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    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

I'm still me, and you're still you!


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Posted

Hello all! I feel compelled to share my journey, as hearing other stories is what helped me through a very confusing/scary time in my life.

 

I was diagnosed with H over 2 years ago while in a relationship with a guy that had more than one yellow flag. At the time, the relationship was pretty new, and I feel the diagnosis kept me in this relationship much longer than I ever should have been. When I was diagnosed, I went through many emotions that I can only guess are very common. Is this a bad dream?! Is it possible that my boyfriend really didn't know he had this??? Did he know? And is he just a person that would take the easy way out?? Is this relationship IT for me? Especially since I can't imagine anyone would be OK with this if my current relationship doesn't work.

 

I stayed in this relationship about 2 years, which I'd say was a full year longer than I should have (he did not treat me well to say the least). It took me literally getting to the point where I was so unhappy, that I realized I'd be better off alone forever, than in this unhappy relationship. If nothing else, I hope anyone reading this can walk away realizing that being diagnosed with H is no reason to change or lower your standards and expectations on what a fulfilling relationship will look like in your life.

 

Once we broke up, I needed some recovery time. But this was quite different from past break ups! At this time in my life, I was 29 and having serious worries about my "life timeline". I thought I'd likely never meet someone, and my biological time clock is ticking.... Kids are possibly not going to happen for me (which for someone who always wanted kids, is a very devastating thought). So, with those very heavy hearted concerns, I decided I was determined to be happy WITHOUT focusing my life on a relationship. This is where the herpes opportunity kicks in.

 

For the first time in my adult life, I chose to not focus my efforts on finding "the one." Instead, I tried to focus on things I wanted in life. I started working out regularly, expanding my friend group, bought a house, played recreational sports, excelled at work, and generally rocked life. I was feeling pretty happy. However, I still lacked that desired intimacy, no matter how hard I tried to ignore it. Then I realized the dreaded "dating" word may have to re-enter my life. I was never a fan of dating before my H diagnosis, and I definitely couldn't imagine it being any fun with this new stigma attached to me. This was about the time I found the H opportunity site. I was googling, trying to figure out how I'd even begin to tell someone about my "problem". I cannot thank Adrial enough for the community he created! I have to admit, when I first found the site, I thought it was a little idealistic, but boy was I wrong.

 

So I decided after reading many blogs that "there is a good chance I'll never be one of those success stories, but I'll never know until I try". I started dating... Went on dates with a few guys, none I really connected with, and the H diagnosis was my saving grace in preventing me from wasting extra time with guys that weren't for me. Then I met him. The guy that caught my attention and made me excited about the future potential.... Of course, with the excitement came the terror of the talk. At this point I was reading the H opportunity blogs on a daily basis trying to get the nerve up to have "the talk". On about the 4th-5th date I had decided it was time. We hadn't had sex, but it was obvious that it would be around the corner if we continued the way we had been going. I'll be honest, the first time I was determined to tell him, I chickened out. It is completely terrifying to be that vulnerable. Especially if you like someone THAT much. You know that the happiness you feel could be over in an instance if it is a deal breaker.

 

THE TALK: When I finally couldn't hold it in, i told him I needed to share something with him. I did what was recommended. Stayed calm, shared some facts, asked if he had any questions. I feel like he had a knee jerk reaction and said "I don't care, I just want you". While I was flattered, I knew that I was dropping a lot of information, and felt he needed his fair amount of time to think about it. It was morning time when I told him, and we had previously made dinner plans for that night. I had to work that day, which meant splitting up and having time to think. That was the longest day!! I honestly didn't know if I'd ever see him again, and that was scary. The good news is, I did! He showed up that night and blew me away with his maturity and respect. He preceded to tell me that he went to a doctor and got tested for STDs that day, and he also got educated on herpes from a professional so he could make an educated choice. And with his education, he now knows that he really cares about me, and herpes could not get in the way of that! He just said "you're such a good person" I feel like it was the perfect experience. I could feel confident that he liked me so much that he went through the trouble of the MD visit to make a educated choice. I am also happy because I feel he is making a distinct choice and HE accepts the risk (no matter how small it is). He made me feel like a million bucks! Since then, we have been together 4 months, and he has NEVER treated me as anything less than amazing. I feel lucky to be with him, and the best part is.... I know he feels lucky to be with me too!

 

My journey has taught me a few important lessons

 

1) herpes should never dictate whether you stay or go in a relationship

2) opportunity 1- focus on what makes you happy apart from a relationship- it makes you a happier person overall, which makes you more desireable!

3) opportunity 2- you still deserve a phenomenal partner in a relationship. Herpes allowed me to build a strong bond of trust from the beginning and afforded me the chance to see how my guy acts when life throws a curve ball.

 

Huge thanks to Adrial for all the videos and support talks that made me feel less alone in a tough time.

 

All you fellow H friends, get out there and be awesome! Because you're still you!!!

Posted

:D You got it, sister. Grab that Opportunity! ;)

This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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