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First time had sex... got herpes

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I'm 18 years old and I've been with my boyfriend for a long time. I knew he'd slept with someone else, but I just didn't know the disease he'd been given and nor did he. We decided to have sex for the first time 3 weeks ago. I have no regrets. 

We had sex twice after that, different days of course, and it hurt really badly. We thought it was because I was new; it made sense. Then I started to get lesions around my vagina and I started getting a bad rash. When I had looked this all up, my conclusion was that I was allergic to latex. I had every symptom of it. We didn't use a condom the first time, this was my major horrible decision. 

Meanwhile, while I was doing my research, I added his ex girlfriend on Facebook and I asked her flat out if she had an STD. I wasn't mean about it because she and I used to be cordial and friendly until he broke my A's heart. She said that she's never been tested because she's never had any problems in that particular region. She lied. She f**king lied. 

I also asked my boyfriend if he'd had any symptoms of any STDs. He said no. He had sex with her 9 months ago. I had read that the disease can lie dormant inside of your body for a long time before your first outbreak. His body really is the type that would wait forever until it decided to break out. He's been in a car accident with broken ribs and spine and he still was able to walk within a week. His body is a miracle. 

So, obviously I couldn't tell my mother we had sex, she'd destroy my soul and kill A. Well I couldn't walk... at all. It hurt so badly. I blamed it on cutting myself shaving and on my sprained ankle. Which DID both happen. -_- It took 5 days for her to bring me to the doctor... I went in and the doc was like, "You know you have Herpes... right?" Tears. All that could come out was tears. 

I was so utterly alone at that moment in time. I felt like dying. 

Then when he did more invasive tests, OUCH!, he told me that I had a yeast infection too. All I could think about was what to tell my mom. She yelled. She screamed. She didn't blame me. She blamed A. Calling him filthy and a whole bunch of horrible names. 

Again, I felt like dying. 

He has meant the world to me for four years since we first met. His dad was in surgery for removing cancer from the colon. A has been a wreck all week because of it. We talked for four hours last night when he got home. His reaction was a mixed one. Shocked beyond belief. Terrified. Angry. Depressed. He thought that I would leave him. No. I love him. With all my heart. We all make stupid decisions and we have to learn to live with the consequences. My mom came in and yelled and said that she wants to sue him. I consented to sex, I'm 18, she cannot do that. He is my boyfriend. 

He told me something crazy, though. He said that he's been hiding something from me. He had cracked open a clam at the beach and found a 7.8 mm pearl. he brought it to the jeweler and had it made into a ring, a promise ring. He was going to give it to me for my graduation present. He never ever wants to leave me. He says we're going to get married, no matter how much my mom hates him. He's upset that I might choose my family over him. He would understand, given the new circumstances, but he would die inside. 

I told him about a story we read in English, Othello. In the beginning of the story, Desdemona gets married to black Othello without telling her father. Her father finds out, and tells her to choose. She tells her father that his wife had given up everything for him, including her life. She loved him more than anyone else in the world. She was going to do the same with her husband. She chose Othello. 

My family has never been the nicest of sorts to me. I was adopted 2 years ago. Abandoned by my biological family when I needed them most five years ago. Parents dead, etc. I will always love them even though I hate them. They share my blood, and so will kids, but they will bare the last name of the man I love. I know now that I need to be extremely careful when I prepare to become pregnant. That won't happen for a long time, though. 

I made a decision. I have herpes. Now I need to learn to live with life, I just need help. 

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You've come to the right place and it already sounds like you're speaking from a place of pretty solidly knowing yourself and your own strength. Just hold onto that and know that you'll be ok, regardless of what happens with either your family members or your boyfriend. Truly owning your decisions, especially at such a young age, will definitely help you maintain integrity and build successful relationships in life.

Don't hesitate to reach out, we're here for you!
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  • 1 month later...

Thankyou! There was actually more to the story!


My boyfriend didn't pass herpes to me! He tested for herpes and was tested negative! So I have NO idea how I got this horrible disease! =P Oh well... I could have gotten it from my biological mother. I guess.


I was kicked out of my house for not taking it seriously enough as well as her hatred towards my boyfriend. So now I am living with a GREAT family! They know everything and they don't hate me! =) Or him. Life is a whole lot better now. I am going to get retested because there might just be a chance that the test was incorrect, and it got my allergic reaction to latex. We will find out when I can afford the next test. In a month.

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Wow, thanks for the update, imnotgone!


FYI, it's highly unlikely that you got herpes from your biological mother (if it's herpes that you actually have). (And hey, please don't call it a "horrible disease" ... you make it sound like you're gonna die!) You can't get herpes via blood, only skin-to-skin contact during an active outbreak or asymptomatic viral shedding. When you get re-tested, make sure you specifically ask for the IgG test. That will give you very accurate results and (if you do have herpes) it'll be able to tell you whether you have HSV-1 or HSV-2. Good luck with that!


I'm glad you're living with a great family who supports you! It's important to feel supported and loved through this process. And it sounds like you're in a good spot for that. And on top of all that, it sounds like you're loving yourself, too. That's super cool. ;) Thanks again for checking back in! Let us know how the rest of the story goes!


  • My mother is now in hospice with end-stage cancer, so I am at her house a lot these days helping where I can until she passes. Thank you in advance for understanding if I am not as quick to respond as I normally would be. This is a precious and bittersweet time …
  • This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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