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My story


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Well, to start off i'm a 37 year old male. I have never been married and I do not have any kids. I contracted this disease in 2002. I remember the weekend like it was yesterday. I was set to go home one weekend (was in college at the time) and I had this feeling that I shouldn't go home. I sat my laundry basket down and looked at the door for about 30 seconds and decided why not. So I went home.

 

I went out that night and ran into a girl I had dated about 2 years prior. I had left town for work during that time and then I returned for college and hadn't seen nor spoken to her since that time. I had really liked her before and I couldn't believe we saw each other again. We talk and then go our separate ways. I talk to her that next weekend and contemplated going to see her. Me and my friend are sitting there having a few beers and at around 2am we decide to head home. On the way home I get a flat. I can remember like yesterday. We tried to change it but it was too dang cold. I called her and told her what happened and she came to pick us up. I had a pack of condoms in my coat pocket because I knew how it used to be between us. I fell alseep until she got there and I guess when I reclined in my seat the condoms must have fallen out.

 

We arrive at her place. I had been drinking that night and it was late so in the midst of messing around I search for the condoms and can't find them but upon laying back down I guess the drinking caught up and I passed out. The next morning I wasn't so lucky. I looked for the condoms again and after thinking over and over again, I convinced myself I could trust this person, after all I had known her for almost 4 years. We have sex and the rest is history. On my way home she pays for my tire (I guess she felt guilty). When i'm driving back to school I feel uneasy in my area and then the next morning in the shower while washing I feel a itching sensation and i look down and there it is. I tried to call her and tell her and at first it went to voicemail and then the number changed and I haven't seen or heard from her since.

 

It almost seems like a Final Destination type scenario from me sitting at my door with my laundry basket to me getting a flat tire, my condoms falling out, me passing out, and then it finally happening. It has been hard because I can't confront or get closure from the person who infected me. I can't be mad at anyone besides myself and I have been strong about it until recently. Being 37 and always dreamed of being a father and having a family, it doesn't seem as if it would be possible anymore. The first person I was with afterwards and told about it accepted me but there was so much wrong with the relationship prior to that. I stayed because I knew I cared for her and knew I had something to tell her as well so I overlooked any wrong she did. After I told her I started feeling like I would be staying with her just because she accepted me. I wasn't a saint but about a month after I confided in her, we had an argument and she threw my condition in my face with no apologies. I went home and she said I treated her like crap and i'm thinking, you just threw something so personal in my face and told me it is over. I just felt that it wasn't worth it but now i'm in this situation of facing rejection the next time around or facing being single the rest of my life.

 

That is my story.

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Thanks for sharing your story here, bro. I feel sad hearing how you're relating to having herpes and what you think that means for your future. Reading "Being 37 and always dreamed of being a father and having a family, it doesn't seem as if it would be possible anymore" hit my heart hard. What convinces you that this is going to be the case? There are plenty of cases that point to the fact that what you're believing simply isn't the case. And I remember feeling that was true. It's up to you how that belief will play out. Whether you decide to believe it as true or take a chance on it being bullshit that you choose to believe about yourself to keep yourself safe from possibly being hurt. But let's be honest here: Dating in general is vulnerable. We face possible rejection on every date, herpes or not. So don't let the fact that you have herpes sentence you to being a childless, lonely man. I want you to prove to yourself that you're worth it. Because you know you are, don't you?

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