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Tell him, it's okay!

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Every time someone new comes into my life, someone that I feel there is potential with I get anxiety because I knew things could very easily become sexual. I think I get more anxiety in the time period that we are we talking and they don't know that I have H than when I actually have "the talk" with them. Every time I'm faced with telling a new partner, I battle within myself rather or not they really need to know. I mean, I take extremely good care of myself, take meds everyday and I would never have sex with them without a condom. The option of not telling them always crosses my mind, but I know its not the right thing to do and I know I would rather face rejection than have to deal with the guilt of being deceitful with a person, the way someone was once deceitful with me! I tell every single partner (and so should you) So here is my most recent disclosure:



I met a guy (a very very attractive guy) who lives in a different city, but works for the same company I do. It was an immediate physical attraction. We talked here and there and attended a few of the same meetings, but that's about it! He went back home, but he stayed on my mind for weeks to come. I added him on social media and he quickly started a conversation that eventually lead to texting and phone calls and lead to him telling me he was interested in me etc. We talked and got to know each other for 1 week (not very long) and than we made plans for him to come down and see me! I knew once we started making plans for him to make a trip I had 2 options- 1) Tell him face to face once he was here, which is the method I prefer, or 2) tell him via phone call. I felt like option 2 would be the best route to go given our situation. If me having H was something he wasn't comfortable with we could save the money and the time that a trip down here would cost. I shot him a text telling him I wanted to talk, asked him to remain openminded and to hear me out, once I knew he was available to talk I called him. Depending on the person and the vibes I get from them "the talk" always goes a little different. No matter what the vibes are or who the man is, I always remain confident! This convo started out with me saying "So, there's something I want you to know about me and I feel its important I tell you now because you are about to take a trip out here and I can see us being intimate with each other" and went on to say "I would never have sex with you without you knowing...." and he interrupted me! He said "are you about to tell me you have Herpes" I was a little shocked at that but replied with "yes, yes I am" He went on to tell me that this was something he had experienced before, someone telling him that she had herpes and he told me that he was open and still "got it on" with her. He also told me he experienced a time where a women didn't tell him until after they had sex and thankfully nothing came of it. He asked me questions (which I love) like when was my last OB, how often do I have them, and if I was on medications. I was completely honest with all of my answers. Fast forward a week later, he came down and we had an amazing weekend together full of tons of safe sex.



I hope this encourages you to ALWAYS tell your partners about your diagnosis, and I hope that this gives you hope that not all men are going to run away from you (actually very very few of them will run away). Many of them have already experienced something similar and already know how they are going to handle it. You are still desirable, and worthy or great sex ;)


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Bravo for your courage and honesty, Bec! It shows a lot about you that having the talk is important. Good job on the talk and the tons of safe sex! ;)

This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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  • 8 months later...

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