat, and even though I shower immediately after, maybe it's a yeast infection. This time, I got yeast infection cream. By the time I was able to see my primary, about a week later, he said it wasn't a yeast infection, but a staph infection. Ok, so I get a different cream.

 

Two months later, same thing again. This time, my primary decides to send me to a dermatologist. The dermatologist takes one look and said "it looks like herpes." He scrapes it, sends it to the lab, and they confirm it's HSV2.

 

I'm now on Valtrex every day, for the next few months to see if it reduces the OBs as I was having them every other month.

 

From a mental/emotional standpoint, I don't even know what to think--I thought I had HSV2 years ago when I was with my then girlfriend. Then after we broke up, I was convinced I didn't have it. Now I do have it. From a lawsuit standpoint, I don't know what to think either. I got misdiagnosed by multiple doctors for several months.

 

The first thing I did was call the woman I hooked up with and told her. She didn't take it well at all. I'm not sure if I gave it to her or if she gave it to me. I have a lot of anxiety about it all.

 

But here are my questions:

 

1. Did I already carry the virus, and my having somewhat vigorous sex (I was celibate for a long time before my one-night stand) create the conditions to cause me to have an outbreak? Or did I get HSV2 from this one-night stand? I haven't had sex with anyone else as I went back to being celibate after this encounter.

 

2. My primary doctor, after prescribing me the Valtrex, told me not to have sex until 2 weeks after any scabs fell off. Is this accurate? I thought I'd need to wait about 30 days. As you can imagine, I don't have much faith in my doctor any more. He actually told me I'm not going to pass it on to anyone if I don't have blisters, and vice versa. Yeah--so much for that.

 

3. My doc also said I should always use a condom. Can I transmit the virus through any skin to skin below my waist? Again, all the blisters/bumps have never been on my penis. They've always occurred in different areas on my crotch. And if I got it from the one-night stand, I was wearing a condom during that encounter. A condom doesn't cover the crotch, so how is a condom protecting someone from contracting the virus from me?

 

4. If I'm intimate with another woman who also has HSV2, can we cross-contaminate? Can I develop blisters on other areas where I don't normally get them (my penis) or give her blisters where she may not typically get them (her crotch)?

 

I know this was long, but I've gotten better info from this forum than from the doctors I've dealt with over the past several months.

 

Thanks

[2Legit2Quit]

1. The fact that you came up positive so soon after contact w your ex when you got sikc like that, says a lot to me. You are supposed to wait 3-4 months after transmission for a blood test. Had you taken a blood test a few months later, I am willing to bet, that you'd had an even higher value. Scary how ignorant all your docs were. Sex absolutely can trigger obs for some. Did you ask her to go get tested after this?

2. We say 10 days, after all signs are clear, including any skin discoloration or prodromes. Your doc is a retard and this is why nobody should see a GP for STDs. You need to go to planned parenthood in the future, because these GPs are idiots. You can spread H through asymptomatic shedding, which is when most of us catch it.

3. You should always use a condom, if that's what you and your partner agree to, but yes, you can still transmit where the condom doesn't cover .. Ie . entire anogenital region. It only provides partial protection, not full protection.

4. No you can't cross contaminate if you both ha e had HSV 2 for at least 6 months.

[quest]

1. The fact that you came up positive so soon after contact w your ex when you got sikc like that, says a lot to me. You are supposed to wait 3-4 months after transmission for a blood test. Had you taken a blood test a few months later, I am willing to bet, that you'd had an even higher value. Scary how ignorant all your docs were. Sex absolutely can trigger obs for some. Did you ask her to go get tested after this?

 

Do you mean my ex or the one-night stand? My ex had been positive for years. I told the woman I had the fling with, and recommended she go get tested. She really seemed devastated, said she would, but I haven't heard back from her. So you're suggesting I already had received it from my ex? Again, I never had any visible OB the entire time I was with my ex, which was over the course of several years. It wasn't until I had the fling that I had an OB, which occurred about a week later. My doc suggested that I contracted it then, during the one-night stand, and he also said the reason I got it on my crotch is because the condom protected my penis. It makes sense to me because I never used protection with my ex.

 

3. You should always use a condom, if that's what you and your partner agree to, but yes, you can still transmit where the condom doesn't cover .. Ie . entire anogenital region. It only provides partial protection, not full protection.

 

So if this is the case, should I expect to see outbreaks in different areas (i.e., my penis)?

 

 

[2Legit2Quit]

Yes, I mean after being w your ex. So you never experienced not one single symptom, after that time you got sick, until being w the second girl? Did you get a blood test done after that contact w the one night stand? If you came up negative on that, then you could suspect the first one was a false positive. If you came up positive, then you've had it for a bit. It's really hard to tell in this case, because of how you went about your testing. People have been positive w H for 30yrs unknowingly and suddenly have an OB. Stress, hormones, sex, alcohol, all sorts of stuff can trigger an OB suddenly, for someone who has never had one. You're asking for a very black and white answer, where there is none. Maybe you should follow up w that girl. The chance of her transmitting to you w a condom on, is like 2%, but it goes up higher w your ex, w no condoms and no meds to 4%.

 

Herpes will breakout where ever the fuck it wants .. It doesn't matter where the site of infection is. I've had it all over my entire anogenital region and it always changes up on me. Stop listening to your doc. The only way you could no for sure it didn't come from the one nighter, was jf you took a blood test immediately after and came up negative. If you didn't do that, then there is no definitive answer to where it came from.

 

There is no telling. Some people always get it in the same spot. I come up w new spots every few months.

[quest]

No, after I got sick (while with my ex), I never had a single symptom until a week after being with the second woman. I didn't get a blood test at that point for herpes. I got a blood test for everything else. Actually, I got two blood tests, at about 5 months apart. I had a blister swabbed, and that's when I got the diagnosis. Again, I never had any blisters until after being with the second woman.

 

I really appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions.

[2Legit2Quit]

Np... Unfortunately there is no telling, due to when you got it, because you didn't take that blood test after the second woman.

 

Are you trying to see if you can seek legal action?

[quest]

I don't think I was clear in my explanation. I took the blood test after I had the flu-like symptoms when I was with the first woman. The results came back positive for HSV2, with a 1.2 value. After we broke up (years later), I did research and spoke to my doctor. He assured me I didn't have it. He said the protocol is not to even do a blood test unless I have other symptoms, namely, a visible outbreak.

 

I never had any OB until after I got with the second woman, and the OB came about a week after our encounter. And I got subsequent OBs every other month. It was only then did I get a blister swabbed and got a positive HSV result. So I only took the one blood test.

 

Yes, I'm considering legal action against the doctor(s), but it's my understanding it could be difficult as HSV is routinely misdiagnosed, as it was in my case. And the medical community, CDC, etc. don't even take the condition seriously.

[quest]

Believes, thanks for the input. There is so much misinformation out there, and when you can't even get a straight answer from the doctor, and you're getting conflicting messages from other sources, it's a bit discouraging and confusing.

 

[quest]

UPDATE:

 

So as fate would have it, the woman I had a one-night stand with contacted me and told me she tested negative for HSV2, which means 2Legit2Quit was right--I contracted it from my ex.

 

Again, the crazy thing was I NEVER had any outbreak or symptoms (aside from the flu-like episode) until much later AFTER we broke up, and strangely, only a week after I had sex with the one night stand.

 

Crazy

[2Legit2Quit]

You're not the first and you won't be the last who have had it suddenly come out of the blue, but turns out they've had it forever. A combination of booze, Late night and friction, just may have been the perfect storm to trigger an ob. . Herpes unpredictability, makes men seem like a reliable species! Lol... J/k ...nah... not really. Lol...

[quest]

Now that I think about it, I'm guessing the booze, friction, AND the fact I had been dealing with a ton of stress the week prior (death in the family, job stress, recently moved) might've had something to do with it too.

[2Legit2Quit]

Well sounds like you had the trifecta effect. That's a lot of stress you just mentioned you were dealing wz which lowers your immune system, then add booze which does as well and a super late night w some friction and boom! How are things since that ib? Any more? Are you handling things ok?

[quest]

The Valtrex seems to be controlling the OBs, so I'm good in that regard. And I've accepted that what I have is definitely NOT the end of the world. Life is too short, and I'm getting to the place I'm truly beginning to enjoy it again without constantly thinking about this "thing." :)

[2Legit2Quit]

@believes_in_miracles. You seem to be a new "face" around here so welcome. We totally welcome and respect everyone's opinion on here, while at the same time being careful that inaccurate information doesn't spread around. Your last post to this user, had a bit of misleading information in there and I had intended to respond and address those, but wanted some to think on that. I was going to let it go, but then came across your most recent post and feel I need to at least address this one at a minimum.

 

1. That was an inaccurate statement and if you follow his timelines of testing, along w other factors, its pretty clear when he got it, which was from his ex.

2. There is absolutely NOTHING he could do legally, because she actually covered all her grounds and I suspect she is prepared for such, since she carry's her. STD test results around w her, in the event if a causal hookup. On top of that, they both used condoms, so now you had two consenting adults who showed test results, had the discussion and used protection. Nothing to charge her w, due to how they went about it.

3. She flipped out when he told her. This is not the reaction of soneone who knew they had Herpes or suspected they did. I see it all the time coaching, you can tell when a partner usually has lied to their partner and passed it. They are very blasé when the newly infected partner tells them and says immediately, we'll get through this, don't worry. They don't feel the need to discuss or even get tested for that matter.

 

W all that said, please be careful and Cognizant of the type of advice you give. I'm still pondering on addressing your last post, before this one. Thank you and I hope you can understand why we are sensitive., about what is shared as fact on this forum. We have to ensure the right information is out there, because there's so much that's wrong.

[quest]

Yeah, why would she lie and tell me her results were negative, esp. after she freaked out when I told her I had it? That makes no sense.

 

Also, this is somewhat off topic, with the whole legality issue and disclosing...I'm not a lawyer, but how can you legally prove a person didn't or did disclose their status to you anyway? I mean, is there any precedence for this? Since I didn't tell her via an email or any type of written communication and it came down to verbal disclosure, there's no "proof" beyond "he said/she said." How is that admissible in a court of law?

[2Legit2Quit]

Correct.. It can be hard to prove and requires that court to pull medical records. One example was of a lady and a dentist. He knew he had it, didn't tell her until after they had sex and she was able to sue him. If someone can pull their medical records to show they had it, show evidence they slept together and that the newly infected cane up negative in blood, but positive in swab, would be the only way to really prove it and even then it can be tricky. A few women. Have sued or settled, bit guess what? It's public record and everyone knows your name and face. I first read about that dentist in the paper when I was like 25. Faces on the front page and all. He even owned his own practice. Most people don't want their dirty laundry exposed like that.

[Bambina3]

Just to add you are not the only one

I had what I think was my primary almost 30 years ago, and has not another sign or symptom that I was aware of until approx 6 months ago

It really is crazy and mind boggling